Widow. I am a widow. It's still hard to grasp. I remember the first time I ever said that. The most surreal moment of my life. I came home from work and found him. I desintegrated. Hours later they finally removed his remains. I asked a friend to take me for a drive - I had to get out of the house. We pulled out of my driveway and we caught each other's eyes. Our eyes held for a moment (or a year, I'm not sure). I could see she was struggling to say something, anything that would help. She couldn't find any words. "I am a widow," was all I could say. I said the words, but they weren't real. They didn't make sense. After a moment, she said quietly, "Yes honey, you are, but you are not alone." We drove in silence for a long time.

That was almost three years ago, or maybe three minutes ago, time is distorted now. Days drag by at a snails pace, then suddenly three years have gone by.

Sometimes I wonder, "How have I survived." Other times I wonder, "Why I do survive." He was the one who walked +3 miles a day. He was the one who ate right. He was the one who just got a "clean bill of health" from the doctor.

I doesn't make sense. It's not fair. It isn't right. It's not the way it was supposed to be.

Widower since October of '06.......

Hey folks!

Hi Wynni and Libra. Welcome to our support thread! I'm sorry you both need to be here, but glad you found us.

Wynni, time is such an odd thing isn't it? It can feel like another lifetime ago and just yesterday all at the same time.

Libra, you're coming up or have just passed your 2nd anniversary I suppose. So sorry for your loss.


Again, welcome!

Why is it when you find happiness it gets taken a way

I just figure I was'nt meant for it......

I guess your right

We weren't meant to understand God's plan, while we are alive. Doesn't mean we won't have alot of questions, when it is our turn.

This so true. We will find happiness again one

Hi everybody. I've seen people talk about the 50's thread. How do I join that? Thanks Joy

ya how do

Scroll down the Forums list, close to the bottom should be "Age Groups"
If your in your 50's, should be right there.
Actually 5 or 6 thread from the bottom

I don't have it aim not in my 50's sorry

There's no requirement to be in your 50's. Go to your account and click on settings and add it to your communities. That should add it and you are in.

You will find it the forum settings under age groups

HI all,
to the newbiee sorry you lost some one so dear to you. Stay with our group.
as you all know randy passed just 10 months,19 days,4 hours and 3 minutes ago.
sent alot of time this month thnging of the end for me how to do it, as I released my deaperation i went to a physligest and spent 4 hours...
it did help he told me I was looking for the lost 36 minutes of randy trying to be brought back before they got him to the hospital... he droped at 6.09 am dead... he arrived at the hospital at 6.45.. code called finished dead at 6:59... have been told at AED failed to shock him at the plant. the what happened was driving me nuts....finding answers that never came. he asked how I got there I toldhim I drove he told me to think about driving home backwards could I do it, I replied no.. he said that was how I was living... driving backwards... and that waith cancer i spent the past 7 years + in a war zone closing off feeling just to survive the war and i had to reconnect with what hurts and pains to go on... has been hard to do this the reliving the surgerys( I was in OR for all of them) and all the procudures that he had was present for them also... the only event i missed was his death.
I have spent the past week thinking about this and doing loads of crying, today they called and was digging the footer for his gravemarker at my request I was to be there to watch over the dig and the pour of the concrete. was had but part of finishing promises made to Randy to be there thur it all. the day they set the marker I will be there also.
I found a book we don't die that i have been reading, has helped me..maybe i am working my way to the exceptance that he will be with me always in spirit. the work is hard but i am finding peace as i read this book. It may not help any of you but for me I now have a begining.
they also found squamas cell skin cancer yesterday and will be doing some home chemo for it this month.
hugs to all,
rose

Hang in there Rose.
We are here for you all we can be.

hi all thanks, some days are harder than others, and I believe that things will get better. nice to have a group that understands what we feel that is so helpful to me. rose

Hello everyone hope you are having a good day
we all have to keep out heads up
and go on I know..

One foot in front of the other & nose in the wind.

Everyday is an adventure.

I can agree with that, Rose. One of our new aides is a widower for 17 years. I think he is going to be a great new addition to the nursing home. He is finding the same way I did with the grief I can tell. He said he worked a lot of different jobs like trucking driving, construction and factory jobs but hasn't had a job that is as rewarding as working as an aide. We had a nice chat at break time comparing notes. It was nice to find a fellow guy to share the emotions and feelings with.