It's been 16 years and i can still hear the gunshot ring in my head
how could you dad? was it so fuc*in hard to be a man
no one understands why it bothers me so bad, but dad you were a fuc*ed up man
there's just a black hole now where you were just standing
i was only 5 years old, but i can still remember all the blood on the floor
how could you just leave mom, my sisters and me
been 16 years but you still haunt my memory
and i still cant find a way to deal with this tragedy
i pray to god every night to end the misery
i can still hear there voices screaming
but dad i was the only one that seen you do that, now can you understand why it hurts me so bad.
But im a mommy now too dad, and it makes me sad to think she wont have her other granddad
and im scared dad, me and him are going down the same path you and mom did
and every problem i have stems from your death
i try not to dwell in the past, but it's real hard
im just as fuc*ed up in the head as you were
and im so tired of being sick and tired
you were my best friend, but now your ashes lay to rest

My heart goes out to you and your little one. Hope you find peace with this tragedy,

Love & Light to you

My heart goes out to you wish I could just wrap my arms around you and tell you that everything will be okay.

Just remember that we must break the cycle of the past. No matter how hard we want to understand why one would take their own life those answers will never come.

What we must do is take those first steps in finding a way to heal our own hearts......I do hope for the sake of your little one you take those steps......

wow Jamie, I'm so sorry you had to experience that. i could really feel your hurt and sadness. that was definitely a very powerful write.

Jamie,,it wasn't really his fault that he did this...his mind just seen THAT as its way to stop all the pains he had in his..
My step-daughters real blood Father,,found his Mother dead,,when he was just 13 years old,,,well,,,this man,,never was really a DAD to any of his kids,,and especially to my step-daughter. He never sent her any cards, no phone calls and SHE never even met him,,til she took him to court foe back child support at her age of 15,,,and through that,,HE took a shutgun to his head,,and STILL didn't do that very good,,she was called to the hospital to see him LIKE THAT,,for three hours of his dying to be done..
SHE also has attempted to kill her self twice...When she arrived at that hospital that night, her dads new wife,,told her it was her fault,,that HE done this...
What I'm trying to say here through all of this,,is SOMETIMES,,
YOUR SPARED worst traumas by the acts that happened when they did,,
My daughter's still alive and doing ok,,,but her life's run,,is Always
on its edge,,,as she is Bi-polar,,,and still never to be FREE,,,of her
visions and her dad's short life,,just as YOUR struggles here and through,,all of your growing to never have really known him as an adult.
I am here always for you as for anyone who needs a friend to vent out to,,or to listen,,I have been through many years of conseling with my own daughters issues she has and feels..and everyone needs someone to talk to
sometime....
This was very well written,,and thank you for sharing this with us here.