and that is your choice as a parent

my parents made a different choice, and I didnt 'like' it anymore than I would have liked time out or grounding or any other discipline,, thats kind of the point

but in my adulthood , I still APPRECIATE they took the time to teach me and prepare me for life...

you keep making generalizations,, how do you know there is no good from it for anyone?

how often do people who are spanked have to speak up about how it helped them for those who were abused to take them at their word and stop insulting them or their parents?

children are not adults. it takes teaching and guiding them.

as for a child acting up in public and needing to leave, that's not always an option. as in my example from last night, all the people there obviously have to wait and get medical attention.
leaving is not an option and a bump on the head does not mean that he is exempt from rules or expectations of behavior. all it took was reminding him there are consequences for him to settle down because he knows a warning is not an empty threat.
at the same time, he knows I will be straightforward with him and he asked me to accompany him in the doctors office. he asks if it's going to hurt. I tell him it might or it shouldn't. like with the stethoscope, I explain to him what it's for. with a blood test I do tell him the truth. he can be prepared

I said they are little adults.
I said leaving can be one option. If you feel you need to resort to misbehaving yourself, leaving is a better option.
Anything else?

It doesn't matter to me how often anyone says spanking helped them, I will still say it's wrong to spank kids. How often do I need to reiterate what I said?

Scolding is wrong too. Adults are not above misbehavior, this is abusive behavior. Seek help.

Descriptive and inferential statistics were used to analyze the data. The findings from the descriptive statistics provided information about Turkish mothers' parental attitudes.
....
Employment status of mothers was found to be related to mothers' attitudes toward hostility and rejection in childrearing practices. Mothers who were employed possessed a lower level of hostility and experienced fewer feelings of rejection compared to mothers with other employment statuses.

THE PENNSYLVANIA STATE UNIVERSITY
Dissertations & Theses - Gradworks
Turkish mothers' attitudes toward childrearing practices
by Tekin, Gokce, Ph.D., THE PENNSYLVANIA STATE UNIVERSITY, 2008, 182 pages; 3441068

Here ya go Estelle, this might help in your research. A real Theses to review about the women around you, in your neighborhood.

it's interesting how you attack and judge others who are veteran parents with well adjusted kids.
how is holding a child to expectations misbehaving.

you told another person to seek professional help.

a formerly abused person who hates men, yet continues to live with their oppressor needs to help themself before they can be anything in a balanced relationship with anyone else, whether it be wife, mother or coworker.

it sets a pattern. a person who has been physically or emotionally abused will either find a way to leave home and go with the first person who appears to offer kindness. but is doomed to fail in a relationship because they are afraid to form a significant attachment.
or they mistake sex for love creating children to whom they will continue the cycle by poisoning their mind against people.
without the intervention of professional help and therapy nothing will change.
my heartfelt prayer for that person who is so locked in their misery that they embrace it.

If the scolding makes yuo cringe like it does me, then it is demeaning, not building or correcting.

good grief Charlie Brown!

I even talked to my son about this and he thinks the generalization, twister games and forcing opinions as the truth are ridiculous

glad I have a good, caring, responsible son

my kids would say the same yellow

Lets see your reaction the first time your kid tries to put something in the electrical socket of tried to bolt into the street.. anything that would bring immediate harm to them... wherever they may be. And believe me it will.. dozens of times. ( and don't give me that child proofing the house line.. you can't child proof a house.).

I would love to hear the " now.now.. sweetheart.. one must not do that" lecture

Or will it be the immediate loud scolding. Why would you scold.. you ask?.. well I'll tell you why.. because in that moment of time.. you ( the parent) were petrified that your child was going to get hurt. And your first reaction is to scold.. and if needed spank, to drill it into the child at that exact moment in time that they are NEVER TO DO THAT AGAIN

Why.. because you love them!!. and you want them to be safe.

So much for us who hate kids

quite hilarious,,,lol


I will keep on with what works for me and mine


continue believing your child is the same as an adult and that its as easy as just talking to them like adults,

or , through trial and error(no parent has it right out the gate, trust that),, figure out what actually works in the long run,, when they are exposed to something other than mama, and can talk, and test, and walk and run and aren't as easy as a 10 month old who is pretty helpless to do much of anything but depend on ya,,


wrong is subjective in this case

the person who experiences wrong can determine if they felt that way,,, we cant feel others feelings


my experiences weren't wrong to me,,, yours were to you,, but neither of us can speak for the other

so lets quit trying,, huh?

What so you're saying I never did that for my older son? Totally wrong there! I taught my son to appreciate things and he had to earn his pocket money (allowance) also. I also taught him to respect people and he turned into quite a level-headed boy, without me having to raise a hand to him. Everybody is going to have different views to this subject, but this way worked for me and my oldest kid. He hears stories of how his pals dads and mums disciplined them and he tells me that it sounds alien to him, as I never did that to him once. Different ways to get a child to behave, without hitting them, believe me?

um, actually, I was speaking about myself, we should all try it and stop trying to speak to others experienes

your parents taught you and my parents taught me too
they don't all have to use the same means to do it,,,

not ALL KIDS ARE THE SAME,, some things will work for some and not others
its not a one size fits all job,,,

Estelle, for a parent who has only a baby....not even a toddler yet, you are too 'opinionated'!! A few of the veteran parents have already voiced their opinion that different methods works for different kids, even their own kids. So, until you have clocked the time with your kid, or kids if you should have more, tell us whether you practiced what you preached..... till then, it is better to reserve your comment as to whether what we did was right or wrong!

And Tim, it is great that you have never had to lift a hand to your boy, but I'm sure you needed to have a word with him when he is unruly or pushed you too far, thus your tone of voice (meaning scold...whatever the definition). Not needing to spank, shows you are a great father and disciplinarian. Kudos!

I have 4 kids and I have had to scold some and spank some.... and not even lift a finger to some! So, call that abuse if you must, but it is just our way of adapting to the different needs of our kids....some response to talk, some to scolding, and some need to be spanked.

When I was 6, I had my first caning from my mum (I must have been an angel before that ) for breaking some rules that were set down. Those whips of the cane reminded me of the boundaries and I never needed another. So, spanking/whipping/caning/smacking do work depending on the situation.

I'm against abusing animals, children and women. If that makes me different then I like being different.

Injecting fear into a child by any means remains detrimental when the child grows up.

That's right, fear may control them, but it will also damage them. Everyone including children deserve love and respect.

Fear controls anyone. I brought up a topic exactly like this before and I still stand by my opinions that methods used in petrifying a child/adolescent has long term effects internally to that particular child's mentality and in how they form relationships later in their lives. They are anything but positive. They only instill more fear of authority and lack of self-worth as well as stagnated character building each time you do it.

being different is great,, being judgmental and accusing others falsely of crimes is not,,,,