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| Topic: MY Little Johnny Offerings | |
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Feel free to add.
Little Johnny arrives home to find his mother and father having sex. “Whatcha doin’ Dad?” “We’re playing Crib, and your mother’s my partner. Get downstairs.” Little Johnny goes downstairs to the living-room to find his sister and boyfriend on the sofa deeply engrossed in sexual intercourse. “Whatcha doin’ Sis’?” “We’re playing crib, and my boyfriend’s my partner. Get outside. Little Johnny goes out to the garden shed, where he finds his Grandfather masturbating. “Whatcha doin’ Grandpa?” “I’m playing crib.” Replies Grandpa. “Where’s your partner?” His grandfather replies, “When you’ve got a good hand, you don’t need a partner!” Little Johnny walks into the local brothel towing a dead frog on a piece of string behind him. He walks up to the madam behind the counter and says, “I want a girl.” The madam looks down at Little Johnny and says, “This isn’t a place where you should be! Off home with you.” Little Johnny reaches into his right trousers pocket, takes out a $50 bill, and places it on the counter in front of the woman and says. “I want a girl.” The madam snatches up the note, sticks it down the front of her dress between her ample bosoms and says to Little Johnny, “Up the stairs, 1st floor, 2nd room on the left.” Little Johnny sets off up the stairs, towing the dead frog on its’ piece of string behind him, Thud Thud Thud. Half way up the stairs, Little Johnny stops, turns around and says to the woman, “One other thing. This girl must have Active Herpes!” The madam cries out, “All my girls are clean. They are inspected once a month for such things!” Little Johnny returns to the counter, reaches into his right trousers pocket, produces a $100 bill and hands it to the woman, who snatches it up, and once again, it disappears between her ample breasts. “3rd floor, 4th room on the right.” Once again, Little Johnny sets off up the stairs towing the dead frog on its’ piece of string behind him. Thud, Thud, Thud. About two hours later, Little Johnny returns down the stairs towing the dead frog on its’ piece of string, Thud Thud Thud. He is walking through the door when the madam calls him back and says to him, “I can understand you coming here looking for a girl, but why the Active Herpes?” “Well,” says Little Johnny, "when I get home, my baby sitter will be there waiting to look after me tonight because tonight is when my parents go to Bridge Club, and because she never says anything to mummy or daddy when I misbehave. I let her practice on me for when her boyfriend and her want to try out something new. So, if I let her have sex with me, she’ll catch Active Herpes. At about midnight, mummy and daddy will come home. My daddy will take the babysitter home, give her $25, have sex with her in the back of the car, and then daddy will catch Active Herpes. Then, he’ll drive home, drink a brandy, go to bed with mummy, have sex with her, and mommy will catch Active Herpes. Then the postman will come round. He’ll have a cup of tea, have sex with my mommy. And then he’ll catch Active Herpes.” “And he’s the bastard who ran over my frog!!!” Little Johnny is playing in the street with a bottle. The local vicar, walking by, sees him, and says, “What have you got in the bottle, Johnny?” Johnny replies, “Acid.” “You can’t play with that!, That’s Dangerous stuff!” Little Johnny retorts. “Don’t tell you how to play with Holy Water do I?” The vicar says, “Holy Water and Acid are two completely different things. For example; On Sunday, I sprinkled Holy Water on a woman’s’ belly, and the next day, she passed a baby.” “That’s nothing" replied Little Johnny. Last night I sprinkled Acid on my dogs nuts, and thirty seconds later he passed a Ferrari!” Little Johnny comes into the kitchen, and says to his mother, “Mommy, why has daddy got two willies?” His mother laughs, wipes her hands on her apron, and laughs, “He only has one.” Little Johnny is adamant. “No! he’s got two. He’s got a short thin one that he goes wee wee with, and a long thick one he uses to clean the maids’ teeth with." Little Johnny comes home to find his mother in the bath. “What’s that?” He says, pointing between his mothers’ legs. “Oh, that’s where daddy hit me with the axe.” “Oh, right in the c..t, eh?” An old man is sitting in his rocking chair on his porch when Little Johnny walks by carrying a roll of chicken wire under his arm. “Where are you going with the chicken wire, sonny?” Asked the old man. “Gonna get me some chickens,” replied Little Johnny. The old man just smiled and thought “Oh yeah, OK.” A couple of hours later, Little Johnny returns with a cage, made out of chicken wire with two chickens inside. The old man sees them and his mouth drops open in surprise. A couple of days later, the old man is once again sitting on his porch when Little Johnny walks by, carrying a box. “Whatcha got in the box Johnny? “I got me some Duct tape,” replies Little Johnny. “What you gonna do with the Duct tape?” “Gonna get me some ducks.” “I’ll believe that when I see it.” Says the old man. A couple of hours later, Little Johnny returns, with a box, sealed, and the sound of quacking ducks coming from within. Another couple of days pass, and once again the old man is sitting in his rocking chair on his porch, when Little Johnny walks by carrying some tree branches. “Whatcha got there today sonny,” asks the old man. “Püssy Willow.” Replies Little Johnny. The old man stands up and says, “Hang on a minute, I’ll get my coat.   
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LOL hilarious. got anymore?
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Wan more!!
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Two baby strollers are outside the local supermarket.
A little boy in one, and in the other one, a little girl. After several minutes, the little boy sits up and says, “Hello, my name’s Johnny, What’s yours?” I’m called Lucy.” Replies the little girl. “Is your mommy shopping too?” asks Johnny. “Yes. And she’s been gone for ages.” Several more minutes pass, and once again Johnny sits up and says, “Lucy, do you know what I’m going to do.’ “I’m going to climb out of my stroller, scale down the side onto the wheel, clamber up the side of your stroller, and then I’m going to get right inside your diaper.” “Oooh, Johnny, Why do you want to do that?” Asks Lucy. “’Cos’ mine’s full of sh it!”
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