Swimming pool.
Beaches front oceans and lakes.
Some are all salty from all the whale semen, the rest are full of fish pee.
And that all washes up on the beach.
When the tides aren't busy infusing all that sand with sea life effluvia it's being used by animals as a litter box. You ever step in a dirty diaper half buried in the sand?
Not to mention so many people running around barefoot with all their athletes foot, warts, and toe cheese getting all folded in.
Plus sand acts as an exfoliate so you've got all that dirty foot skin slough worked around.

So, personally, I'd prefer a nice, private pool and patio in my fenced backyard.

Then I can determine whether or not I want it to be nude or non nude.
One big issue with nude beaches is they tend to be populated by a lot of people whom no one really wishes to see naked.
When I go around nude beaches handing out tents saying "Please, god, please put this on, I am begging you!" then I'm the a-hole. But not at my pool!

So no beaches for me.

Same reason as anyone. Child or old.
To obtain something they perceive as good, to avoid something perceived as bad, and/or maintain consistency.

People do anything for basic reasons.
Increase pleasure, reduce stress, and/or maintain the status quo/resting state.

The rest is the hard part of figuring out how they associate these things.
What brings them pleasure, what helps them relax, what can they take for granted.

It's really important to know which person and what lie.

Some lies are "bigger" than others.
Some lies are ultimately the same, have the same effect on people (strangers), but are motivated by something different.
And of course there's always the issue of one person perceiving a lie where none really exists.

I mean there are huge differences between:
- when the cashier asks a girl if they found everything ok the girl lies and says yes because she doesn't have the time to sit around and wait for them to go get it or get back out of line and go running through the store to get it and she just needs to leave to be on time for an appointment.

- A girl on a dating site with a completely fake profile (or even really being a guy with a stolen photo) trying to scam money from you.

- A girl on a dating site with a profile saying she's athletic, single, no kids, 5'3, redheaded, asian, and you meet up and she's a 6'4 blonde bbw white chick married with 4 kids.

- Using duck face, face apps, photo editor, filters, specific poses and lighting, to completely warp the reality of her body type.

- A girl saying she's just going to stay at home that night, but goes out with her friends an hour later.

- A girl wearing a pushup bra and eyeshadow.

- Telling you she loved you 8 years ago, but doesn't really act like it now.

- Wedding vows and commitments, and now wants a divorce.

- Putting in her profile "No hookups! I want something serious! I just want a nice person with a car, a job, and ready to settle down. Where are all the good ones?!" and someone reading that and saying "I have a car, a job, ready to settle down, and I'm a nice person...I've fulfilled her demands, an online profile is a contract! Yay, now I'm entitled to a relationship with her...oh, she doesn't want me, she not responding? She lyin'!"


Without anything more than general vague terms like "girls" and "lies" the only answer that's really going to fit is to gain something, to avoid losing something, and/or to get through something.

Taco Bell.

Personally, I think most people spend too much time on this, and IME/IMO it tends to be overinflated.
They may know their worth, but they don't know the market, their competitors, or their demographics.


I disagree.
IMO it's everyone's right to pursue it, but not to receive it.


That's easy to say, but extremely difficult to do.
For one thing people have an implicit bias against change.
Plus, no one is purely objective.

Also, and IMO extremely important, different value systems.
What exactly is "better?" What's the hierarchy of it?
Everything you do there are benefits, costs, risks, and consequences.

Are you under the impression there is a means of getting everything right and good? Perfection?
How exactly and specifically do you "evaluate urself?" Do you put more weight on immediate, short term, medium, or long term?
What are you willing to sacrifice in order to avoid what level of change?
Which do you value more, or in what ratio: emotional, mental, tangible, social, individual, or group (and which group) benefits?


No, they don't.
No one "has" to accept you.
Some will, some won't.
Some can learn to, others will refuse to.

Other than that, it's a bad statement.
If partners "have" to accept each other, then the person that doesn't want to change "has" to accept the partner that want's to change them.
Is that part of the self evaluation? "Hmmm...maybe this relationship is based on power dynamics drama and conflict. My dominance over them in refusing to change vs. their ability to control me to change."


How? You haven't really offered anything meaningful to do so.

