You know I Work with the public. I see neglectful parenting. Sometimes I intervene. If a child is about to fall or get hurt and the parent doesn't correct the problem they just smile and say your gonna fall and get hurt one hundred times. But if a kid is being loud or just annoying. I do nothing. Once my child was sick. I had to bring him to the pharmacy and he was in the buggy crying and carrying on because he felt bad when a woman leaned over and said to him "young man if you don't stop that your mother is going to take you and leave!" BIG MISTAKE on her part! I don't like to talk about what happened next because it wasn't nice on my part. I'm crazy when it comes to my kids. I'm okay with others intervening when it prevents someone from getting hurt otherwise mind your own business.

The beautiful thing about children is how they change us and open our eyes to a whole new life. Kids Learn as they grow. They will make mistakes because they are human. You will see Estelle. Your perfect child will shock you one day. No matter how you raise her or discipline her....because she is human.

I was spanked by my mother in public when I was very young...
Hmmm..
Hmmm
. perhaps that is why I am..
. Sofond of being spanked today.
. ...
... thanks mom..

I believe all children are perfect. Mistakes are part of being a perfect human being. I'm trying to let people know that hurting their kids won't make them better human beings. But I guess some people are closed minded about the nature of parenting thinking that hurting their kids will teach them about respecting authority. This argument is so ridiculous. It's like saying holding a gun to someone's head will make them behave better...that is shady parenting if you ask me.

Yeah....ridiculous. time to walk away.

you cant make others who successfully raised children understand about how to raise children as they have had the experience of DOING IT already.

I need people to understand that they cant protect their kids from everything either and setting them up with a false sense of lifes consequences not being uncomfortable is not doing them a favor,

just like mistakes are a part of life, so are setbacks , obstacles and discomfort,,,


if one learns there are no consequences at home, they will soon believe there will be none in the world

and I know that in my culture, that is just as abusive a set up as ACTUAL physical abuse would ever be,,,


everyone doesnt love them like I do,, they know that

they know they are loved

and they know that being grown introduces a lot of very harsh consequences for very poor choices,

my brothers know how teamwork and stamina work because they suffered the 'hurt' that is involved with being knocked around in sports,

,, examples are to prepare for reality,, the example where I will just always sit and try to understand when the motive is only to see how far over the rules one can go,,,,is not reality,,

there is no place in adulthood where breaking laws results in someone trying ot understand and appease us based upon how we felt,,,only based upon whether we knew right from wrong,,,

they dont just know what 'class' is,, class comes with boundaries and have to be taught


what is hard for some parents to grasp is how other parents can repeatedly insist how poorly or abusively they raised kids without knowing anything about them or their kids and without even having been through raising a child themself


causation and correlation are lost definitions in this discussion

when children are unruly perhaps they NEED to be ignored or reprimanced,,,instead of that they are being unruly because they are ignored or reprimanded


myself, my relatives, and everyone I know who has had a supportive an dloving family that SPANKED were never amongst the 'unruly' children

and by the way, how can one say they see the most 'unruly' children but then say all children are perfect

cant really believe both, can we?

Edited for targeting another member.
ALL opinions are valuable.

soufie
Site Moderator

Which is it msharmony: is everyone different or is spanking not abusive in your perspective? They contradict each other.

I've seen people do that here. I stare at the older woman who has the gull to say this. This is not treating someone like you want to be treated. This is purely threatening them to be afraid in the future every time you make a mistake.

http://www.cnn.com/2014/09/15/opinion/robbins-spanking-adrian-peterson-case/

http://healthland.time.com/2012/02/06/why-spanking-doesnt-work/

how do they contradict exactly?

everyone IS different

and some abusive people spank

but not everyone who spanks is abusive


that is why I am not berating those who don't spank and saying it worked with THEIR KIDS

just as it would be respectful for them not to continue berating those who spank and say it works with THEIR KIDS ( ,, that's where kids being DIFFERENT comes in..spanking helps some and not others)

so the adrian peterson case was debunked right? it helps? where? how? in what means to a child's personal value and self-worth? do you honestly think spanking is completely %100 effective and doesn't leave permanent psychological damage and fear (not mention builds a pathological liar to avoid the "next time") to a child who is essentially still growing? smh amazing.

