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Community > Posts By > harrypotter2
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Can suck the stone out of a peach without having to cut into it.
  
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Topic:
Take the 2nd letter - part 4
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Cyclops
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Topic:
Is Your Daddy Home?
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Topic:
Sex Insurance
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Topic:
Anal Glaucoma
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Topic:
Drunk Needs a Push.
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Topic:
Bigger Boobs
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Topic:
Little Johnny Strikes Again.
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Topic:
A Broken Scrotum.
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The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. "Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom. "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum !!!  
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Topic:
Poor Old Fred
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LMAO
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A nun was in a convent across from a construction site, and heard the men cursing everyday. She vowed that she would confront the men. The next day she was walking past the construction site after visiting the shops for some food. Upon hearing the men curse she picked the biggest and meanest looking man and asked him, "Excuse me Sir, Do you know Jesus Christ?" The man stunned for a moment looked up at the building under contruction and yelled, "Hey Ralph! Do you know Jesus Christ?" The man on the roof yelled back "Why do you ask?" The other man replies, "His wife's here with his lunch. "
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Dinner
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Topic:
Chinese Wedding
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Topic:
The Paper Bag
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A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks "What's in the bag?" The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about 9'' high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches back into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano. The little man sits down at the piano, and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart! "Where on earth did you get that?" says the bartender. The man responds by reaching into the paper bag once again. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: "Here. rub it." So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a billow of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. "I will grant you one wish... Just one wish... each person is only allowed only one!" The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, "I want a million bucks!" A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming! The bartender turns to the man and says, "Ya know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks." "No ****!!" says the man, "Do you really think I asked for a 9 inch pianist?"
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Topic:
The Ocean View Restaurant
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Topic:
MY Little Johnny Offerings
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