> An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
> He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.
> After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you
> wanna hear a blonde joke?'
>
> The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice,
> the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it
> is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

> 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

> 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

> 3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

> 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional
weightlifter.

> 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional
wrestler.

> 'Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
>
> The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,
> 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
>

GOOD ONE FRAN

A man is looking in the classified ads for a job. He notices an advertisement for a toothbrush salesman and figures that that couldn't be such a bad job.

So, he calls in, he goes in and they hire him.

The next day, he heads out to a neighborhood to make some sales.

Five hours later he comes home and says, "Man, I only sold one toothbrush. That's not enough."

So the next day he goes to a richer neighborhood, thinking maybe those people would buy more toothbrushes.

He ends up selling two toothbrushes.

So he goes to his boss for advice and his boss says, "Look, you're a great guy and all, but you gotta come up with a gimmick or something."

So, the salesman thinks about it and, later that night, he finally comes up with one.

So the next day, he sets up a booth near the subway with a sign that says "Free chips and dip."

A guy walks over and puts the chip in the dip and says, "This tastes like sh*t."

The salesman replies, "Yeah, I know. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands' performances as lovers.

The first woman says, "My husband is a florist. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that."

The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kinda like that."

The third woman just shakes her head and says, "My husband works for Microsoft. He sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."

B>S every body else sells them with the puter, hp use to but got cheaper

system restore on H_P only works sometimes, most of the time NOT!! you need the recovery disks!!!

that is why i donated my hp many years ago to charity and bought a gateway, same **** had to pay for crap that should not cost you!! now all i have that is H_P is a printer after it pukes no more hp, they suck big time!!!

i would have this one!!

god bless america!!

I JUST PAID 96.00 FOR THAT TYPE OF PROBLEM!!!

Today the world was stunned by the news of the death of the Energizer Bunny.

He was six years old. Authorities believe that the death occurred approximately 8:42 PM last evening.

Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going, and going and going, "Pinkie" as he was known to his friends and family was alone at the time of his death.

An emergency autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief Medical Examiner, Dora Cell, concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation.

Apparently, someone had put the bunny's batteries in backwards and he kept coming, and coming, and coming...

The owner of a golf course in West Virginia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his Administrative Assistant for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the West Virginia University and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

She thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

Two sailors on shore leave, walking down the street, spot a beautiful blonde.

The first sailor asks his friend, "Have you ever slept with a blonde?"

The second sailor replies that he has.

They walk on further and see an even more beautiful brunette.

First sailor, "Have you ever slept with a brunette?"

Second sailor, "Why, yes, in fact I've slept with brunettes on many occasions."

They walk on a little further, and see a gorgeous redhead, who leaves the other two girls for dead.

First sailor, "Have you ever slept with a redhead?"

His companion looks at him and replies, "Not a wink!"

Mrs. Jones frantically called her doctor, Dr. Smith, and asked, "Doctor, did I happen to leave my expensive silk panties in your examining room when I was there earlier today?"

Dr. Smith replied, "No. We found no silk panties here."

Mrs. Jones answered, "O.K., I must have left them at the dentist's

TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAY
AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW
DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL.

THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS
TO HER MANAGER, 'GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN
INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M
NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE
DIFFERENCE.'

THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD
MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.

AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, 'YOU
KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!'

'DEAD?' SAYS HIS FRIEND, 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?'

'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE
TIME I WAS LOVING HER.'

HIS FRIEND SAYS, 'COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS
A WITCH.'

'A WITCH ??. . . WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?'

'WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND
I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE. THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE
WINDOW... AND SHE TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER!!!'

AN OLD MAN WAS GROCERY SHOPPING WITH HIS GRANDSON.
THE TODDLER WAS CRYING, AND AT TIMES, SCREAMING AT
THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS.


AS THE OLD GENTLEMAN WALKED UP AND DOWN THE AISLES,
PEOPLE COULD HEAR HIM SPEAKING IN A SOFT VOICE,
"WE ARE ALMOST DONE, ALBERT...TRY NOT TO CRY, ALBERT
...LIFE WILL GET BETTER, ALBERT."


AS HE APPROACHED THE CHECKOUT STAND, HE CAREFULLY
BRUSHED THE TODDLER'S TEARS FROM HI S EYES AND SAID
AGAIN, "TRY NOT TO CRY, ALBERT. WE WILL BE HOME SOON,
ALBERT."


AS HE WAS PAYING THE CASHIER, THE TODDLER CONTINUED
TO CRY AS A YOUNG WOMAN IN LINE BEHIND HIM SAID, "SIR,
I THINK IT IS WONDERFUL HOW SWEET YOU ARE BEING TO
YOUR LITTLE ALBERT."


THE OLD GENTLEMAN BLINKED HIS EYES A COUPLE OF TIMES
BEFORE SAYING, "MY GRANDSON'S NAME IS JOHN.
I'M ALBERT."

I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.

Got a call center in Pakistan.
I told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their grandkids overnight.
When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his grandson's medicine cabinet, he
asked about using one of the pills. The grandson said, "I don't think you should
take one grandpa. They're very strong and very expensive".
"How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10.00 a pill," answered the grandson. "I don't
care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the
morning, I'll put the money under the pillow."
Later the next morning, the grandson found $110.00 under the pillow. He called
Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00."
"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma."

Remember
'POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED
TO BE CHANGED OFTEN, AND FOR
THE SAME REASON'