Now I lay me down to scream
I beg the lord, don't let me dream
protect me from,the things I've seen
and keep me from, satan's reach

I have sinned, I know this well
hidden fears, I'll never tell
and I pray, I'll never dwell
deep within, the pits of hell

I loathe the places, I have been
I keep this evil way within
forgive me for, my life of sin
I've seen the deaths, of my closest friends

It would seem, I'm the last one left
some would say, that i am blessed
caused i have not, joined them in death
but the lord has not, promised my next breath

my life has flashed, before my eyes
I hold it in, cause real men don't cry
I've lived a life, of sin and I
truely fear, the day I die

It's a tale as old as time
a song as old as rhyme
the heart you hold is mine
love, as rare as a golden dime
it's hard to walk that line
too far to walk to find
just where i lost my mind
too dark, no sun to shine
as I walk this earth I'm blind
in turn I'm left behind
can't find that love of mine
she's cut the ties that bind
a flaw in god's design
can't find a word to define
can't find the curve of spine
no longer in my prime
no longer an axe to grind
I'm asking for a sign
feelings I've been masking for some time
I've been acting like I'm fine
I practice all damn night
but, the fact is I'm not alright
the hurt distracts my sight
the work impacts my life
I was wrong, you know I'm right
if you know me, you know I might
let the old me lose this fight
so the new me can hold on tight
to any rays of light
I pray as i lay at night
forgive the words i say in spite
but the birds, they stay in flight
so i know i can say despite
my ways, I've paid the price
in ways as cold as ice
it weighs, I'm told it's nice
it pays the golden price
to take and hold this life
cause even paper folded right
can make a molded kite
that takes up the whole entire sky
so I'm thinking maybe even I
can make this paper your reading fly
and maybe be that guy
that can hold you when you cry
we grow old too, then we die
share a laugh and then we sigh
make a pact within this life
cause it's a fact within this life
once stabbed, you must retract the knife
the wounds, they heal up nice
if only given time
(unfinished)

I work so much
I'm losing my sanity
but that's just the man in me
representing my family
and it's a man they need
3 mouths to feed
I know their mom's doubting me
but, I'm succeeding proudly

I took on a 2nd full time job
cause my check, child support did rob
they call it a payment, but
if it was a payment, i would have gave it up
voluntarily, but in all honesty
they are jacking me
won't even give my income tax back to me

they expect me to live
off of 150 dollars a week
but hey
if ya play, ya pay
but i pay, and still raise
my children everyday

I'm working 16 hours a day
my boys don't understand why I'm always away
if only they knew
the stress i go through
about paying bills
getting prescriptions filled
keeping the fridge filled
buying stuff for their fundraisers at school
having extra cash so they have fun stuff to do
paying a babysitter
its starting to make me bitter

but at the end of the day
when I'm finally home
i sit in my chair
all alone
my kids are in bed
and i look around
at what i have accomplished
i know it would not have been possible
without them

morbidly attractive write. I like reading poems that show that the world is not just sunshine and rainbows. very nice

love is in the heart of you
it's the art of two
it's hard to start a spark that's true
especially when the spark arks and startles you
so far my heart is blue
cause my heart is a part of you
and it's hard to be so far from you
but hark, you heart is true
so i bide my time apart from you
prides my sign I'm a part of you
still waters run deep, please believe it's true
ya don't need to creep to retrieve that clue
water so deep, clear, and blue
hills so steep ya need a partner to
take you to the peak, may take a week or two
have your back to make it through
and take you through
an earthquake or two
being fake just ain't you
won't show hate pertaining to
all the complaining that's draining you
but, at the same time it's entertaining too
cause your brain is amazing boo
and your love is crazy true
I wouldn't trade you, for 8 of you
cause one will do
the fun will spew, love will too
it makes me bend to the will of you
could never think ill of you
never can tell, what will you do
being real, is why I'm feeling you
your heart I'm trying to steal from you
but would never take being real from you

your love is have to get
It's immaculate
and passionate
who's a$$ do i have to kiss
to get back with it
how many lines do i have to spit
how many times do i have to back track a bit
just to get back with it
how many times must my back get hit
getting stabbed in it
but still i am grinning
cause I'm in it to win it
too in it to end it
can't let my in it be diminished
gotta start what i finished
the way your bending is splendid
won't offend it, the way other men did
have you swimming in linen
once we start kissing
your body is twitching
not once resisting my wishes
insisting i listen
and never omit a position
releasing too much tension to mention
but, when did
you become offended
about the impending decision
of us living independent
I listened to your opinion
but decided against it
it's not that I'm against it
but, I'm complacent with bending our friendship
I feel the hints you been sending
since you been acting codependent
which just isn't
how you were representing in the beginning
so lets go back to reliving
the way it was when i extended my friendship
to begin with.

