you read in the forums you will see more and more people and they read too. thats what makes most email people, just getting a sence of who you are by what you post, Lex is right on the money! believe it or not. it is true.

in March we get some of our heaviest snows but they normally do not last very long, warm days and cold nites

Darn democrats!! and some can't read either!! roflmao!!

Test for DemenTA
Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are....

Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)






First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?






Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
absolutely wrong!! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up next time.
Now answer the second question,
but don't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?

Second Question:
I f you overtake the last person, then you are...?
(scroll down)










Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?
< B>

You're not very good at this, are you?



Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.



Take 1000 and add 40 ! to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30.
Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000
Now add 10. What is the total?


Scroll down for answer.....








Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.


If you don't believe it, check! it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right....
....Maybe.


Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,
4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?








Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!


Okay, now the bonus round:

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and! the purchase is
done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?













He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple.... Like you!



PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE
SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE

SMART ASS ANSWER #6 -- It was mealtime during a flight on Hooter Airline. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5 -- A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'

SMART ASS ANSWER #4 -- A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she co uldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'

SMART ASS ANSWER #3 -- The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the cop said. The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.' When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2 -- A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, ' Low Bridge overhead.' Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck , huh?' The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.'

SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007 -- A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

Two bonus extras: A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, 'May I have 50 Christmas stamps?' The clerk says, 'What denomination?' The blonde says, 'God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.'

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' He never heard the shot....

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN
WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND.
THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.
THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.
"THAT WAS MY PAGER, SHE SAID.
I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM."

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG.
THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR.
WHEN SHE FINISHED,SHE EXPLAINED,
"THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE, I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW-TECH.
NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE.
SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM.
SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM
HER REAR END. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER. THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID..................." WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT.....I'M GETTING A FAX!!"

THE LAWS OF LIFE
Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Rugs/Carpets
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Location
No matter where you go, there you are.
Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Brown's Law
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Oliver's Law
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson's Law
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. (this one is true every time!)
Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

A six year old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts into his grandpa's room.


"Grandpa, Grandpa," he says excitedly, "as soon as
Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"

"What?" said his grandpa.


"Make a noise like a frog because grandma said that as soon as you croak, we're going to Disneyland!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Jose and Carlos are panhandlers.
> They panhandle on different areas of town.
>
>
> Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects 2 to 3
> dollars every day.
> Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Merced es,
> lives in a mortgage
> free house and has a lot of money to spend.
>
>
> Carlos says to Jose, 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do
> you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?'.
>
>
> Jose says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say?'
> Carlos sign reads, 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support.'
> Jose says, ' No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars.'
>
>
> Carlos says, 'So what does your sign say?'
> Jose shows Carlos his sign.
> It reads, 'I only need another $ 10.00 to move back to Mexico '
>

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

why does this keep reposting every 2 weeks??

dear your love
it could be worse, i could be you you sad sack!!!!

Dear Ann Landers,



I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas, who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth.



One of my sisters lives in Pflugerville and is married to a transvestite.



My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas .



I have two brothers: one is currently serving a non-parole life

sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994.



My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual

misconduct with his three children.



I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview . She is a part-time "working girl."



All things considered, my problem is this: I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.



Should I tell her about my cousin who supports Hillary Clinton for President?



Signed,

Worried About My Reputation

don't let it bother you. i look at profiles all the time sometimes several times but that does not mean any thing but that i am looking, if i am really serious i will email, if they respond or not tells me a lot but if i get an email i always respond no matter what, even if to just say not interested.. i see people check mine out just like i do but heck i dont care if they email or not, if there really interested they will, either way no sweat. Mike

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's
a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup.
So she peels it off and starts screaming,
"I've won a motorhome!
I've won a motorhome!"

The waitress says, "That's impossible.
The biggest prize is a free Lunch.?"

But the blonde keeps on screaming,
"I've won a motorhome!
I've won a motorhome!"

Finally, the manager comes over and says,
"Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken.
You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome
because we didn't have that as a prize.

The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake.
I've won a motorhome!"

And she hands the ticket to the
manager and HE reads...





W I N A B A G E L"

i have parts of me that are BLUE because im so horny!!!!!!

slow server, happens all the time

that very same thing happened to me once!!!!!!!!

i never did and dont see any need to. but welcome anyway, i enjoy your sense of humor, better late than never!!

A happy Roman?? Gladiator!!

Indecent = if it's long enough, hard enough, and in far enough. It's Indecent