I am doing better not dating married people. I have some nice married friends. I am finding I like their mates, too. Since my last wife made me a widower I have better experiences with widows. Most of the divorcees I know are still bitter. After listening to some of them talk I can't really blame them for the bitterness. I have gave up on dating and finding friendships to be a more viable option. I can have many friends but with dating I would feel less comfortable with many dates. Friendships are just easier and more relaxed.

Dose that mean you are giving up ever being intimate again?

I am starting to think so. I have intimacy without sexuality in the meetings I go to. I have been trying to get back on third shift because most meetings I go to around here are during the second shift time. Working in the helping profession does give me a lot of intimacy. Maybe its not normal but it seems to working well.

Same here this age is hard to fine what yah want. Which is just love caring and some understand. And all I find is it is all about me out there.

I feel there is a major difference in the thinking of a divorce situation & a death seperation. Divorce is "desired" by at least one of those involved. Death is a NOT WANTED situation. I have done both & the feelings are totally different. Many people seem to feel these 2 situations are similar, till you walk the path, you can't understand.

I think the feelings I had being intimate with can never be reached again, in this life.
It's been 11+yrs, I have dated alot, it is just very different somehow. I can find myself thinking of her at very awkward times.
Give up being intimate, she told me; "I never expected you to be a priest."
But those feelings I seek, seem unattainable.
I find some peace in my memories.

Good Monday Morning All! Hope you all have a great week! HUGS ALL AROUND

HEY HOPE ALL IS WELL

Hello Everyone,

I have a question. How long does it take for the helplessness and guilt over not being able to help
the most important person in your life last?

Does it ever get down to a managable Level?

Does anyone else have those days when someone smiling and saying good morning to you seems reasonable cause to strangle them?

Have you been there? Are you still there? How do you get past this point?

Have you ever had your loved one beg you to put them out of their misery because they hurt so bad? Been there when they were sent home to die?


Just curious. Don't mean to bring anyone down.

Sorry having a bad day. (Anniversary of the day).

Hey Having a bad day is what your here for. Vent helps lot. Writing help might have to do it many time but it helps me each time. I think my husband is in a much better place and out of pain and at peace. I would say everyone is different on how long things take. The world sure pushes you because you got to make a living and keep your head above water. And as time goes by things get easier. I push myself daily to look at the possitive side to life the only way I make it, at times.

Thanks Carold,

And your Right I would never want her to be back here suffering. She is in a much better place.

I get locked into a loop of feeling guilty that at times I get made at her for dying. I know that she had no choise and was suffering all the time.

She suffered more than anyone should ever have to.

I fear that much of me died with her. Guilt, bitterness, and a feeling of helplessness seem to be all that is left.

She died 3 months and 21 days before what would have been our 20th wedding anniversary.

Thanks for the shoulder, sorry I got it wet.

Thanks again,

R

Hi, All I CAN SAY SHE WAS VERY LUCKY YOU LOVED YOU THE WAY YOU DO. MY HUSBAND PASSED AWAY 4 YEARS AGO IN. AUG. I WENT THROUGH MANY THINGS. I WAS 48 YEARS OLD AT THAT TIME. I HAD TO MOVE FROM PA TO OHIO TO HELP TAKE CARE OF MY PARENTS. I THOUGHT THEN I COULD NEVER DATE OR KISS OR MAKE LOVE TO ANYONE AGAIN. BUT SINCE THEN IV MEET A MAN, WHO IAM NOT GOING TO MARRY ,BUT HE HELPS FEEL THE LONELYNESS I HAVE FOR MY HUSBAND. DONT GIVE UP! AS THE DAYS AND WEEKS AND YEARS GO BY YOU WILL CHANGE AND YOUR THOUGHTS WILL TOO. GOD BLESS! CHARLOTTE

I'm glad I found this topic. I had a lot of loss the past 11 months. I lost my mother suddenly in January. Then lost my Wife in July. My wife lost her battle with Ovarian cancer, I stayed with her in hospice. I kissed her and told her "I love you and I'll miss you", when she took her last breathe. I have all kinds of diffrent emotions going through my mind. The most difficult one is feeling guilty because I couldn't do anything for her. The cancer had spread into her intestine and developed a tumor that caused total blockage to where she couldn't eat or drink, and she was so hungry and thirsty that she would plead to me to give her something but I couldn't. That is the main thing I'm having a difficult time dealing with. Right now I move from ohio back home to Indiana, bought a place and me and my dad are staying together. We have a lot that we can talk about that helps, we both lost our wives and we can talk about why and how we feel.
Just wanted to give my input here. I know this time of year was my wife's favorite time, she loved to cook thanksgiving dinner and so did my Mother. So Me and my Dad were not going to do much this year.

Gwen, died 11 yrs ago & It has been a journey.
If any one wants to chat,I am always open to sharing my experiences.

Hi. If you see in the picture how beautiful she was. I love and miss her so much. I feel lost without her. I'm not sure what direction to go with my life any more.

Jef, ck my pics & you will see the Tat.that I haveof Gwen, located on my left chest.
Totally understand your pain.
Again, want to chat, I am around.

Hi everyone! Just stopping in to see how we're all doing with the holidays.

Welcome Jef. I am sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my husband to lung cancer June 1999. He was 37 I was 35. I started this thread in the hopes that we can speak about our feelings and offer support to one another.

I'm Connie

Love and hugs from one Lady who has been widowed twice


to all of those who also have lost their mates to death


May your hearts always be filled with the best and finest of memories




this is a favorite quote of mine

and i have embellished it a bit



Memory ...


is the exquisite Power


to gather beautiful lush fragrant Roses


in the bleakest & bluest part of winter

That is one thing shoulder are for. As time goes on things do change. Give it time you need to grieve. How was Thanksgivig?

They say take time your life will go in the direction it need to go. Just lean to the possitive side as you go. Don't feel guilt you were there for her. Some can't deal with death like you had to just reading your story touch my heart. You seem young to have gone though that. Good to hear you have your Father.