What kind of "lady," exactly?
Are you looking for British royalty or....?


Exactly how patient?
I mean some people are more trying than others.

Or do you even mean "patient?" IME a lot of people, when they say they want someone that'll be "patient" with them, they "really" mean: "I want someone that can be my supportive mother/father, teacher, support animal, and therapist. That will never start conflict with me. That will accept my frustrations, push/pull behavior, anger, and my not learning how they communicate but conforming to how I communicate with equanimity. That will be perfectly transparent to me, but not ask anything from me. That will automatically know everything I mean, and have all the answers for me which they can and will explain to me in ways that I will accept without triggering me, capable of handing me options that are all in my interests. Guaranteed to stick around as long as I need them, but if they just have to break up with me or they aren't interested they will coddle me and cater to my emotional insecurities in a way that doesn't appear to be coddling or catering."
Sometimes they'll put something like "I'm shy until you get to know me!" in their profile. Or you'll talk to them and get the victimhood "I have self diagnosed social anxiety!" card they try to play.

Of course sometimes by "patient" they mean "I'm just starting to get my life back in order. I live with my parents. Make no money. But I'm trying to improve my life but it would help if I had someone that believed in me and supported me (at least emotionally). Be patient. I'll get better...but I'm lonely now."

Or many other things. They may actually just mean "I don't sign on everyday."

What exactly do you mean by "patient?"
What do you want them to be "patient" with?

Ok...
Is this like a universal law now? Where if anyone has sex just for fun (even with a partner) they're sent to galactic jail or stoned to death or something?

Is this just your personal belief? Why should anyone follow your belief? Or are you just looking for people that agree with you?

What about masturbation? Does that count as self sex and if I do it just for fun I'm going to that galactic jail? Hold on a sec, some men in black are at the door selling pet rocks, brb...

What's the difference between a mother and a dominatrix?
Whatever difference both of you want there to be.

It's still life.
You might want to narrow down the subject a bit.
"Life" is very broad.
"Without love" is also kinda broad too.


People will also say "OMG! I love pizza!" but they refuse to marry it, screw it, and not get sick of it over time and then after a while say "OMG! I love tacos!"


Most non-pedantic people.


Why would they? What have they seen from the past couple of generations of people that said that?

Sure.
For the most part.

Sure.
Happens all the time.
For a little while.
Then it fails.


Oxytocin is released by both men and women.
Not just during penetration.
All the things listed in the op, including hand holding, intimate moments, touching, release oxytocin, in men and women.


Another interesting thing about oxytocin is it increases perceptions of attraction towards a partner. There have a been a few studies, although some weren't that well done, where they dose a guy with oxytocin then show him a pretty/sexy girl. He doesn't bond with the stranger or even want to bang her, he perceives a stronger bond/attraction/desire to/for the partner he's bonded with.

Even another interesting thing about oxytocin is there have been studies showing the (hormonal) birth control pill reducing the efficacy of oxytocin in women.

Men and women also release testosterone. The more released, the better the orgasm. But testosterone also inhibits the effects of oxytocin.


Dopamine facilitates association/messaging.
Quoted is like saying "the problem is that when junkies get high, the main thing they use is a syringe...Those things are why so many more junkies tend to suffer from heroin addiction."

It would be more accurate to look at smoking. Whereas the nicotine leaves the body pretty quickly after cessation, the associated social factors make it more difficult to quit. Having something in their hands, an accompaniment to drinking, self image.
Saying dopamine is the reason for sex addiction is like saying all that learned behavior people associated/adopted with smoking is the reason why people sought out smoking in the first place.


Other than that, it's complicated and complex.
So:

You're referring to a biological process.
Despite what a lot of people want to believe you are a biological being incapable of absolute control over yourself.
You age. You have a finite span. Your body/biology gives you a finite window. It operates according to its own timeline, not your socially derived/trained desires for when you're "comfortable."

The biological process of pair bonding doesn't have a multi year window that you can absolutely plan for, and it is not absolutely guaranteed for eternity.

There is ultimately a purpose for it other than to titillate emotional "feelz" good or ego stroking.

Sure, partly platonic exists. And you can have it for a short time. But after that, it's time to poop or get off the pot. If you don't do the former, there are other biological factors at work that will make you get off the pot.

Good luck!

JFC.
I hope you were "jk."

I mean 21-21.5 year olds? You crazy?

Go with the 24-30 year olds.