I don't know who Adrian Peterson is, nor his circumstances

I speak from PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. It helped me learn boundaries and choice and consequence. It helped me learn that consequences have nothing to do with personal value but smart choices.

I don't know what '100%' effective means? it served its purpose in what it was trying to teach me so it was effective.

it didn't leave me any permanent psychological damage because I am not a victim and because I had the BALANCE to understand the concept of choice and consequence.

we are all always growing, even as adults we grow and learn , life is nothing but a series of lessons, as we get older and older OFROM BIRTH) life is designed so those lessons become less and less simple and more and more complex,, just like humans do.

no reason to be shaking heads,,,,,,I feel bad for those who actually suffered abuse, I worked in guardian ad litem so I know the difference

they are permanently scarred enough to truly believe it logical to lump in every and each action which causes any emotional or physical discomfort as abusive,,,

The only thing a child needs from a mom is love and your message about love is conditional.

lol, its a nice sounding clich�

but kids need food, and water, and boundaries and discipline

and shelter and rest

Parenting is one of the most rewarding jobs a person can choose to do...it is also one of the most challenging.
Children will not always behave in a acceptable manner. That is a given. There are no golden perfect children. They can be spontaneous, loud, unruly and difficult to handle. They have not learned to always to act appropriately and are not yet in control of their emotions.
It is the parents job to teach them the appropriate behaviors expected of them in any given situation and guide them in the right direction. Hahaha! Easier said than done!
This means being the parent...NOT their buddy or best friend. They are not being cute when they disrupt and disrespect the space of others in a public place. No one is going to thank you for allowing your child to act like he is at the playground when he is at the restaurant. This is an opportunity to teach him manners and respect.
How the parent reponds to the child makes a huge difference in how the he will continue to behave and mature. Learn how to say No and mean it. Setting age appropriate boundaries and expectations early and ahead of time will go a long way to making an outing a more pleasant experience. Put down your phones and be present with your child.
This being said there will always be challenging days.
How do you handle the meltdowns? First by doing your best to not have a meltdown yourself. You don't need to stomp or yell at your child. Talking in a quieter tone works better,get down to their level, have eye contact. Do your best to diffuse their frustration or distract their focus.
If you are unable to redirect your child please, remove him from the situation. There is nothing so important that you cannot leave the area until the child is able to handle himself. That may mean returning in a few minutes or the next day etc...I have left carts of groceries behind when my children were unable to get it under control.
Nothing is gained by yelling, shaming, threatening or frightening the child into behaving at a moment he is just incapable of achieving it. They are children, immature...growing and learning how to cope with the big old world. They need the security of consistant and reasonable guidance. Be gentle, be understanding but be firm.
Parenting is an essential craft...usually learned on the fly, a hands on education. It can be exhausting...for both of you but so, so, so worthwhile.


A note on spanking...
My children are grown and have children of their own and yes, I did on occasion spank them. When my younger son asked me about this when his first child was misbehaving, I responded with,
"Yes I did spank you sometimes, but I wish I hadn't. Because the spanking had less to do with teaching you good behaviour and more to do with my own frustration."
And that folks is just not a good enough reason to raise a hand to anyone...Peace...

Of course you don't know who he is. You didn't read the links I posted on two known publication sites.

sigh

I didnt read it because I really dont care what ONE Person did as it pertains to the broader topic of how MILLIONS Discipline and have been disciplined.

The 'hitting' information is not just about spanking, it rolls up ALL hitting into one, so once again, it is not very relevant to the specific topic of SPANKING.

I really feel sorry for parents that follow your ignorant examples in child rearing. It just amazes the lengths you will go to defend a violent reaction stemming from frustration and lower levels of self-control. It's completely relevant yet you choose to ignore it like I brought in some obtuse reference.