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Community > Posts By > harrypotter2
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Have you ever played practical jokes on anyone for any particular reason? When I was in the army many years ago, we had a collegue who was not able to get a girlfriend. Being stationed overseas, and not really conversant in the language, he was one of those hot blooded young guys who decided on buying himself one of those 'Blow up dolls' 
Which he left on his bed. Very lifelike and popular in the mid to late 70s Every Friday evening, he was prone to go into the base club and inevitably ended up getting smashed out of his head on the cheap duty free booze.He would return in the early hours. He would stagger into the room, throw his clothes in a heap on the floor, shout 'Geronimo baby' and then take a dive onto his doll. Thus satisfying himself, but irritating the crap out of us other guys with his moaning and shouting. One Friday evening when we had had enough of this routine, we waited until he went out leaving his 'Girlfriend' on the bed. We kidnapped her and then filled her up with fake blood. And waited his return with anticipation. 
Some hours later, we heard him staggering along the corridor outside the room. Promising his baby doll all sorts of pleasure. As usual when he came into the dark room, he discarded his clothes on the floor and took a flying leap towards his doll. BANG!!!! The doll exploded His bed AND him were covered in the fake blood and his deflated doll was now just a burst piece of rubber on his bead. In his drunken state, he thought that he had killed her. We just lay in our beds stifling our laughter. STRANGE, But after that night, he never drank again.  
That's nasty, bitter, twisted, childish and irresponsible. I LOVE it. 
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Edited by
harrypotter2
on
Wed 11/11/09 01:09 PM
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British war dead, World War 1: About 880,000 men from the United Kingdom, plus a further 200,000 from other countries in the British Empire and Commonwealth. 
United States Casualties in World War 1 Mobilized forces 4,734,991 Killed or died1 116,516 Wounded 204,002 Prisoners or missing � Total casualties 320,518 
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Topic:
ALWAYS WEAR CLEAN UNDERWEAR
Edited by
harrypotter2
on
Wed 11/11/09 04:59 AM
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Had to post twice as I'm still laughing. lol |
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Topic:
ALWAYS WEAR CLEAN UNDERWEAR
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Topic:
Redneck Nativity Scene
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Topic:
'Rectal Feeding.'
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Topic:
As Christmas approaches
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Here are a few things you can get away with saying ONLY at Christmas. 1. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. 2. Smother the butter all over the breasts! 3. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst! 4. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it? 5. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go. 6. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once? 7. I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time! 8. You still have a little bit on your chin. 9. You'll know it's ready when it pops up. 10. I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning.
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Topic:
Soiled Bed Sheets!
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This should make you smile and one for the Nurses & Security Guards as well!! An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets and threw them out of the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, 'What the heck is going on here?' The drunk, still staring down at the bed sheets in amazement, replied: 'I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost.'
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Topic:
Resume Don'ts
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Topic:
Unintended consequences
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Topic:
A woman will give you...
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Topic:
Headache
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A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache." "Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it either orally or as a suppository, The choice is yours!"
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Topic:
A few Tips on First Time Sex
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OMFG My sides are still aching
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Topic:
Chinese New Year
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Topic:
A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM
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'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook. Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry. Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself. The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Shoved a broom up his butt, clean up to the hilt. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer. With a fat little driver, half out of his sled, A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head. Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite. And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right. Whoa Shi thead, whoa A$$hole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts. Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee. They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub. And then from the roof we heard such a clatter, As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder. I was donning my jacket to cover my butt, When down the chimney Santa came with a crash. His suit was all smelly with perfume galore, He looked like a bum and he smelled like a who re. That was some brothel, he said with a smile, The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay here awhile. He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink, Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink. I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee, The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee. Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed. The first thing he found was a pair of false ti ts, The next was a handgun with a penis that spits. A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, And a six pair of panties, the edible kind. A bra without nipples, a penis extension, And several other things that I shouldn't even mention. A dong ring, a G-string, and all types of oil, A dildo so long, it lay in a coil. This suff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shi t, So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split. He filled every stocking and then took his leave, With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve. He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, Thus he fell on his a$$ and broke wind instead. In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch, Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bi tch! The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!
Love it.
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Or any other financial capital for that matter. Do you think I have a warped sense of humour?
OK. You have to travel by subway to the financial centre of ANY major city around the world.. 1. Make sure you are in a compartment which is packed with financiers. 2. Set the alarm on your cell phone to your 'Ring' tone. 3. Set it for 15 minutes into your journey on the subway when you are sure that you won't be at the central financial area for at least 30 minutes. When you are nice and comfortable and the alarm goes off, all the financiers will look at you wondering why you have a signal 100ft plus below ground, and will start checking their cell phones. Now you have their attention, say, "Oh hi. How are you?" Then. in a LOUD voice, say, IT'S GONE UP HOW MUCH?" SELL SELL SELL For Godsakes Get rid of it!" Now surrepticiously turn yourself away from the others and say, Still only loud enough for those around you to hear, "For Godsakes keep this quiet, Don't mention it to anyone else, but just make sure you unload that stock!" 4. Put your cell away and start mopping your forehead with your handkerchief, and keep lookinhg at your watch until you arrive at the financial district. 5. Ensure you don't travel on the same route for at least 6 months.
Love it.
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Topic:
THE BEER PRAYER
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Our Lager, which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink Thy will be drunk (I will be drunk) At home, as in the tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages As those who spill against us. And lead us not into incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers For thine is the beer, The bitters and the lagers For ever and ever Barmen.
I'll drink to that.
Cheers 
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