each person does what works for them.
when I take kids anywhere with me, we establish the expectations before we exit the car.
if they misbehave in public and get away with it, they learn this type of behavior is ok.
also, if what they are doing might be offensive and disrespectful to others, you want to stop it immediately.
here's an example: when my niece was 4, her Godmother and I took her out for burgers during the holiday season. a largely built man walked in wearing a Santa hat. my niece told him you look stupid wearing the hat. I told her be quiet. she asked why, you guys always tell me to speak the truth and im speaking the truth.
not having enough time to explain the difference between truth and disrespectful I had to tell her stop or you'll get spanked right here and now.
the guy thankfully didn't hear her because he was too far away.

plus if you wait to apply whatever consequence until you get home, they already forgot the infraction.

Some people say piercing your childs ears is abuse.....

I heard of that too, I don't its abuse. my mom had my ears done at a young age, yes a boy me, but that just birthed my fetish for tattoos & piercings today....lol.

I don't think it's right to pierce a child's ears, circumcise and boy, spank/hit/yell/punish in order to discipline a child because there are other ways. I will tell her no and maybe explain why whenever I disapprove, and she will learn what I expect from her. I believe the best a parent can do is allow the child choices according to her age and mental capacity. Children behave like children should when they are treated with respect. They don't misbehave much or rebel much when they feel accepted for who they are. I guess we all agree that there is a line between parenting and abusing. For me I wouldn't let anyone spank my child (including myself) but I can assure you she will not grow up to be a disrespectful trouble maker. My daughter is very calm and behaves well in public already, so something is working. People tell me she is an easy baby, but I think it has to do with our relationship being equal and respectful.

you don't agree with circumcisions & piercings of babies? I'm interested why is that? I hear that circumcisions are important I was circumcised & I turn up fine. Would that be a religion decisions? you know I hear some religions disapprove of piercings & circumcises.

For me it's not at all about religion. It's just about respecting my child. Here is my favorite 'parenting advice':

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Wow, I like that hmmmmm.... I learn something new today. you a wonderful parent Estelle. I love how you broke down the other elements of parenting

Childhood affects us the rest of our lives, it can set us up to fail in life or set us up to succeed. It's so important that a child has at least one person who respects them and believes in them and supports them, they will learn to treat themselves this way as well. Life will punish any child enough, I don't need to add to it, instead I want to try to help the child in life.

do you think its helpful to not teach them about punishment before life gets ahold of them,, and not prepare them for handing adversity/disappointment/or consequences?

here is an example. when I was dating my ex, his roomy had his gf and her 3 kids over night. he worked late so he slept in. We didn't expect them to tip toe but didn't expect a dcreamer either. Her youngest (4 yrs old) threw a screaming tantrum because his sis wanted to let the dog out and he didn't want that. Instrad of taking him out of the room or scolding or time out, the mom coddles him and talks very sweet. Guess what, that didn't work. He threw tantrums about everything while the ex was trying to sleep. He is 4 and going to push buttons and boundaries and test people's limits and HE DID IN SPADES. The boy came in the back bedrooms and slammed doors and screamed. I finally went out and calmly but with authority said Aaron stop that right now! That's not how to behave. He not only listened to me but we jumped on the trampoline together later. I feel I earned his respect for setting limits that his mom doesn't. found out later from the roomy that is always how it is even at her house.

as kids get older, others won't put up with it...especially employers. There are consequences or rewards for actions. I taught my son that at an early age and he gets it now. He knows if he speeds...expect a ticket. the cop won't coddle him

if only it was easy as giving them 'respect'

it wouldnt be considered such a difficult job,,,,

if only giving respect or kindness was a guarantee of getting it back,,,

maybe in a secluded area where a child is homeschooled, but not where there is ANY other influence giving them other ideas,,,,the testing will come,,,,

I don't care what others think of spanking. Don't like it, don't do it...but don't force your beliefs on me. My son proves to me I did good.

back to scolding in public, it's not just between you and your kid. It involves everyone around

Babies already know life is a struggle, they must feel awful to be so helpless they have to cry for every need. Even birth is more painful for a baby than for a mother. We don't need to punish them more than life already does. They don't really get to decide how they want to spend 18 years of life. And then we want to punish for disobeying this or that when anyone who is sane, with a mind of their own would rebel at that point.

who is talking about punishing babies or even disciplining babies? don't twist things. I'm too old to play twister

I've seen kids that the parents allow ti rebel (like drag racing, drinking, drugs, having babies) and doesn't end well

If you aren't doing anything against them they won't rebel. Rebellion is what human beings do when their rights are being diminished. A child who rebels is a child who is being abused, a child who is too afraid to rebel is also being abused. A child who has no need to rebel is being respected.

I've solved the problem for myself. I do not date men with minors in the home anymore. Beautious!

Other than that, if the parenting is inconsistent between adults, then the child will not learn boundaries because of confusion.


Scolding in public? Why bother. I would leave the entire cart in the store and take my child back home. My kids learned real quick to behave in public while with me.

Estelle, you describe abuse as just the kid breathing.

Because I don't want to spank my child? That is not breathing.

everyone's kids are different... yours might not rebel, but others do... are you implying that others are not good parents?

any style of parenting or discipline is only exclusively the parents choice until the child is of school age.
then, unless the child is home schooled, they are expected to follow the norms of the school system. or have the consequences established by that system which in some countries still includes corporal punishment.
if the child has good socialization skills and adheres to the expectations, there is not a problem. if they don't, there are conferences, behavior plans established, and other interventions as deemed necessary.

just like cleaning up kids injuries is hurtful but necessary, sometimes for a parent establishing authority isn't easy, but necessary.