I just want a simple life
a plain white house
and an average wife

I've got 3 awesome kids
I want them to know what a simple pleasure is
just an easy way to live
it's really not all that bad
I'm just an average American dad
giving them the life I've never had
I'm behind on bills, and work overtime
sometimes i feel like I'm gonna lose my mind
but life is great, with these kids of mine
and there's nothing wrong with being a regular guy
it takes too much work to live a lie

we shop at wal-mart and the dollar store
got 2 lamps i only paid 5 dollars for
and for only 4 dollars more
i got a welcome mat to put in front of our door
simple folk like us, don't need to keep score
and i could not ask for more

we camp out, in our backyard
roast marshmellows under the stars
I rent my house and drive a crappy car
living simple is not that hard
and it's worked for us so far
my kids are happy and so am i
were an average family, with an average life
we don't need fancy things, to know what family means
were content with our simple dreams
we survive our lives with simple things
we don't live beyond our means
and we need nothing beyond our dreams

were rich in smiles, hugs, and I love you's
that's all it takes to get us through
we don't have what rich folks do
but, what we have is pure and true

I am overworked and underpaid
but i had fun in the sun
with my son's today
no amount of rain can wash our love away
name brands aren't what makes our love so great
money isn't what it takes
and just as soon as this weather breaks
it's just 3 handsome boys and their dad
with a yard full of leaves to rake
and that's OK
working together is just another game we play
not one harsh word to say
cause i made my children smile today
and we didn't have to drive 100 miles away
to some fancy place
we made memories with nothing more,
than a yard full of leaves to rake

I kiss them on their heads
and tuck them in to their beds
I get 3 I love you's dad
and I smile real big
these are the best years I've ever had
cause life's not so bad
with just 3 handsome boys and their dad

sometimes, my rhymes don't make any sense
so i take the time, to define my lines, and explain what i meant
as they pertain to my life's current events
my complaints are in vain, and don't make a dent
my writings are insane, but it's a way to vent
my lack of restraint, distracts the fact, that I resent
the people in my life, and their intent
the way they misrepresent, acting as if
their words are a distraction, while their backstabbing persists
I would print a retraction, if their actions would quit
But, their sitting there laughing, acting as if
I'm naive to their betrayal, and not able to resist
a smiling face, with a deceitful twist
without detecting a fake, and the evil's missed
but, I've noticed, their forked tongues and heard the evil hiss
I've tasted the poisoned kiss
from the lips, of a succubus
their so called "love", is truculent
scathingly harsh, with it's destructiveness
the cause and creator of misogynist's
my love was obtained by fraudulence
and I express disdain, for such contempt

I watched my brother
lay his infant daughter to rest
I watched his heart
ripped right out of his chest
I watched him regress
to being dangerously depressed
and the anger he exerted
inadvertently converted to stress
In turn, the pressure inverted
and attacked what heart he had left
he started to lose breath
and his heart,
literally quit inside of his chest
compared to this
my life seemed to be less of a mess
than i had previously assessed

I watched my father
lay on life support
doctors told me
he was gonna die for sure
and it was all i could do
to hide the hurt
it was more than i had hurt
prior to him dying
and seeing him lying in dirt
I was so disturbed
my mourning was deferred
after his death, i went berserk
and vowed to find his murderer
but as of yet, i have not kept my word
and i feel lower than dirt

my mother was diagnosed with cancer
and set for a fall
yet from me,
she received not even a call
as a matter of fact,
i didn't see her at all
until i received the call
saying she wasn't breathing at all
I went to the funeral
wish i didn't see what i saw
a beautiful woman
free from flaw
I grieved,
cause she hadn't seen me at all
she died all alone
why didn't i just pick up a phone?
or runaway from the foster home
to be with my mom
it hit me like a bomb
now it's too late
she's already gone

my heart, I'm only left with a piece
my sister got into an accident
and death took my niece
I went to see my sister
she was broken, hooked to machines
these are the things
that haunt me in my dreams
these are the reasons, i don't wanna sleep

these are the things
that make me shake and shiver
as she was laying there
with broken bones, and a lacerated liver
love and support
is all we could give her
my niece, I always miss her
my emotions are whirling, and swirling
as if in a twister

