man: so, how do you like your eggs in the morning?
woman: unfertilized!

I actually got this response once.

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but i bet i can make your bedrock.

Girl your special, you can have anything on the dollar menu.

man:excuse me miss, can you help me find my lost dog?
woman:sure
man: ok, i think he went into that cheap motel room over there.

yeah, now it's just a place for alcoholics and drug dealers to hang out and catch charges. I quit going years ago.

I'm trying to find some females from the Crestline, Galion , Bucyrus area, that want to hang out and have some fun. Just need need some new female friends, I'm NOT trying to find a one night stand or anything like that. so... there it is. hit me up.

A guy walks into a bar, and sees a jar of 100 dollar bills sitting on the counter and asks the bar keep, "whats that about"? the bar tender tells him he can win the whole jar if he completes a couple of tasks, so the patron asks, what the tasks are. The bartender proceeds to tell him that first he has to deposit a 100 dollar bill into the jar, then he has to go outside, where there is the meanest, most miserable pitbull with a bad tooth and he has to pull the dogs tooth out. the patron says "is that all"?. the bartender tells him no, he also has to go upstairs where there is a 400lb virgin and he has to have sex with her, the patron decides not to do it and just orders a drink. about 3 hours and ten drinks later the man decides he is going to win all that money, so he puts in his 100 dollar bill, and goes outside. A few moments later everyone in the bar hears the dog yelping really,really loud. the man stumbles back into the bar, and says" now wheres the B**ch with the toothache"?

thats awesome!

let me tell you just how high i am
and explain in detail what kinda guy i am
I'm red eyed fried my man
and living off pride, I Am
I may have died on the inside, but not my plan
i need revived on the inside, and i strive on the inside
to feel alive, survive this bent ride and stand
even though everyone says i can't
That's why i literally, just smoked that plant
can't even remember when i began to be this man
I paid the cost of losing my Fam
The coin was tossed and i dam sure lost again
And my hearts began to frost again
Because of previous thoughts of sin
These damn drugs have been
The downfall of real good men
I’m back at a place I’ve already been
I’m looking at a face, of an old friend
This is the Joe, I used to know way back when
He was supposed to go, never to return again
But this hole, I’m trying to fill it in
And it’s got my whole world bent
An ounce of peace, would be heaven sent
But it seems to me, my pain is irrelevant
And it seems to be, I relapsed just for the hell of it
My personality, has just been split
Cause half of me, just don’t give a s**t
the other half is regretting it
And I’m betting if
I begin to give a s**t
My heart won’t be able to handle it
It’s completely scandalous
I can’t believe, I can’t handle this
I used to be, a man that’s missed
Used to be a fan of bliss
Now I snort pills, and smoke cannabis
(unfinished)

I have no use for people like you
your words are evil
and your hearts un-true

Never again
will i intend to end a friend
and never again
will i let a friendship bend

never again will i be a friend
to friendless men

and never again
will i let friendless men
furnish sin
that feeds my addiction

don't let pride
decide
the fate of your life
there's 8 of you guys
and i like playin with knives
the first to swing,
is the first that dies
I made blood emerge from his eyes
don't try to back track
you've already chosen sides
and your betrayal
is impossible to hide

kinda reminds me of the rapture, the part where a man comes forward with promises of world peace, but is actually the anti-christ. If Obama starts talking about one world currency, or starts wiping out people that stand in his way, I am going get ready to meet god. lol

I only have 9, but regret getting them.

that is funny as hell!

peom by: Tupac Shakur

Sometimes when I'm alone
I Cry,
Cause I am on my own.
The tears I cry are bitter and warm.
They flow with life but take no form
I Cry because my heart is torn.
I find it difficult to carry on.
If I had an ear to confide in,
I would cry among my treasured friend,
but who do you know that stops that long,
to help another carry on.
The world moves fast and it would rather pass by.
Then to stop and see what makes one cry,
so painful and sad.
And sometimes...
I Cry
and no one cares about why.

poem by: Tupac Shakur

In The Event of My Demise
when my heart can beat no more
I hope i die for a principle
or a belief that i had lived for
I will die before my time
because i feel the shadow's depth
so much i wanted to accomplish
before i reached my death
I have come to grips with the possibility
and wiped the last tear from my eyes
i loved all who were positive
in the event of my demise

what do you do
when the pressure is on you
do you get, or get got
do you shoot or get shot
live and let rot

i let you be
i set you free
i left you three

i gave up what was mine
and left your a** behind

i gave you all i had
yet im still a worthless dad
you know i hurt this bad

i didn't do it for you
i didn't do it for me
i did it for three
I'm not happy
and I don't care
life ain't fair
and i don't care

just know, i wish you well
with the stories of bliss i tell
stories of blissless hell

here's my heart,
as severance pay
eat it up,
and have a pleasent day

once again, that really hits close to home. have you been talkin to my ex?lol

Eminem, Exhibit x, Don't approach me

I'm far from a perfect man
and this is far from a perfect world
even though i've loved a few females
they were far from the perfect girl
i've made a few choices
that were far from perfect
if i found a scam that worked
then i worked it
then i found my lonely heart
and i knew i had to search it
I found pain, hate, sadness, and anger
now this young man
is an unstable danger
even to the closest of kin,
he's a total stranger
and now he's exhibiting, strange behavior

It's time to blind
the tresspassing eyes
of a passer by
that yells "crash and die"
then they laugh and sigh
until i black their eye
who the f**k am I?
you act like i never snuck a guy
or stuck a guy
if he'd ever try
to start a fight
I'd start it right
with a soft left
and a harder right
knuckles all swollen
it;s hard to write
too broke, to book a flight
so there's no light in sight
but all my friend's say what i write is tight
i need silence
so i write at night
i write so much,
it's become my life
and it's begun to run my life

my life is a tradgedy
when i look around, it's sad to see
i can't bring myself to live happily
or even realize whats happening
so i walk around screaming "whats crappening"?
and lay down dreamin of my family
when i wake i get so baked i can barely see
i find a cure for the cotties
and a bite to eat
play playstation and fight the sleep
i try to fight my addiction,
but it's got me beat