Voluntary?

An example would help.

I can't tell if you're referring to someone in a kitchen with chocolate on their face with their tongue stuck out to the side trying to lick it off, or someone posting a polaroid from the 70's with their thumbs to their temples fingers straight up sticking their tongue out, or the current selfie "phenomenon" of "ahegao" which a lot of cam prostitu...I mean entrepreneurs in a legitimate services industry...use to exaggerate a pleasurable sexual response.

Other than that, are you referring to mostly men or women?
I haven't perused a lot of guys profiles lately.
But in my limited experience I've seen very few male profiles with their tongue stuck out. I've seen a lot of profile pictures with a (sometimes subtle) middle finger, scowl, beards, guns, fish, vehicles, tattoos, but not so much tongue.
The most I've ever seen a tongue stuck out with guys was over a rocker "devil horns" hand sign.

So I guess my answer to your question is it depends on what else is in the selfie.
My reaction is going to be different between someone in a bikini squatting on a giant pillow making an "ahegao" face with a caption of "join my onlyfans" vs. some long haired guy with a metallica tshirt standing in the woods with a beer in one hand making the devil horn sign and sticking his tongue out with a caption of "metal fest 2016!"


Or are you referring to selfies where it's only their tongue? Like a major closeup of just their tongue in the picture?
I have yet to see one or read their profile. Maybe they're a tongue doctor.
But again, depends on more information than just a picture by itself.

Sort of.

IMO what's relevant to dating and romantic relationships is a biological definition.
As a biological phenomena I believe it's possible for some people to experience "love at first sight."

IME a lot of people have expectations of (romantic) "love" being some sort of magic circumstance that lasts forever bequeathing knowledge and peace (guarantees and security); negating the need for commitment, effort and escalating need for adaptation to change being necessary to maintain a relationship.

I believe (romantic) "love" is a biological tool that facilitates and supports efforts to maintain a relationship for the sake of procreation and keeping offspring alive, and without fulfillment of breeding it has a definite EOL date in order to get you to go out and breed.

I do not believe (romantic) "love" is an ego based reward system meant to guarantee perpetual selfish emotional gratification.

Biology is not absolutely designed, perfect, working the exact same for everyone, therefore I do believe some people can have "love at first sight" shortcuts in their biological "wiring."

I don't believe when you're walking around there's a magic diapered fairy that shoots you with an arrow granting you guaranteed "love bliss" if you just encounter the "right one."

So, I believe love at first sight "can" happen when defined a specific way. I just don't think it's something anyone can/should expect, train themselves for, or that it will lead to what a lot of people think it will lead to.

Why do you think so?
What exactly do you think you'll "read?"
And what exactly would you do with whatever information you receive?

Also, how do you think it would "work?"

Do you think you'll be presented with just objective facts whose relevance is easily understood?

Or are you going to, say, see their memories, from their perspective, live through them as they did, without your own biases interfering with the experience?

Without living through their memories and experiences are you really going to understand their unfiltered thoughts, or really understand why those thoughts are the ones that make it to behavior or are hidden?

And, why just men's minds and not everyone's?

Also, why just one sided? Why not something like "I wish people could choose to read each others minds, but it had to be mutual and consensual, and once chosen nothing could be hidden."

Ask your parents how they recovered when they were forced to face the idea that their child was no longer their child but a young adult or adult.

If these happened:
How did you recover from being a child living off your parents to an adult with your own place and responsibility for your own bills.

Or how did you recover when a family member or friend died.

How did you recover when you switched from grade school to high school or to college, or from college to working professional.

Or having a pet die. Or having to leave a pet behind when going off for work or school.

Or your mom getting rid of toys you don't play with anymore.

How did you recover when you had a friend in school and they moved away over the summer.

How did you recover when they closed your favorite restaurant or place you enjoyed going.

How did you recover when you had to get rid of your bike and learn to drive, or get rid of your old car for a new one or have to start walking/biking/riding the bus.


Everyone's gone through multiple (dozens, hundreds, thousands) "breakup" traumas in their life.