Just like buying a car.

You don't want to buy brand new. It loses half its value right off the lot. And who knows what production flaws were missed.

But you don't want something all old, been in a few wrecks, title problems.
Sure, there are classics. They may look kinda good. But you don't want to drive them every day, otherwise you're constantly working on them. Like supercars. Tons of money and upkeep and body work as it tries to maintain its youth.

You want something that went through a lease, taken care of, still under warranty, will keep going if you just put in the minimum routine maintenance, and you can ultimately trade it back in for a newer model once the mileage gets up there.

It means you're emotionally reacting to something going on with you and mentally your hamster wheel is churning to try and incentivize you into behavior that will either lead to a reduction in stress and/or produce pleasure.

IMO this is kinda like asking "in movies you see cops shoot the gun out of the bad guys hand, or aim for the leg or arm...do people in real life not do this when they end up in a shootout? If not, why not?"

It might help if you give an example of what you're talking about.
I mean I've encountered all sorts of things that can be construed as "lies."

- Some people put up old pictures, but really they were new when they started the profile, and in the 10 years since they've gone through menopause, or developed a thyroid condition, or got too busy at a desk job, or cancer, or got into fitness, and maybe in their own bias they don't see how they've changed physically, or they just didn't pay attention to their profile so never updated it, and only came onto a site for entertainment and conversation,and we just "clicked."

- Some people consciously try to "catfish" people, using lights, camera/app filters, professional photos, old photos, or even those of other people.

- Some people "lie" about their interests. Some people put in only what their current hobbies are. Others put in interests of things they might want to do some day. Some people put in interests of things hoping it will make them seem interesting and therefore more attractive.

- Some people leave a blank interests or profile and will say something like "tell you later/ask me anything." Sometimes that's because they rushed through the profile creation to get to chatting and exploring pictures.
Some people leave it all blank in order to make up whatever they need to with whomever they connect with.

- Some people will put "looking for relationship" but only seek out sex.
Sometimes when they started they wanted a relationship, but over time and lack of success they've turned to whatever is convenient and most immediately gratifying. Some people do want a relationship, but don't necessarily want that with the person they're talking to.

There are a lot of different "needs" to lying on a dating site. Not all are nefarious, not all are more than your interpretation as opposed to their intention.


Hmmm...maybe. A lot of humor and t.v. shows are fundamentally based on schadenfreude. You ever watch Mr. Bean?


Not every woman. But not gonna lie, you can generally tell by how they spell.

In real life.


It's not.
The only thing that causes difficulties are personal subjective biases, standards, and expectations.

Risk aversion.


You aren't really "asking" anything.
You're mostly just stating wants and ideals.

IMO depends on your age, and the purpose of the relationship.
I mean if you're starting out in life and you are planning a big family and all that, then marriage.

If you've hit the middle age wall so are just ultimately looking for companionship and ego stroking, then at best live in. But really, separate residences would be ideal.

If you're asking "you in particular, would you personally prefer marriage or a live in relationship?"
Then I'd probably say either neither, or maybe marriage due to certain tax and legal benefits.

For how long? Doing what?



Non-strangers?


Yes.

That's happened to me (only it was a girl, going to my male best friend).
We just laughed about it, and it became a running joke.
That was back in high school.

Does this mean we have to start saying "the p-word?"
Because next time my boss says "you sure these numbers are accurate?" I don't want to be labelled and flamed on the internet based on my answer.

Time.
Trust can be recovered or gained from someone else.
Time can't.
It's a much more limited resource.

Flying in crazy eastern europeans?
Well, at least the disabled are getting jobs.

Although, personally, I would have flown in eastern european epileptics.
Tie a bunch around the tree, so when they have a seizure all the fruit just falls down into baskets.

...Someone probably had my idea first. Bet it was those nut farms.
"You nuts take our epileptics?! Us fruits take your nuts!"

Darn.
I was hoping this was a sexworkers topic.
Like "Tricks: From Dating To Marriage."


Worded that way, doesn't this mean you've been married a bunch of times?
Is that the goal? The most marriages win life, or the internet, or something?


Have you ever met anyone that didn't value those, or didn't believe they themselves embodied those attributes?

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and said your tricks and they were all "Really? Those work? Aw man, I've been using dishonesty, apathy, hatred, despicability, and distrust...You sure mine won't work for me eventually? Cuz I really like being those..."

To tell the truth.
I'm kinda lazy though.