Yes I understand what the purpose of Alanon is. I also know what detachment is. I have taken the steps for my own happiness. I am never "unhappy." I am a very happy person. There is nothing that alanon can tell me that I don't already know.

An alcoholic has a choice to choose to indulge in his or her addiction and pay the price of hurting or deserting the people who love him ~~ or not. A wife or family member can choose to live with that, put up with that, go to alanon to help them deal with that ~~ or not.

Yes I probably am angry, but more disappointed than anything because of the choices he made. Because he chose to blame and hurt others, he chose to abandon his children, he chose to be irresponsible. That is his choice. I have accepted that. His life is his own.

But where I draw the line on any compassion for him is when he hurts the people that I love. I will not let him do that again. I CAN handle my own disappointment, but I will not let him hurt the people I love. He becomes the enemy at that point.
Call that angry if you want. I call it self preservation.

Jeannie




Jeannie,

Can you see the resemblance of attitude that you and your brother share?

A nano mouse

Not really, except for self preservation.

jeannie

Hey Nice to see everyone. I had a great day at work yretersday and look forward to today. You guys and gals are mylife line through the day and meetings at nite. Take special care and see you,s later

Hi hope you all have a great day and talk later.

I have a feeling someone else or a whole gang of folks have already spanked you for this statement but....

Sure, the only human that has the power to make one quit drinking or doing drugs is the addict. However, a lot of addicts feel the need to subject themselves to a higher power. Who cares what you believe or why you believe it? If belief in a god/higher power works for that individual then that's what it takes.

This might be bad for my appearance (on my online profile, that is) but I'm what you'd call a binge drinker. My drinking doesn't affect (or dictate) my work or social life but, when I drink, I really drink. Thought about giving it up many times but it's not happened. Don't want it to happen. I love the many different beers available too much to give it up. So I know how hard it can be to give up something you "love".

Good luck to the OP and anyone else dealing with addiction and congrats to those who have been able to shake the monkey.

We are all connected to that higher power and that higher power is our own spirit. When people turn to what they think is a "higher Power" what they are doing is reaching past the unconscious and talking to their own higher power. That is a contact with your own higher power. It's interest is in you because it is you.

Is there a higher power than that? I think yes. But the one that looks after you personally is your own spirit. It is that will inside of you that actually makes choices and decisions. It knows more than you because it sits above information. But it is you.

You look within for that part of you that makes decisions, and that is your higher power. Your little self is the one who cannot see, who feels helpless. Your true self is the one who watches and it will help you when you ask.

Jeananie

Glad you had a good day at work, Jon. I had a good night at work. It is amazing how getting some good sleep can help one. Having two days off from work helped me to enjoy my job better. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. Abstinence I think helps the mind to grow fonder. I was turning into a real grouch and the time I took off to enjoy the fruits of my labor really helped me. Taking one day off from work helped me to catch on my rest and then taking the second day off I actually got to enjoy. It helped me to heal and rethink why I work where I do anyways. I was in a much more loving mood when I returned to work. One resident even said she missed me while I was off work. I guess it can be hard to miss someone when they are always there. I was working so much that my attitude was really starting to suck. When I went back to work my attitude of gratitude was back. I was enjoying my job again and the fruits of my labor. My gratitude speaks when I care and when I share the NA way.

Oh Boy!

Well tomorrow I get checked for colon cancer and not really looking forward to that at all(ouch) I have really enjoyed everyone here and look forward to some good recovery and advice from each of you.

To me it does not matter qeatger you are clean for 20 hours or 20 years I can and will learn from you.

Well I will close for now and remember easy does it

Step Four.


Made a Searching and Fearless Moral Inventory of Ourselves.




This is a humbling step as we have to take stock in all the things we have done in our lives and what part of our lives it has affected.

This includes everything including sex stuff, thefts, anger issues ect. ect.

It says in this step to be fearless and we should be because we will get out of this what we put into this step.

I would welcome any input concerning this step from anyone including your fears about doing it.

My biggest fear was admitting some stuff even to myself which I later analyzed as my writer's block. It was why I had so much trouble when trying to begin my fourth step. It made sense because as you know on the medallions it reads from William Shakespeare's quote, "To thine ownself be true." In the preamble it even states and I paraphrase, "... some of us were inconstitutionally incapable of being honest with ourselves...". I found out from being in meetings that I was in denial and it was no wonder I had such a struggle with the first step. Like I writer I had this big place of wadded up paper I kept throwing. It was like I can't put that on paper. I was my own censor. The only way I could get past the writer's block was just to start writing down the horrible stuff as it came. A counselor helped me with a fourth step format and I read the big book, too. The counselor said, "Oh, come on. Surely, you have one asset. You are not drinking and drugging now."

I often wonder if these steps (self-examination, etc) wouldn't be helpful to many people...

I myself have been extremely fortunate to only be addicted to cigarettes and chocolate and I stopped smoking almost 3 years ago... I have no plans to quit chocolate.

I have lived with alcoholics and drug addicts though. It is sad to see people self-destruct and there is nothing you can do to stop it.

Good luck to you all. Stay strong.

The following passage if from page 67 of the Big book:


We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.

Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our faults we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight.

Again on page 68 the promise of the 4th Step:

We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.

Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our faults we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight.

I could not get my 4th step done in a timely manner, so my sponsor told me to set a date to do my 5TH STEP.
That way I had to have the 4TH STEP done by that date. I had to be honest about it, which help me become more humble about it.

You don't have to want to do it, you just have to do it.

Bearsman from Wongo Island.

Update:

Eveything went well with my colonoscopy today and everthing was normal. Thank-you for those that e-mailed me and I want to thank everyone here for your valued feedback.

Piece of cake, eh? Now you don't have to do it for another five years. Congrats.

"

yes and they even put me to sleep so I didn,t have to feel a thing. Thanks so much

Well,

All I got to say is "Coolo"!

B

"


Thanks for stopping by David and for your input. Theres alot of people who love to drink and when they do they drink hard we call them here in Canada two fisted drinkes and it does not mean that they are alcoholic.

There is however another saying which is anyone can jump on the garbadge truck, but they do not have to ride it all the way to the dump.

You and only you will no when you have crossed the line into alcoholic drinking and my wish is that you do not have to suffer as I did.

You really sound like a nice guy and I hope to hear from you again. Take special care my friend.

Hi Everyone a great day to be sober isn.t it.

Sure is a great day to be sober, Jon. One of our stray sheep came back into the fold. I was so glad. He is still sober and just tried a geographical cure. He related to us that he was in a checkout line and when the guy ahead of him pulled out his money his bag of drugs fell out. Of course, my friend being a good addict picked up the bag. He then went through what we call in the program 'mental masturbation'. His alternatives were to give the other addict back his drugs; Try to sell the drugs so that he wouldn't use them or just flush them down the toilet. Decisions, decisions. I could relate with his geographical cures and the 'mental masturbation' because of being a former hitch hiker. I can remember hitch hiking and finding a case of beer or a bag of grass that someone had to ditch so the cops wouldn't get them for possesion and saying, "Thank you, sweet Jesus. You do love me."