People tend to do 1 of 2 things to recover from them:
1. Act like a baby, just wallow in misery screaming or begging for someone to hand them an immediately gratifying palliative to make them feel better because they don't want to think, they just want the stress to go away, just "giving it time" until they just naturally get used to the negative stress and lack of being catered to.
2. Act like an adult, chose something to work towards using their own power and will to self motivate, focusing on a desired future goal (as opposed to trying to avoid a past hurt).

Like most such terms I would speculate the amount of offense taken is inversely proportional to how attractive you are to them and/or your degree of "stranger" to them.

How much money?
What kind of love?

I mean if I choose money, does that mean I'm handed 75 cents and any pets I have now hate me? If I have kids does that mean I am completely apathetic towards them, or even hate them and vice versa?

Other than that, without any limiting conditions or context, I'd have to choose money.
It's far more versatile and necessary for my desired level of convenience (I assume I could use the barter system and trade chickens for car repairs, but if not it would make life even more inconvenient and impossible) plus it buys a whole bunch of things that make me happy.

If you're asking a question more like "would you pass up a job making a million dollars, settling for a job where you only make 500k, because the new responsibilities and stress would destroy your relationship with the love of your life with your relationship perfect at this point?"
Then yes, I would pass that up.

Depends on how you mean this.
Depends on practical use.

With online dating you don't really get any special brownie points for honesty.
Like "Oh, I'm not all that attracted or interested, but they were honest, so now I owe them a date and chance."

Some people also can't understand there's a huge middle ground between honesty and dishonesty. That there's not an inherent inverse proportional relationship between honesty and dishonesty.
Some things are private or none of someone's business.
Sometimes you can say "I'm not comfortable discussing that," and that will drive them away, or they just won't accept that so you offer a parsed, condensed, skipping important parts version because it's the first date and none of their business. Or you/they think that's going to happen so instead you, or they, will try to change the subject, or use humor as a distraction. That can be seen as an attempt to be dishonest.

And there's the problem with people conflating "honesty" with "truth."
So you get them saying something "bad," and then defending it with "just being honest."
Or they believe something to be true, but it isn't. They can still be honest, they just might wrong, it might be willful.

And there's the issue of intent and degree.
I mean there's a difference between you coming back from a physical where the doctor stood you barefoot against the wall noting you were 5ft 11 & 9/10th inches tall, then talking to a women on a dating site whose profile reads "must be at least 6 ft tall!" telling her that you're 6 ft tall, and dating a woman for a month telling her that you're actually married and have 4 kids and didn't tell her before because she didn't ask.

So asking "Honesty matter?" is vague.
Are you "really" asking:
- "Will/should honesty be rewarded?"

- "How should I judge profiles and people, what tolerance levels should I have? Should I call someone a dishonest person regardless of their pictures showing red hair but their profile says blonde? Or reads athletic body type but pictures show BBW/BHM? Or reserve judgment until I can determine that when they tell me they care about me I know they actually care? Information nugget at a time? Or broad picture?"

- "How honest should I be? How forthcoming or how much information about my life, my flaws, my problems, my personality, whatever, should I put in my profile/emails/discussions with people? To what degree exactly and specifically is it going to matter if I put my best foot forward in my profile and early interaction vs. just putting everything out there all at once?"


Or is this just an English as a secondary language thing and what you're really asking is "I'm not like the other guys. I'm looking for a real relationship, not just sex, honestly, no one's responding to my emails, I'll just billboard onto the forums and hope one of the (I think look at these) millions emails me. Could someone email me?"


No one wants to be fake.
They want an alternative something to be true.
Look at the advice for people lacking confidence or social skills or getting over a heart break.
A vast majority of the advice for those people amounts to "just fake it until you make it!"

...Kinda depends on how the world was ending.

I mean if the world was coming to an end by people randomly loosing their bowels explosively whenever they touch another person, and after they explode they run around biting people and punching them in the testicles, then no...I'm not coming over.

If you're talking about a giant meteor headed towards earth and "come over" meant "guaranteed great sex and I'm in a convenient location for you," then, sure, I'd probably come over, for a little bit. But then I'm heading off to get a bunch of pizza, soda, and heroin....and guns just in case the junk punching crap zombies become a thing.

