Ok here it is. I have been dating a lovely lady for the past 3 months and we are getting along great. She has a kid that I have taken a liking to, the father has been a no show for the past 8 months and has never paid child support or helped at all raising the kid for the 2 year span of the child's life. I have helped buy groceries and helped with some bills even though I don't live there but I feel bad if I don't help.
Last week the father called and said he wants to be a part of the kid's life again. My heart kind of sank, not because he wanted to be a better father, but I worry about things.
Angie(the mother and my girlfriend) knows I am in school and that I am almost done and when I am done I have to go where the jobs are, we talked about if things were still working out in 6 months that she would think about going with me. but with the father getting involved now would that change?
Tonight the kid is at his fathers, and Angie is there too talking to the fathers parents and "catching up". After my marriage failed I worry about being left, that I am not good enough, I go to therapy and take pills to get a hold of the negative thoughts and while I know these feeling and thoughts are irrational I still worry about being left.
She obviously had feelings for this guy once, and if he straightens his life out would she go back to him, the whole if things are working out and I have to leave thing would should still have the option to go, and the fact that I have fallen harder than I ever have before make me worry, I am just setting myself up for heartbreak?
What do you think?

I was your three legged dog chained up to the back of a truck
Only feeding me your scraps
When you saw me in the pound I should've never given you that needy look
hindsight is 20/20 perhaps
But I stayed faithful and alone; bored playing chase my tail
waiting for your pity touch
Then you got a new dog that was better and put me on sale
I guess you didn't love me too much

I do not see you now, you just abonded me, on a deserted road
I got by some how, I got better you see, I grew back my leg and headed down the road

I bet you thought I would die in the cold
you would just forget about me while you grow old
Just a mangy piece of **** that entertained you for while
But when you saw me survive and thrive, I took a **** on your smile

You were never in the mood when I wanted to play
because you been busy doin it some where else
So I'd lay in the sun drink what you left me to drink all day
you had another I had myself
I hurt myself when the chain snapped back, and I couldn't breathe
you had no restriction and fresh air
I wish I was strong enough then to break your chain and leave
But perhaps I was just scared

Another story, another scar another life that passed on by
I'm just a cliche, a metaphor a parable the moral of the story is when you think you're in loveyou better hide

YEY, finally a black guy wins something other than an MVP. I am glad that we as a country finally are able to look past race and look at new ideas.

All the women that refused my advances at the bars.

Pornography
The only way I can live out my dreams
Pornography
I love it for the inadequacies it brings

I look at the women I'll never get
Always firm, and always wet
And the guys, well I'm just not that lucky
Women say mines plenty big but not to what I'm comparing

I don't have a flat abs I'm not tone
I can't move that fast, except when I'm alone
I can't do that for hours I shoot too quick
I've watched so much, I wish I had a bigger ****

I have hard enough time, trying to sleep with one
But two together, well I think it would be twice as fun
But I'm too ugly and not tall enough for the ride
Unless I had enough money for some people to let me slide

Bigger than average, it's like a B maybe a B minus
I just gets the job done ok, but it doesn't cause a fuss
So I try harder, than others to make them come
I may not be huge in the pants, but i got a great big tongue.

Thanks

This past year will end soon
When I am, finally severed from you
your memory will drown in happier days than the ones you gave me
I drank half of it away
and I've listened to all the hurtful things you say
So I'm closing my mind off from the past and sailing on calmer seas

And If and when, the next relationship fails
I won't hold on through the storm quite so tight
Your treatment of us passionate males
is the reason why us guys walk away from the fight
You got bored, and instead of seeing it through
You chose a dishonest path without forgiveness
I've never had to hate this much before
But with out the bitter I couldn't taste the sweetness
someday maybe I'll thank you for being a whore

The smokey mirrored rooms you put me in
left me believing in your magic back then
but the mirrors started to crack and I saw through yours tricks
Disbelief lead me to great discomfort
Didn't want to believe in a lie that put in so much effort
I saw your cracked mirrors but held on to the illusion that i tried to fix

Now I will be left maimed for a while
There's still worry behind my smile
I'm so insecure and unsure trust doesn't come as easy as it once did
I fought so hard and it what i do best
Keeping in my feelings leave them in my chest
Because you couldn't show restrain you just acted like a kid