(unfinished)

Thanks for all the encouragement. I mean that to everyone who has said something positive. I sincerely appreciate it. sometimes my words are all i have, and I'm just glad they make sense to someone else besides myself. thanks again.

To all those I have hurt.........

I never claimed i was perfect
some went as far, as to say I'm worthless
I know my words cannot reverse this
my apology, is probably as worthless as these verses
so i feel I must be assertive, as a wordsmith
my heart is as big as this earth is
If you need the shirt off my back, I'd gladly go shirtless
your hate is nowhere as intense as this hurt is
and i know i probably deserve this
this is why i purchase
the substances that i purchase
all the pain that i have caused isn't worth it
there is entirely too much hurt in it
from the lies, to the hurtful words sent
I can't honestly say they weren't meant
but i can say my intent
is not to circumvent
and it's not an attempt to mis-represent
or offend by dissent
I am simply discontent
so in turn, I act out with contempt
as an attempt to preempt your contempt
is any of this making sense?

do unto others, before they do unto you
the things that have been done to me
are the things i have done to you
unfortunately, this fact is sad but true
i am in no way mad at you
for being mad at me, for doing bad to you
but i felt i did, what i had to do
to prove, the things i had to prove
you always have to win, so people like me lose
it may be a shock, but people like me too
for doing the things, that people like me do
cause surviving, is something i like to do
but, the people that like me too, try to fight me too
so i automatically assume
your gonna try and fight me too
if its something my friends are trying to do
why shouldn't i assume, your gonna try it too?
am i at all getting through?

my last girlfriend tore out my heart
and i completely fell apart
so now I'm too timid to start
to show my new girl my heart
as an attempt to outsmart
and thwart any future attempt to break my heart
i consider it a safeguard
I've got it down to an art

nothing can hurt me
If I refuse to let it
now are you starting to get it?

Thank you jamie, i gotta be honest, when i post something on here i look for your comment on it. i can respect your critisism. whether it be good or bad i would always appreciate it. I am always waiting for my break lol. hope it comes soon. most of the stuff i write, they are raps. (well maybe a poem here and there) but since i was like 12 i have respected the art of rap and the power it holds over emotions and even actions. I'm not the most talented rapper lol but i enjoy writing them, it just seems to come easy and it really helps me to deal the crap i deal with on a day to day basis. maybe I'm just being a bit cocky, but i really feel like it's something I am good at. some people feel differently, but i have come to terms with the fact I'm not gonna win everyone over and not everything i write is gonna be exceptional. but, i put my whole heart into what i write, and almost all of it is true events from my life. I know, scary right?lol. But, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for your kind words. They have really had an impact.

that is funny as hell! very nice bro!

wow Jamie, I'm so sorry you had to experience that. i could really feel your hurt and sadness. that was definitely a very powerful write.

Our love has faded out
i skated out
before my hate made it out
i played it out
without, breaking down
cause your dating now
I'm contemplating now
the way i allowed
our love, to be tainted by doubt
I took your heart, and ripped it out
threw it on the ground
and kicked it around
Ironically, I'm missing you now
reminiscing bout how
we were in the kitchen kissing
then you started Bit<hin bout how
I used to listen and the spark is missing now
never used to be too proud
to say i love you out loud
regardless if in a crowd
or all alone
as a reminder in a text
or for no reason, on the phone
but, now i don't
not cause i can't, and its not that i won't
I just don't
the words won't
escape my throat
but the hurt and hate, seem to flow
i hate to see ya go
and i replay the day ya chose
If i knew, the things i know
i would have taken it slow
paved us a road
beaten a path
to meet in the past
anything, to be making it last
but, our past has passed
our love is trashed
and smashed
beyond repair
ya see there?
part of me cares
yet, part of me's scared
without the heart that we shared
we parted our pair
started despair
started not caring whats fair
tempers starting to flare
never sparing your heartless glare of a stare
there's hate in your eyes
your dating new guys
saying you wish that I'd die
and I, wish you were right
cause i miss you tonight
and i wish you was right
here with me tonight
so i could do right
I miss the kisses goodnight
but, I
don't miss when dishes would fly
or taking a fist to the eye
wishing that I
could have kissed you goodbye
wishing that I
could make it all right
wish i could try
to give us new life
and make you my wife
wishing my wishes for bliss and bits of light
were in sight
i wish they would work
wishing my words
weren't constantly slurred
cause I constantly hurt
used to wear my heart
on the sleeve of my shirt
recently buried
the remaining pieces in dirt
I'm not really complaining
but, this ordeal has been draining for sure
and I loathe memories, pertaining to her