Not sure.
I've never been friends with someone, then started sleeping with them, then stopped, in order to compare and determine a preference.

Outside of that, each relationship is different.
I mean I have friends I've known since I was in grade school.
I have friends I have never seen outside of work.
Some friends I'd lend money. Others I wouldn't.
Some I'd happily help move, others I'd avoid helping them move.
Some know things about me I'd never tell others.

"Friend" is too wide of a brush.

Other than that, if you're asking the question about online dating, perusing random strangers on the internet, predefining the relationship and boundaries, then you're ultimately just trying to put a watered down name ("friends," or, "friends with benefits") on what is ultimately just "using people."

....Do you see marriage as something that can happen to you, at any time, without any real choice in the matter?

Otherwise, I can't tell if maybe you're telling "someone" that suicide is the right idea for them?
'Cuz it's kinda like saying:
"Someone: Why haven't you chosen to marry someone?"
"Me: For same reason you're not dead yet! It's not time to make that choice!"

I wonder what you have to experience to equate the inevitability of death to marriage.
There could be some overlap with the whole arranged marriage that's possibly legally enforced or something.
But saying "it's not my time" implies compulsory marriage isn't really the situation.


Most children hate parental/familial pressure.
"Eat your vegetables!"
"Go to your room!"
"Go to school!"
"Brush your teeth!"
"Stop hitting your brother!"
"Flush the toilet!"
"Don't put that in your mouth!"

So...does that mean you're ultimately responsible for any failures or losses, play miscommunication, lack of team cohesion, etc.?

1. with a dictionary or google search, otherwise context.

2. with a dictionary or google search, otherwise context.

3. with a dictionary or google search, otherwise context.

The vast majority of times I've ever heard any of them used were as buzzwords for virtue signaling.

Of the times I've read/heard them in anything scholarly or meaningful the word "equity" instead of "justice" was more apropos.

With the question worded like this...why as a man wouldn't you owe them something to have sex with them?

Other than that it's a bad question.

Partly for this reason:

Is that your perspective on what you think they're doing?
Or are they handing out a contract clearly stipulating that there is something "owed" delineating what that is (emotional, tangible)?

What is the "real" question here:

1. Why am I interpreting a woman's behavior, words, communication, as their asking me for something specifically in return for sex (rather than for something else, sex is just the part I am most focused on so am association sex with it)?
1a. Why am I interpreting a desire for communication and feedback as a cost?

2. Why do I feel guilt, pressure, stress, a need to give a woman something in return for having sex with me?

3. Why is it the (only?) women I am having sex with directly and immediately ask me for something in return for having sex with them?


You don't provide any useful information, limiting or defining conditions for your question.

I mean there's a huge difference between:
- "all the prostitutes I pick up tell me I'm hot and sexy, but they still demand money when we're done."
and
- "why is it when I lie to women and tell them I want a relationship on the internet, we meet up, end up having sex, they call me wanting me to take them out again even though I'm not feeling it so ghosted them?"
and
- "why is it with every FWB I've had that after a couple of months of constant sex they start asking me how I feel or wanting more than just FWB or refuse to go halfsies on the hotel room?"
and
- "why is it with every woman I choose to date, I show off my wealth, talk about taking care of them, we have sex and I try to disappear, they come back asking me to help them with rent?"
and so many more.

For all I know you date the same type of woman.

For all I know you only go after women "out of your league", or of a certain personality type, and none of them will ever see you as anything other than a means to a quick fix for what they want.


Is your "real" question something more like "why can't women just STFU, enjoy sex, subjugate themselves to what I want, communicate how I want them to communicate (in ways I understand), compartmentalize sex, just take that which I want to give them and only that, value things the same way I value them (sex is pleasure. I get pleasure, they get pleasure, so to me it's even exchange), and enjoy the moment without any thought or emotional continuance outside of it?"

Or more succinctly "What can't I just get what I want when I want it how I want it without any more risk, cost, or consequence than I want, and they accept, grant, and guarantee that?"


A lot of people say this. They play lip service. IMO at least.
IME a lot of people that say this actually mean "I conflate avoiding conflict, or escalating conflict, hiding behind a social facade for convenience, as respect."

