You completely do not understand what it's like to live with 3 disorders. Maybe one is manageable or treatable. With 3 it is much more difficult. And borderline is actually inherited. I was in therapy, only a different kind, and it was helpful. It's the kind I plan to go into to help Borderlines. But do not assume you know how to treat my conditions or that it is easy for me. You do not know.

thank you for your comment AngelLight

Yeah, I have SAD, dysthymia depression, and Borderline Personality Disorder. I inherited the Borderline from my biological mother whom I've never met. The SAD came from being in the wonderful state I'm in (literally). The depression most likely came from my experiences, having to grow up faster than most kids. It is EXTREMELY hard to find happiness or good in anything when you suffer continously because of life's circumstances and because of your own self destruction. But I do plan to become a therapist and make something of myself and help others like me. I am not doomed in this darkness. Btw, I am quite humorous and can have fun

To moonlight_ride62: I think you have some issues to work out still. You posted earlier you think you're normal, but if you think anorexia and bulimia make you look good and that they are good, then I think you have some serious problems. Anorexia and bulimia are extreme disorders/diseases that become addictions to the point where many of those who suffer with them die. You seem pro-anorexia/bulimia and that scares me as well as bothers me for this thread. This is not a thread about being pro-self-destruction. This is about recovery and healing and knowing you have a problem, but knowing you can get through it. I would never wish for anyone to cut themselves or starve themselves or binge and purge. I understand you are entitled to your opinion, but this is not a thread to provoke self-destruction. It is one to promote awareness only and talk about recovery and help.

To the above and to Gossipmpm:

I was in therapy for 3 years, so yes, I knew there was something wrong with me, and I sought help. I am no longer in therapy, but see my psychiatrist for my medication. My therapist and I sort of broke up and I am not allowed to go back unless something changes in my life. That one thing still hasn't changed (and no it's not the self injury) so I haven't been in therapy. Plus with the economy and all it'd be impossible to pay for it (my parents have paid enough).

I am doing better and have read countless books on the subject as well as my disorders, depression, etc. My family reads several books, too, to help understand what it must be like for me. But I am doing better and am not at the stage where I technically need help anymore. It's really up to me now. I take it one day at a time.

Enjoying it? I don't know if I ever technically enjoyed cutting myself. It gave me a rush and a high for quite awhile. I'd cut, get a nice high like drugs or alcohol give you, and usually it'd help me sleep. Back when it was really bad I'd find any reason to cut. Got a bad grade on a test, cut; got into a fight with parents, cut; etc. I came up with stupid reasons, anything negative in my life in order to do it because I was at that point where I needed anything to say "my life is crap so let me hurt myself because I'm bad" sort of deal. When it wasn't so bad though I'd wait until a whole bunch of crap piled up inside me (emotionally). Take for example a knee surgery, my grandma dying, my best friend dumping me, my boyfriend raping me, etc. Then one day it would take something really stupid, like one small comment that wouldn't mean anything to most people, and "BOOM", I would silently slip away and end up cutting because it had all built up for so long. For me it was bad experiences, the crappy cards life dealt me. Read my profile really.

Thank you, btw, to franshade, TxsSun, and bastet. TxsSun, maybe this thread will help you somewhat understand what it's like for your son. You can always talk to your kids and get some reading material. Just a suggestion. To dawnyhi, thanks for the suggestion but I am past that stage really and I don't believe self injury is an issue of apathy where they don't feel emotions. I felt too many emotions. That's why I turned to cutting. I had no place to put them. And yes, cutting is the new "anorexia" these days it seems. It's quite sad, but true.

it's not an easy addiction to stop...it's just like alcohol, smoking, drugs, etc...it's an addiction...and anything that is an addiction is extremely hard to stop....true, i've gotten better than i once was (i don't cut every day or even once a week at that)... The best way to put it is that if you take a smoker and take away all of his cigarettes and make him go off smoking cold turkey do you really think he'd do it? No, he needs the nicotine. The same with an alcoholic or a drug addict. Addictions are extremely hard to stop once you get them going. If I could stop, I would. But I have an addictive personality. I know that if I tried drugs or smoking I'd be addicted. Luckily I haven't become addicted to gambling (I've been to the casino a few times). But I know I easily become addicted to things and quite frankly self injury is a big enough one for me. Yes I do know the effects it has, but I am more in control of it than I once was. It's still an addiction, one I may never be rid of.