lol, wish i could. that would definitely solve some of my problems.

I'm sick as hell
But I'm getting well
went to sit and fell
into the pits of hell
with this i tell
because of this i dwell
as a shell
of my former self
it's the form i felt
was normal for myself
in abnormal health
so in this form i dwelt
til my dome was swelled
and i feel it held
all the feelings felt
cause of all the dealings dealt
my soul I'd sell
to escape this cell
with an elated yell
or horrific scream
to wake, from this prolific dream
with this i mean
i wish i seen
a way to cease and assist my scheme
to make this green
and resist this scene
with this relentless being
who's demented pleading
helped to make me greedy
with this life that's seedy
and it's defeating
me completely
I'm retreating
from this beating
and I'm needing
these pills I'm eating
this girls conceded
gods gift to the world, she's treated
never done the things that we did
but she's still a sweetie
and for her, my heart is bleeding
it's scarred, yet beating
but, far from completed
sitting in my car, outside the bar so heated
trying so hard, not to go back to drinking
sitting here simply thinking
bout these feelings that are sinking
my phone is ringing
our song it's singing
but, I'm not answering it
right now, were not discussing $hit
the fire is burning, no need to feed it
no need to beg and plead with
me, cause i know ya cheated
how could ya sleep with
some random creep, this
is messed up, so peep this
i want nothing we had together
our house just keep it
I'm not about to doubt my feelings
I mean it

well, i guess the good thing about having Alzheimer's, is you get to meet new people everyday.

WOW< thats disturbing!lol, but, so is the fact someone took the time to video turtles fu<king. lol

DRIVEL

*transitive verb
-to say in a silly or stupid manner

*noun
-silly, stupid talk; childish nonsense; twaddle
-a worthless message.

Well, while i respect your opinion, it is nothing more than just that. your opinion. I appreciate your critisism. But, in turn i would have to say that your retort to my feelings, is drivel.

my eyes begin to close
but i refuse to sleep a wink
as soon as i start to doze
fear greets me in my sleep
out of necessity, i don't sleep for weeks
i stay awake by abusing amphetamines
and it becomes all too clear to me
as horrible thoughts invade my dreams
i wake up with tears interrupting my screams
cause i dream
of places I've been
and faces I've seen
erasing, good memories
of places, I've lived, 14 years ago
when i was only, 13 years old
Crowley, Louisiana
dreaming of my deceased family
and some family friends
Lord, make this insanity,
cease and come to an end
PLEASE!, of you, this I plead
I truly, suffer this misery
the process is grueling
It's absurd, there is no word
to describe it
it's beyond, me just being disturbed
and i can barely survive it
why are my demons, plotting and scheming
and bothering me when
I'm simply dreaming, and I'm not even
awake
how many men
have a heart that repeatedly breaks
unevenly, my soul it shakes
and as a whole, the tole it takes
outweighs, the days
as a child i would play
with my little brother
out in the, bright sunny weather
these are the moments i treasure
because of the joy and the pleasure
as a boy, my life was so much better
but now, the pain is measured
by my standards
of whats disturbing
and its unnerving
that no matter the drug
its simply not working
its got my body
ceasing and jerking
overdosing, trying to stop hurting
and trying to stop cursing
and blurting obscenities in my sleep
so I'm eating ten of these
pills, to put my brain and its stem at ease
so I'm not haunted, by my memories
but I'm still taunted, by demons living in me