I wake up in the morning start the routine
Ibuprofen and cough up kerosene
reach for the coffee pot and it's empty again
Walk out outside let a new day begin

The Harvey Wallbangers last night are coming back to me
The bruises left from running from the cops and the fighting
It was just Wednesday night
There is no telling where I'll be tonight

A spotted liver goes well with cigarettes and afternoon news
A good hang over goes well with some tom waits and the blues
good god where have I been
Waking up after a fun night and it's already night again

The play station is the only way that I stay in
I kind of remember who was last nights best friends
Hand cuff marks on my wrists
I either got laid or escaped an arrest

A women's bathroom is not a good place to get some sleep
My actions get mistaken for being a pervert looking for a peek
I'll regret my life later
But I'm in a fight with doctor boozenstein and I have a craving for some danger.

A memory in the morning
The cold and wet outside is a warning
Stay in bed, the gods say
Sleep and hope for a new day
but there is no time to relax now
The end is in view and I will get to it somehow

An act of defiance to my inner self
Excuses reliant on my mental health
where can I go there's no heat at home
And the only sun I know I can only feel over the phone

Happier days are coming soon for you and me
I'll be with you soon and you will be all i need
I don't really have plans for you just hopes for a better future
If someone asks me why I'm so sad, it's because she's not here and I'm in love with her

Disease runs through my atrophied brain
Some call it manic depression but to you I'm insaine
but I don't feel the wicked worlds cold cruel hands
when I'm with her I finally feel more like a man
but there is no time to wish I can see the end
The end of this chapter and I'm waiting for a new one to begin

Thank you all for the compliments.

Thank you all for the compliments.

Good poem. I like.
You are like granite, you rock.
I am like drunk, good night.

I am in love with a girl who treats me well
Such strong emotions usually lead me back to hell
But right now it's Van Gogh as I lend my ear to her
A starry night, the diamond lights and my feeling concur
Right now the feelings of hopelessness and despair
are gone as I drink in the feeling in my arm chair
Is falling in love again just another mistake
Or was the pain before there just I could appreciate
Her love

I'm scared like never before
I'm losing sleep but not keeping score
So often I've held back my embrace
But I can't help but hold on when I see her face
I'm just going along with the waves of the ride
I'm used to hating the world, but it's different on the other side

When love last went away all I could say was God damn
And while my faith hasn't come back if I did I'd see a plan
Coincidence has lead me to have confidence and common sense
I look at my suicidle past and wonder why I was so dense
And I get scare and I want run from potential harm
but the only place I feel safe is in her arms
I'm picking up the pieces and seeing a vivid picture of us
So I hope you help me to hold it together so it doesn't bust
like the last time

I work in the present to bring a better future
I work harder while I'm alone so I can be better for her
I'm not alone in my endeavors i get some emotional support
She helps hold me together when I feel like I should abort
While she prays to a tear stained face on a cross
I live in happy with out a boss
We compliment each other better than words we could say
But tell each other nice things anyway
Because it feels good

no, that's our kid.

I got my student loan check today, gave my website presentation and am almost all caught up in classes. I have a beautiful girlfriend who loves me.
It is a day to celebrate.
So while I am a way from her right now, I am gonna order a pizza get a bottle of good scotch, not great scotch, but I am gonna study, finish up homework and then drink and write.

Right now life is good.

An alcohol filled memory
comes on back to me
I try to save myself from the embarrassment
In an old over-used run down chair
that is wrought with despair
I sit by myself in the filth in my lament

you've given me hope and worry
I don't want happiness taken from me
I've been hurt before you see
So while I heal I have insecurities

And you don't have to prove anything to me
I know I make mis-steps and mistakes
sometimes I get blinded by the past and can't see
but to forget it's your embrace is all it takes

I've wasted most of my life
with an abusive wife
I have learned to completely hate myself
I drank all the time
inebriation was a state of sublime
But it left my self with failing emotional health

my body is emotion and from the bad stuff
there is hanging skin from when times were tough
But you run in my mind all of the time
I don't want to lose something so kind

And the pain I have isn't from you
You do all that you can and I expect from you
But I've been hurt before you see
So While I heal I'll have insecurities