to franshade: cutter, yes....overeater, anorexia, bulimic, no...they have their own category...self injury is just what i stated above...cutting yourself, burning yourself, pulling out your hair, breaking your bones, bruising yourself...these are things that physically hurt/damage you/usually leave marks, abrasians, bruising, etc.....anorexia, bulimia, and overeating are a whole different category in themselves...

to moonlight_ride62: self injury is where someone hurts themselves purposely like by cutting, burning, bruising, breaking bones, pulling out hair, etc. It's not a suicide attempt. It's a way to cope with the pain we feel when we feel like we have no other options. I personally have struggled with cutting and I burned myself once (that hurt too damn much). Usually the person does not feel what they are doing to themselves at the time because they are more focused on making the emotional/mental pain go away. This is where self injury can become dangerous because if the person goes too far they can kill themselves unintentionally (cutting too deep, lighting themselves on fire, breaking their neck, etc.).

Anyone suffer from this disorder? I do. I should use my light therapy in the winter, but I haven't. I find that if I spend some time outdoors in the summer it does make me feel happier, as stupid as that sounds. Anyone have the reverse kind (sad in the summer?) Let this be a place to talk about this disorder.

I've been struggling with self injury for over 7 years. I'm not free of the addiction. I don't know if I ever will be. Anyone else suffer from the same addiction? Anyone free from it? Let this be a place to discuss this topic.

I support self injury awareness because so many people don't know that it's out there and they need to. I don't want people to start doing it, but they do need to know that others are and they need to know how to help.

Depression is a disease that never seems to go away...I hate it...I have dysthymia Depression, the lowest form...as well as two other disorders...but that's my depression one...little zoloft and topomax pills...you ever wonder if the pills help? I've never gone off of them or anything, but, sometimes I just wonder...other times I notice I'm more depressed without them...depression hurts, not only yourself, but everyone around you (I know that's from the commercial, but it's true...I've lived it)...to all those who suffer I'm sorry you too have to endure it...

To my mom.

Spice Girls, "Mama"

She used to be my only enemy and never let me free,
Catching me in places that I know I shouldn't be,
Every other day I crossed the line,
I didn't mean to be so bad,
I never thought you would
Become the friend I never had

Back then I didn't know why,
Why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
all that you did was love,
Mama I love you, Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend,
My friend

I didn't want to hear it then but
I'm not ashamed to say it now,
Every little thing you said and did was right for me,
I had a lot of time to think about,
About the way I used to be,
Never had a sense of my responsibility.

Back then I didn't know why,
Why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
All that you did was love,
Mama I love you, Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend, My friend

But now I'm sure I know why,
Why you were misunderstood,
So now I see through your eyes,
All I can give you is love,
Mama I love you, Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend,
My friend

Mama I love you, Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend,
You're my friend
(Repeat to fade)

wow...you ever heard of "I Never Promised You A Rose Garden"? It's a book and a movie, both of which I have...you write like the main character in it...absolutely eloquent...

depends how recent you are looking for, but "The Boy In The Stripped Pajamas", "The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button", "Seven Pounds"...and mom and I are going to watch "Valkyrie" tonight and I also think the cute cartoon "UP" looks good....hope this helps?

this is written by a truly talented writer....deep, poignant, touching...i am completely in awe...

very different style of writing that I haven't really seen in awhile (mind you I haven't checked out very many people's poetry yet on here)....but I really like how you make your words move...truly epic...

real to life...very well written

thank you Meg and Gossipmpm

Been there, done that in several ways....I know that my mom isn't going to accept whoever I want to be with, whoever that may be. She only wants me to be with someone she chooses for me, someone she thinks is "good enough for me". I honestly don't care. If I love someone and want to marry them then that's up to me, not her. I've already made it very clear that if she does not attend my wedding then she is no longer a part of my life, but that is her decision. I know my dad would support whoever it was because that's just who he is. I would be very surprised if my mom did show up at my wedding quite frankly.

thank you to Diamond4ever and Imbroglio