evian001 okie.... odd to post to this thread considering it's a poem about abuse/rape, but thank u nonetheless

ty redhead

Sunset, then darkness.
The doors close
To each home,
For every fate.

Strangled by screams,
Unmerciful words
That won't be forgiven
Until morning.

Crawl into bed with him,
Hollow and cold.
Pretend you love him
When he holds you close.

And when he chooses
To tear you apart;
Just lie there quiet,
Don't even shout.

If he knew the place
I go
When he takes me,
Body and soul.
Would he see
The tears I cry?
Would he see
The blood he hides?

The walls are my only friends,
Keeping secrets only I know.
When I lose my mind
They let me go.

When he finally sleeps
I come back from
My world.
Slowly, unsteady,
And still unheard.

The walls whisper
Their truths to me.
Flashbacks haunt me
In my dreams.

When morning comes
I cover up the scene,
Like nothing happened,
As if it was all a bad dream.

The doors open into the world.
Neighbors smile,
But I can barely see
Through this cloud of gray,
This darkness that lives within me.

He's about to head out the door,
Ready for work like every day before.

But today, for the very first time,
He actually takes a look into my eyes.
But he refuses to accept the truth,
So he looks away and nods goodbye.
He can't see me.
No, it's all a lie.

I give you kudos for losing weight and all, but I wanna give you a different side of the story. Being overweight may be unhealthy (I know because I've been overweight my entire life and have been bullied, picked on, and even hounded about it by family members), but what happens when there is nothing you can do about being overweight? You can work out, do whatever it sounds like to lose some weight. I've had 8 knee surgeries and physically cannot do anything to lose weight. I've spent half of my life off my feet, on crutches, in physical therapy, learning how to re-walk. I can walk and that's the only kind of exercise besides swimming I can do. Going up and down stairs makes my knee cap move as well as breaks up scar tissue. Everytime I get up from a chair my knee cracks and sounds like a baseball hitting a home run. I haven't been able to kneel for over 10 years now. I can't be on top during sex. I've loved food ever since I was a kid, was born to be overweight, but wouldn't have been had I been able to continue playing sports before my knees got bad. But that was taken from me, as was any physical possibility of exercise. This is not negative thinking here--it's a reality I have to live with every single day. I ask you how do you lose weight when any kind of exercise is impossible, makes your knees hurt, crack, dislocate, etc.? I've been told by my knee surgeon that losing weight would help my knees but it's a viscious cycle for me because to exercise I need "normal" knees, something I will never have. I may have partial replacements now in both knees, but my knees will never be good enough to go out and lose weight. Again, this is my reality, and I ask how do you deal with it? I have just accepted who I am and that there isn't anything I can do. I can walk and swim. That's it. For me it's a harsher reality. For you, you are lucky.

depends honestly....if I could never have the love of my life if I took the money then I'd choose the love of my life, but if the love of my life was going to die soon after I picked him/her or if they were going to treat me badly or anything like that then I'd probably take the money....

It's the nature/nurture debate. We are all born to be certain people (biological aspects) and some of us are more likely to trust while others are not (like some were born with physical or mental disorders, problems, etc. and others were not). And nurture comes into play, the way we were taught to trust other people by those around us as we grew. Not only this, but environmental factors (such as friends, enemies, peers, co-workers, etc.) we encounter throughout our lives teach us if we should trust or not. Some people are born with mental illnesses that pull them back from trusting and then they encounter horrible people throughout their lives (maybe they are bullied as a child, physically abused by parents, beaten by their spouse, etc.) and so this too adds to not trusting people. Others are born stable mentally and physically and have a great family, great friends, maybe encounter a few betrayals but don't let those betrayals get to them, so they keep plowing away at trusting others. And yet others are born with severe physical problems that make them lean on others (trust) and sometimes their trust is broken by medical personnel or family members and they, too, don't know who to trust. What about those who are bounced from foster home to foster home and don't know where they belong? Who do they trust? I believe it comes from experiences and genetics. Everyone is different.

depends on the guy....unfortunately doesn't matter the size, most guys just want sex no matter what your figure...it sux.... good luck

today an 8

I did come back, holding my head high. I am not letting people get to me , but I am also no longer posting to this thread.

Yes. Everyone has fears, even about the greatest things.

have

Ty Pennington

Shanghai Breezes

icing

Cadillac *vroom*

i've made more enemies than friends thanks to this damn post....i think that's y i left diary sites a long time ago cuz everyone's a freakin' asshole these days... BTW, i'm more adult than any of you people on here. I live in an 80 year old body and been through more than any of you will ever experience, and quite frankly it's people like you that make me hate this f*cking world.

I am ne thing but closed minded lady....you don't even know me....

Maybe if you all knew what I was even asking you'd actually understand. I wasn't asking you to give up your recent family for something new. I was asking you to consider the fact that what if there was more than one person out there for you. I have been hurt more than any of you could possibly imagine and it was just a topic I threw out there, hoping to get people to open their minds to the "what ifs?" It wasn't an easy question, no. It deserved thought. But it also deserved an open-minded answer instead of, "well my soulmate would be the man I'm with" or "why would I even consider leaving my family" or "wouldn't that be cheating"? Can't you think outside the box for one single moment? Yes, you'll get hurt. Yes, we've all been hurt. But what if all of that hurt were worth it in the end? And then again, what if it wasn't? I was just trying to get opinions on a topic without trying to make it shallow. That's all.

It was just a question that obviously too many people cannot be open minded to