when i was 18 you could

after reading so many of these posts i can surely understand why this country is so f*ucked up. i am trying not to be disrespectful but jesus what a crock of crap!! if you spank your kid its child abuse, mental abuse for yelling when they kicked the dog and brole his leg. get a grip America, this country is sh*t becuase we do not disapline or hold our kids OR adults accountable, i can't figure out why so many people want to come here it sucks. no dam wonder taxes are out of control, and not a single person worth a crap to vote for. and these punk kids are going to make it all better when they dont know right from wrong because you didnt want to offend them?? sure am glad i wont be here. but i am sorry for my kids who know the differance, i wonder how many grandparents and greatgrandparents have been flipping over in their graves wondering why they made so many sacrfices??? this new world makes me sick!!

bull, the law kept me from porking under age girls, a few i even cared for, if they were old enough we screwed, if not no way, that is the problem now days, no accountability, look the other way. in my day your azz went to jail, we need to go back to that and these punk kids would not be so punk!!!

Ill try harder next time, lol

If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed."

-Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress....But then I repeat myself.

-Mark Twain

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
-Winston Churchill



A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
-George Bernard Shaw

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have dinner.

-James Bovard, Civil Libertarian 1994)

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
-P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.

-Frederic Bastiat, French Economist
(1801-1850)

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

-Will Rogers


If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!
-P.J. O'Rourke


Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!

-Pericles (430 B.C.)

No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.

-Mark Twain (1866 )


Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it.
-Unknown

The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
-Ronald Reagan

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
-Winston Churchill

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

-Mark Twain

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
-Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
-Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
-Thomas Jefferson

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were
amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this, Father?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is'.

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a large old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls
and pressed a button.

The walls opened and the lady rolled between them
into a small room.

The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.

The father said quietly to his son .....
'Go get your mother.'

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Why do drivers' education classe s in Redneck schools use the car only
on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong".

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
along with... a "recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ." -A southern fairytale
begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethis****....

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

THIS IS A NONPARTISAN JOKE THAT CAN BE ENJOYED BY BOTH
PARTIES! NOT ONLY THAT, it is POLITICALLY CORRECT!!

While walking down the street one day a US senator is
tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at
the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle
in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around
these parts,you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up.
What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then
you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,"
says the senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and
he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in
the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and
standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who
had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to
greet him, Shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had
while getting Rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on
lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly
guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such
a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the
elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on
heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of
contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and
singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours
have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in
heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers:
"Well, I would Never have said it before, I mean heaven has been
delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes
down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the
middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the
trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his
shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was
here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and
caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's
just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
What happened?"

The devil l ooks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we
were campaigning. Today you voted."

life is wonderful ((cat)), i hope all is well for you also. we chat so little!

the state should also address the issue of how crooked the dating sites are. True and match are possibly the worst with false flirts and bogus come ons from non existant members, just to get you to join

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH ?





My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed.


Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.


This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.


Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short . The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and Poland are some of the countries listed there.


The other list contains every one not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.


Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

THEN EVERY YEAR THERE AFTER IT’ll GO TO OUR SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM SO IT WONT GO BROKE IN 20 YEARS.


The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.


Need help with a famine ? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France .


In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home . On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt
you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.


Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China .

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany , and Russia . Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiringfrom NATO as well.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed.
I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2 its president and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra thousand tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put 'em?
Yep, border security.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America It is time to eliminate homelessness in America . To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.


God bless America . Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English,thank a soldier.

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-Decker bus for a weekend trip to Louisiana. The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.

The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.

When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. the brunette asked, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"

One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered... "YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER

A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to
other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train.


Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....


He in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM , the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,

'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?

I'm awfully cold.'

'I have a better idea,' she replied. 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married.'

'Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.

'Good,' she replied. 'Get your own f*ckin blanket.'