Tragedy and travesty has followed all of this painful life
I've hurt myself as much as other by the edge of a knife
God if your real I want to make my mind work well for my heart
Please let something in my life be more beautiful than art.

my emotions tend to run real strong
like a current sweeping up everything along
My head is barely swimming in you it's immersed
It's different to feel blessed after living cursed
can I take you away to place I like to hide
It's not too often that I let someone inside

I'm barely holding on
to what I have become
I'm bleeding from my heart pumping again
My broken body and mind
Turn from hate to something kind
Thank you Angie for helping me to love again

Razors have scarred up both of my wrists
They are forgotten when I feel your kiss
When I feel like I can't find a way out I follow your sound
You lead to a better place than on my own what could be found
The listless life I've lead is a memory
One that I forget when you're with me


In my arms you hear my bones crack
I don't feel any pain when I'm against your back
I stand up tall and feel good about the light
Life's moving really fast and I can't fight
Can I take you to a place that I like to hide
It's not too often I let someone inside

My insecurities, I try to hide them well
But I've been hurt before, in my head it's hell
But I forget them, when I am with you
When your away I wonder what you do
I know that I'm not, the best lay around
But I try my best, to get that climatic sound

It gets hot as I feel you warm and wet
I got so many dirty thoughts I can't forget
I see you as a person to experience life with
My filthy mind runs wild when your not with

I read your diary and the ideas going in your head
Everyone has done those things with someone else instead
I'm glad you want to do them with me
I'm glad you let me have your body

Now it's beyond the thrusting pumping juices flowing
It personality of you and the heart i am getting to knowing
I hope I can still excite you and keep you around for a while
I love you and will never cease to try to make you smile

I wish I could stop the bad thoughts in my head
But the more I am with that part of me is a little more dead
touching you is healing to my soul
I hope I get good enough to properly fill your hole

And I know that I'm not perfect but I try to be my best
I think you are worth it just to feel your breath
I got all of these, past insecurities
For so long they have prevented me from my fantasies

So here we stroll shopping for adult things
holding hands, finding big enough **** rings
It more evolved that just the thrusting and ejaculations
Its two dirty mind and pure heart in pure elation.

We are, even though we failed to yet, going to bail out wall street. It hasn't happened because the republicans over sensitive emotions were hurt by some angry lesbian looking lady from callifornia. I hate our government right now. Republican and Democrats alike. Don't take it as I hate my country, I love my country. Why can be bail out these corporations but not the common man. Why is it after years of getting screwed over by interest rates and predatory lending practices that we are supposed to just give banks more money? We don't have health care, I can barely afford college as well as many others, many can't afford their mortgages, and a lot of people can barely afford to live. We don't beg for help, from Son of Uncle Sam. we work harder we take our lumps and move on. But because these jackasses on Wall street finally start getting hurt by their poor choices we are forced to help them out. They don't want oversight or regulation, but they want help? None of this makes sense to me. If we have to bail this economy out, fine I say, but then we deserve some laws to be put in place to make sure this never happens again, and re-regulate like we had to after hoover let it all go to crap. I hate our government and hope others in this country feel my pain, because this is far too beautiful and great of a country to be so dis-served by incompetent greed.

I had to write this for class. The Prof. Never reads them, I thought someone should.

Agreement
09-29-08
Editing

Through out the years I and my parents have disagreed on many things,
ranging from abortion to whether or not it was a random thief who made
those 1 (900) number calls when I was 14 and had the house to myself.
One thing we can never agree on is pizza toppings. I, as a vegetarian,
do not wish for to eat the ground up, minced and processed dead animal
parts on my delicious cheese and tomato sauce pie; they, conversely do
like slaughter house refuse and mushrooms. Mushrooms suck, they grow
in ****, they look like a cartoon penis and Smurfs live in them. My
mom and father dearest love mushrooms though, it's like they have
orgies with them or something. We have argued over the grossness and
use of mushrooms since I was a kid and the only good ones I have had
weren't the type you put on pizza and tasted like ****, but oh how I
was able to slip deep into my own consciousness. It is sort of like
Will Smith said, "parents just don't understand." They like boring
gross mushrooms, I prefer tripping and looking for goblins in the dark
damp corners of seedy, smoky, and cheap pubs.