IMO if the preceding quoted portion were true, this thread would probably not exist, as the women that contributed to the question being raised would have been asked directly.


Your question isn't really clear. What's the "real" question?
And what exactly are your experiences which shaped it?

Depends on too many things.

I mean are we talking about coworkers?
Are we talking about a foreigner traveling to a different country and getting lost?
Are we talking about two people sitting on the bus for a 10 minute ride?
Are we talking about 2 world/corporate/social leaders trying to set policy?
Are we talking about protestors?
Are we talking about 2 random people on the internet interacting via forums?

Why are they interacting?
What's the point of the interaction?
What are realistic consequences of the interaction?

You ask what I would do in such a situation.
But which person am I in this situation?
Am I the one that finds their cultural values offensive?
Or do they find my cultural values offensive?

What cultural values are we talking about?
Am I offended because they smell bad because in their culture bathing is only done once a week?
Am I offended because they're spouting that all of some sub group must die and they're showing me a bomb planning on doing something?


What I would do depends on more situational information than "one of you feels offended to some unknown degree for some reason."

It should be the easiest thing in the world. Humans are biologically developed for it.

What makes any task difficult is:
1. Lack of preparedness.
2. Lack of abilities/tools.
3. Unrealistic expectations (which includes self deception).
4. Antithetical training.


What have you done to prepare your life/personality to accept the "right one?"
Do you know how to identify the "right one?" Or are you waiting for your feelings to tell you that you've found them? Do you have experience seeing how others (especially family members you've spent a long time with) found their "right one" and what that means? Will you/your ego/your personality/your life accept this change? What struggles do you expect and can you identify them? Do you knee jerk react emotionally?

2. What abilities/tools do you have that will facilitate a relationship with the "right one" that is compatible with theirs?
This is highly dependent upon what type of relationship you "really" want with the "right one."
People get into the relationships they want and/or they're capable of having.
A lot of people "say" they want a "long term relationship."
But when you talk to them, learn their history, they don't. They want a convenient relationship. And that's what their history is telling them. But they don't want to see it. It's a big rationalizing game to avoid having to look at themselves and what they're doing.

3. You may have an idea of what the "right one" is...but what do you have that communicates to the "right one" (in a way that they understand) that you are their "right one?" You want something from them, you want them to be something, you value these things in them. They may not value the same things in you or have other things they value as well.
Or IOW you want them to bring "something to the table" (whatever makes them the "right one"). From their perspective, not yours, what do you bring to the table? Or do you believe the "right one" will have to (only?) value the exact same things about you that you do about yourself?

4. What experience do you have in maintaining relationships?
I mean when you're a teenager dating a teenager you're both learning how together.
When you're 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, you're bringing what you've learned from all your relationships to the new one. Baggage.
Have most of your relationships been short? You've been trained in short term relationships. How about your "right one?" What will their history be like?
Do you have a close relationship with your parents? Or at 18 did you/your parents decide the benefit was over so you/they decided you should go away and just come back on holidays to maintain the idea of a relationship without any real effort, just riding on past memories?
Stable long term friendships where boundaries were always maintained?
Do you keep in touch with old teachers telling them how they affected your life?
Do you "hide in your shell" until someone "gets to know you?"


Finding the "right one" increases in difficulty when you're primarily responding to emotional impulses.
It becomes easier the more honest and realistic you are with yourself, what you're looking for, why you're looking for it, how and what you're going to do about it, with time spent specifically "working" on things that facilitate these things.

A lot of people have the "plenty of fish in the sea!" mentality.
Which is a bad mentality.
They approach it as "I'm just going to pop into the local fishing hole, drop this awesome bait which is just average stuff I found in the fridge, and keep pulling out fish until I find the right one. It's a numbers game, gotta kiss alotta frogs, hehe."
Then they cry and complain that they aren't easily pulling out those record breaking trophy bass or marlin like professional anglers.
And just because I can't help it, to take the analogy further, whine and cry that the mounted trophy fish purchased on the internet isn't providing the proper emotional fulfillment as catching one, and that the sellers are lying about their product in order to get you to buy.


Other than that, you have the power to make your task easier or harder.
Starts with your perspective and commitment.

Good luck with that!