After a moment of silence, he farted

>
>
>
> A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very
> serious financial troubles. *While checking the church storeroom,
> he discovered* several cartons of new Bibles that had never been
> opened and distributed.
>
> So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from
> the congregation who would be willing to sell the Bibles
> door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money
> for the church.
>
> Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.
>
> The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as
> salesmen and were likely capable of selling some Bibles. But he
> had serious doubts about Louie who was a local farmer, who had
> always kept to
> himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment.* Poor
> *Louis stuttered badly. But, NOT WANTING TO discourage Louis,
> the minister decided to let him try anyway.
>
> He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars
> stacked with Bibles. *He asked them to meet with him and report
> the results of * their door-to-door selling efforts the following
> Sunday.
> **
> Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister
> immediately asked Jack, "Well, Jack, how did you make out selling
> our Bibles last week?"
>
> Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, "Using my
> sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 Bibles, and here's the $200 I
> collected on behalf of the church."
>
> "Fine job, Jack!" *The minister said, vigorously shaking his
> hand.* *"You* are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is
> indebted to you."
>
> Turning to Paul, "And Paul, how many Bibles did you sell for the
> Church last week?"
>
> Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, "I
> am a *professional salesman.** I sold 28 Bibles on behalf of the
> church, and* here's $280 I collected."
>
> The minister responded, "Th at's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are
> truly a professional salesman and the church is indebted to you."
>
> Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, "And Louie,
> did you manage to sell any Bibles last week?" Louie silently
> offered the minister a large envelope.
>
> The minister opened it and counted the contents. "What is
> this?" the minister exclaimed. "Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are
> you suggesting that you sold 320 Bibles for the church, door to
> door, in just one week?"
>
> Louie just nodded. That's impossible!" both Jack and Paul said in
> unison. *"We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold
> 10* times as many Bibles as we could."
>
> "Yes, this does seem unlikely," said the minister who didn't want
> to appear to be a greed. "I think you'd better explain how you
> managed to accomplish this, Louie."
> > Louie shrugged. "I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know
> f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.
>
> Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just
> tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!"
>
> "A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied,
> "W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy
> th-th-th-this B-B-B-B-Bible F-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks
> ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to
> st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you??"
>

A redneck man goes to a drug store and says
to the pharmacist: "I got a hot date tonight, an'
I need me some pertection. How much is a pack a' them rubbers gonna cost me?"

The pharmacist responds: "A
three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."
"TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a'
mighty, don't they stay on by themselves?

911

let them eat cake!!!

lol

>> You have two choices in life:
>> You can stay single and be miserable,
>> or get married and wish you were dead.
>>
>> __________
>>
>>
>>
>> At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
>> 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the
>>
>> wrong finger?'
>> 'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'
>>
>>
>>
>> __________
>>
>>
>>
>> A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
>> 'Husband Wanted'.
>> Next day she received a hundred letters.
>> They all said the same thing:
>> 'You can have mine.'
>>
>>
>>
>> __________
>>
>> When a woman steals your husband,
>> there is no better re venge than to let her keep him.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> __________
>>
>>
>>
>> A woman is incomplete until she is married.
>>
>> Then she is finished .
>>
>>
>>
>> __________
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> A young son asked,
>> 'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
>> a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'
>>
>>
>> Dad replied, 'That happens in every country,
>> son.'
>>
>>
>>
>> __________
>>
>>
>>
>> Then there was a woman who said,
>> 'I never knew what real happiness was until I got
>> married,
>> and by then, it was too late.'
>>
>>
>>
>> __________
>>
>>
>>
>> Marriage is the triumph of imagination over
>> intelligence.
>>
>>
>>
>> __________
>>
>> If you want your spouse to listen and
>> pay strict attention to every word you say...
>>
>> talk in your sleep.
>> __________
>>
>>
>>
>> Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men
>> would go through life thinking they had no faults at
>> all.
>>
>>
>>
>> __________
>>
>> First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'
>> Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still
>> alive.'
>>
>>
>>
>> __________
>>
>>
>>
>> 'A Woman's Prayer:
> > Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, to understand a man ,
>>
>>
>> to Love and to forgive him , and for patience,
>> for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength
>> I'll just beat him to death'
>>
>>
>>
>> __________
>>
>>
>> AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with
>> their nine children. A blind man joins them after a
>> few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it
>> overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are
>> able to fit onto the bus.
>>
>> So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
>> After a while, the husband gets irritated by the
>> ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it
>> on the sidewal k, and says to him, 'Why don't you put
>> a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That
>> ticking sound is driving me crazy.'
>>
>> The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at
>> the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so
>> shut up.'