I've never been married. But I already had lost two bf's while we're still in a our relationship. The first one happened whenI was 18. My bf that time was a Marine soldier, we lasted for a year. He was declared missing after their operation in a very critical area in Davao City. It happened almost five years ago and since then, I never heared about him or even recovering his dead body if he's really dead. But I've been hoping that he is still alive. The other bf I had lost died last year, month of June. It's unexpected. He died 7 days before my birthday. It's so hard because I was not on his side when he was dying from pain. I could still remember the last words he had told me. "Good night, I love you and you have to visit me tomorrow." I have to sleep now." Then just after 5 minutes after he fall asleep, he died. It was in the middle of the night when I was awaken by phone calls, then I heared the worst news. My love was already gone. I just cry out loud and I felt like I was dying too. So bad it happened.

Thinking about my post to this and think it is worth adding that regardless of the risks of dating military men that turn out to be heart ache for one reason or another it is still one of the greatest blessings in life if you luck into a good one. AND there are a lot of Good Ones.

While the majority of my career was working with "soldiers with problems" the number of "problem soldiers" was really very low considering the age and extream demands of the profession. Even in hard times most soldiers (I use the term generically for any legitimate military member) soldiers will look for solutions and conduct themselves honorably. Yes The Mission often demands a lot from anyone who chooses to see the soldier in the uniform but it is usually more than worth the sacrifice in my book. More often than not I have seen soldiers put friends, fianc�e's, and family in a better position than they have ever been in their lives. Even with low pay, substandard housing, and complicated medical systems and chronic stress from being used to the max and then dropped from the system on the whim of taxpayers that falsely use them as the scape goat for our own economic poor planning. Many are devoted husbands and excellent father's; and yes mother's. They are often respectful of parents and culture's they have little prior experience with and can be devoted long term friends. Yea there are some "bad apples and sadly they do cause some real misery but if you are blessed to be chosen by a good soldier and they make you part of the military family you are a lucky person indeed.

Sorry you had these experiences.

While my comments do NOT apply to you personally I hope it is food for thought in future relationships.

When dating military one rarely has any status as a girlfriend. Even if they are a long term girlfriend and exclusive. Even if they have received an engagement ring and they have professed they want to marry. (These often cheap, some times fake, diamonds are called "***** passes" because once the ring is on the finger the girl believes and starts allowing sex even though the guy never plans to actually marry. Since the ring is much cheaper than paying for a prostitute and some believe is less risk of STD's or being injured by a pimp until an outraged brother, father, or worse Mother, maybe even girlfriend, or victim corners the guy and exacts revenge. Not all military deaths are service connected.

Sometimes his friends will tell you basics but if the person themselves doesn't tell someone you are the significant other , he give you a limited Power of Attorney, or at least gives you a family contact in case of emergency but you are out of luck to know anything because of strict confidentiality regulations.

Most stateside families will quickly and quietly ignore your existence if they don't openly make it clear to the military to tell you nothing as they erase any trace of you from their little darlings "public" records. Sometimes when families find out they actively work to discourage the relationship and actually participate in the con game. The guy goes home, sometimes dishonorably discharged, but they marry a local girl like they are a hero returned and you never existed.

Often if you make friends with these creeps friends you only risk being lied to and taken advantage of in the guise of sympathy. Creeps finding themselves on orders to be rotated to another assignment have been known to sell their knowledge of you for a case of beer or less. While you find them attentive, kind, advanced they are only working from a cheat sheet how to con you.

This kind of distance and lack of information usually suggests you are yet another young female being played for the time being and the death scenario is just a ruse to vanish so you or family members will not pursue them for "justice".

While Chain of Command "officially" frowns on such hanky panky an manipulation of civilians they often "excuse" it as the price women who date military members hoping to become dependents of the military risk.

Sadly these "problem" service members usually leave a wake of several heart broken sweethearts and sometimes illegitimate children for the thrill of getting letters, pictures, and other comforts such as food, jewelry, electronics, or even drugs and invitations to "local" parties.

It is very hard on families but sometimes even they turn on the victims and the devastated young women who learn this painful fact of life sometimes years later when they have become too old to marry local bachelors that have disqualified them as "camp followers".

Also means that the nice guys who would fall in love and actually marry a nice local girl are seen as suspect and take an enormous amount of grief.

That said if a guy is having regular phone contact with a female and dies usually someone will contact you if only a military investigator so it sounds like you were duped maybe twice.

Another possibility is one or both of these guys committed suicide or went AWOL so you may actually be lucky the relationships end. While it rarely gives closer sometimes it is mistakenly told as a kindness so a young woman moves on thinking they lost a hero rather than adding the burden of a zero.

One thing investigators rarely find worth over looking in researching the death of a service member is someone who has been involved in a similar circumstance. So anyone pretending to be twice the grieving fianc� sounds suspicious and could get one banned from military bases or any place military members are allowed to visit declared off limits. Might make it nearly impossible to get a passport and or fly commercially. With military bases on heightened alert for terrorism doing anything that puts one on a watch list is definitely worth avoiding.

I am sorry for all of your losses. That is just so tragic.

Makes me mad that so many people lost their sig. other and the scammers always say they are widowers. It's just not right.

We just have to believe that we will make it after all...as long as we're alive there is a chance to make our life a better one.God takes away someone we love because He wants us to have a better one to be w/ on this world.