employers can be very selective nowdays. there are so many people looking for jobs and willing to do most anything for a dollar. working weekends is almost automatic for new hires so the senior people can be off if they want.
dont get frustated it will take time to get a good job, and remember there is a lot of compatition for what jobs there are, best of luck to you kitten

Limerick Liquor


There was a young man named McSweeny
Who spilled some gin on his weenie
Just to be couth
He added Vermouth
And gave his girlfriend a martini!

Walking through New York's Chinatown, I was fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. I turned a corner and saw a building on Mott Street with a sign which read -- "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry."

"Moishe Plotnik?" I wondered. "How does that fit in Chinatown?"

So I walked into the shop and saw a fairly standard-looking Chinese laundry. I could see that the proprietors were clearly aware of the uniqueness of the name as there were baseball hats, T-shirts and coffee mugs emblazoned with the logo "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry." There was also a fair selection of Chinatown souvenirs, indicating that the name alone had brought many tourists into the shop. I selected a coffee mug as a conversation piece to take back home with me.

Behind the counter was a smiling old Chinese gentleman who thanked me for my purchase in English, thickly accented with Chinese.

I asked, "Can you tell me how this place got a name "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry?"

The old man answered, "Ahh... Everybody ask that. Is name of owner."

Looking around, I asked, "Is he here now?"

"He is right here," replied the old man. "He is me."

"Really? How did you ever get a name like Moishe Plotnik?"

"Is simple," said the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front is Jewish gentleman from Poland. Lady look at him and say, 'What your name?' He say 'Moishe Plotnik.' Then she look at me and say, 'What your name?' I say, Sam Ting

Q: How do you know when your divorce is getting ugly?

A: When your lawyer doesn't seem like a bloodsucking leech anymore.

--------

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

A: A leech will let go when its victim dies.

--------

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a dalmation?

A: A dalmation knows when to stop chasing the ambulance.

--------

Q: What does molds, ooze, and lawyers have in common?

A: They're all slime!

--------

Q: Why did the lawyer cross the road?

A: To get to the car accident on the other side.

--------

Q: What would happen if you locked a cannibal in a room full of lawyers?

A: He would starve to death!

--------

Q: Why don't hyenas eat lawyers?

A: Even hyenas have some dignity.

A man was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories.

A week later the man complained to the doctor that they didn't produce the desired results.

"Have you been taking them regularly?" the doctor asked.

"Of course! What do you think I've been doing," the man said, "Shoving them up my azz?"

While in New York,

The Pope decided to grant absolution to three sinners.

The first person to come up was Howard Stern.

The Pope asked, "What is your sin?"

"I've offended people all over America," noted the self-proclaimed, "King of All Media."

The Pope replied, "Kneel down. I'll bless you and grant you absolution."

Next was Bill Clinton.

"What is your sin?" asked the Pope.

Clinton said, "I cheated on my wife."

The Pope looked at him and said, "Kneel down, my son. I'll bless you and grant you absolution."

The Pope then asked a third sinner, "What is your name?"

"Monica Lewinsky," came her reply.

The Pope said, "Maybe you should remain standing."

as a gun owner, please try to break into my house, as Clint would say " make my day". Hell yes were happier, we feel safer. when guns are outlawed only outlaws will have guns

just a date or little fling is fine, but long term does not normally work out real well.

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.

One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.

Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,

"Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Wallace.

"My Private Part died today, and I am very sad."

Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy,

she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences."

The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part

hanging out of his pajamas.

He met Nurse Tracy. "Mr. Wallace," she said,

"You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that.

Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas."

"But, Nurse Tracy I can't," replied Mr. Wallace.

"I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.

"Yes," said Nurse Tracy, "you did tell me that,

but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?"

(You've gotta love this .)

"Well," he replied, "Today is the viewing."

i like a lot of people am selective. i will always respond to emails no matter how hard it is. it is hard sometimes to just say flake-off in a nice way. ( i have got many that very same way ) on ocassion i have received the very nicest brush-off and will sometimes reply with a hearty thank you for your niceness. but no still meanss no, so get over it and move on.

Dearest Redneck Son,



I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read

in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles

of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the

address because the last West Virginia family that lived

here took the house numbers when they moved so they

wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine.

I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and

pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week;

the first time for three days and the second time for four

days.

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob

said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the

buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really

worried because it took him two hours to get me and your

father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out

what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.

The baby looks just like your brother.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men

tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We

had him cremated, he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck.

Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to

safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They

drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out

of the normal has happened.

Your Favorite Aunt,



Mom

President Bush was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon.

"Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news and bad news."

"Oh, no..." muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first."

"The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet."

"Gosh, and the good news?" asked the President.

"The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil!"

Q: Do I have to be married to have fax?
A: Although married people fax quite often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.

Q: My parents say they never had fax when they were young and were only allowed to write memos to each other until they were 21. How old do you think someone should be before they can fax?
A: Faxing can be performed at any age, once you learn the correct procedures.

Q: If I fax something to myself, will I go blind?
A: Certainly not, as far as we can see.

Q: There is a place on our street where you can go and pay to fax. Is this legal?
A: Yes. Many people have no other outlet for their fax drives and must pay a 'professional' when their need to fax becomes too great.

Q: Should a cover always be used before faxing?
A: Unless you are really sure of the one you are faxing, a cover should be used to insure safe fax.

A guy from Tyson Foods arranged a visit with the Pope.

After receiving the papal blessing he whispered, "Your Eminence, we have a deal for you. If you change The Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread...' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken...' then we will donate $500 million dollars to the Church."

The Pope responded, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed."

"Well," says the Tyson man, "We are prepared to donate one billion dollars to the Church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread...' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken..."

Again the Pope replied "That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed."

Finally, the Tyson guy said, "This is our last offer. We will donate five billion dollars to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread...' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken...'" and he left.

The next day the Pope met with the College of Cardinals to say that he had some good news and some bad news...

He started, "The good news is that the Church has just received a donation of five billion dollars...

The bad news is that we are losing The Wonderbread Account

The teacher asked little Susie, "Susie, what does a cow sound like?"

"Moooooo!" replied the young one.

"That's great Susie!" shot back the teacher.

Then teach asked Jimmy, "What does a rooster sound like?"

"****-a-Doodle-Doo!" said the little guy.

"That's great Jimmy!" said the teach. Then she asked Little Johnny, "What does a pig sound like?"

"FREEZE! Up Against The Wall!" exclaimed Johnny.

A 16-year-old girl bought herself a very tiny bikini. Very proud, she came home and put it on. She then showed her mother how she looked in it.

"What do you think mom?" she asked.

Her mother replied: "I think if I wore that when I was your age, you would be 5 years older."

Dear Friend:
I have the distinguished honor of being on the Committee to raise $5 million for a monument of Hillary R. Clinton . We originally wanted to put her on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for two more faces.
>
> We then decided to erect a statue of Hillary in the Washington , D.C. Hall of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside her husband William J. Clinton, who never told the truth, since Hillary could never tell the difference.
>
> We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he didn't know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been and did it all on somebody else's money.
>
> Thank you,
>
> The Hillary R. Clinton Monument Committee
>
> P.S. The Committee has raised $1.35 so far.
>

soumds like you are in a rut. you may need to find something differant to amuse you. there are a million things to do, but just a few to grab you attenion, it may take a while to find something you like but you need to try to find something, reach out and grab the golden ring.

<>It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.




<> You are not drunk
if you can lie on the floor
without holding on.




<>
We have enough youth.

How about a fountain of "smart"?







The original point and click interface
was a Smith & Wesson.




<> A fool and his money
can throw one hell of a party.




<> when blondes have more fun do they know it?






<> Five days a week my body is a temple.
The other two it's an amusement park.




<> LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKES
USE BIRTH CONTROL


<>

<> money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.




<> Don't Drink and Drive
You might hit a bump and spill something.




<> If at first you don't succeed
skydiving is not for you.




<> Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.




<> Time's fun when you're having flies.

......Kermit the Frog




<> We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.




<>Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.




<> Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers
give the rest a bad name.




<> One good thing about Alzheimer's is
you get to meet new people every day.


Friends don't let friends
take ugly people home.



<> > Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge
to produce reproductive organs.




Alabama state motto:

At least we're not Mississippi




<> Gaseous clouds
have been detected
around Uranus.




<> ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO
MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY.




<>

GUN CONTROL:
using both hands




The more I learn about terrorism,
the more I understand the phone company.




The latest survey shows that
three out of four people make
up 75% of the population





Calling an illegal alien an "undocumented immigrant"
is like calling a drug dealer an "unlicensed pharmacist ".

i am still trying to figure out the lessor of 3 evils, but the flat chested broad is looking better, as i puke into the toilet!!