I consider my child to be my equal so spanking doesn't go with my beliefs. She does not get to hit me or I hit her. I want to teach her about real love from a young age so why would I spank her. Spanking teaches to respect and to fear not to love. She will make mistakes, but I will just reinforce the right way again and again. That is how she will learn. I won't let her get away with whatever she wants or spoil her with things or coddle her either. I want her to become independent one day but that doesn't mean going through abuse of an ignorant parent. If I do spank her or something of the nature, it is my mistake. I will learn better ways of conveying what I want her to learn as the years go by, but I already know spanking, yelling or punishing is not the way.

to each their own,, different things work with different kids,,,

I was spanked, and manage to be full of LOVE and able to respect and to fear, when the situations support it,, they are all valuable emotions,,,

best of luck,,,

I was beat up a lot and it has something to do with what I've learned about kids. If it's possible for me to take the time to really teach my child, acting up won't be problematic. They are not stupid, they're just innocent. I think spanking is the easy way out, doesn't take time and get's the child to stop whatever they're doing. But I will never forget being a child and how I wish my parents would have taken the time to raise me and teach me things instead of acting like kids should be quiet and do what adults say. Adults always say do as I say not as I do. Children should do whatever they know best to do, and that depends on the parent. Also, children go through phases, so I would pay attention is it a phase or do I need to teach them something. Children can't get together and protest the way they've been treated for millennia, but I have no doubt it's been wrong.

some children have been treated wrong

but not because they were spanked, but because of the IMBALANCE in their homes,,

I am sorry your family did not teach and discipline you,

the proof is in the pudding and it obviously had negative emotional impact upon you

myself and others I know who grew up with spankings and had BALANCE in their home have grown up without the negative memory and emotional impact,,,,

,,everyone is different, the biggest difference is the balance, not the spanking,,,

If a parent finds spanking 'easy', I feel for them.

ITs very difficult to see our kids unhappy, whether its because we take something from them, or tell them no, or spank them,,,,,but parenting isn't meant to be easy,,, or everyone would do it,,,

Agreed. I was spanked, my sister was spanked, our kids were spanked... We are a very close and loving family. We have respect for each other and enjoy laughing and hanging out with each other. I think the worse legal problems in our family would be speeding tickets (mom has a lead foot )

The phrase "spare the rod, spoil the child" isn't saying to spare the rod, instead spoil the child. It is saying if you spare the rod, you spoil the child.

I've never used (or used on me) a rod, belt, whatever. It was by hand. I'm proud of my family and how close we are. I'm proud my kid isn't into the kind of stuff some get into at that age.

I spank my kids. I don't do it every time they do something wrong. I believe the punishment should fit the behavior. When they do something that can really injure themselves or someone else I spank them. I always talk to my kids after any kind of discipline and they always know exactly why they've been punished. I hate spanking my kids but it is effective. I could never be the type to spank my kids for every little thing. I love and respect my boys and I want them to be free. They are after all kids.

I agree real

kids are so different,, some kids respond to just talk, while others you can talk to till you are blue in the face

some kids respond to having priviliges or things taken, while others(like me) don't care enough about those things for it to have much impact

others respond to physical discipline, while others have a tolerance that causes it to have little effect

,,,if you do something over and over and the behavior doesn't change, it isn't working


none of us were spanked past 2nd or 3rd grade because the lessons were learned, if you are spanking, talking, grounding over the same offense years on end,, whatever you are doing isn't working and its time to try something different

,,in my opinion, of course,

Children need parents to guide them in public for their safety, it's not because the child is bad. I wouldn't smack a child I would interact with him or her because they probably just need that. If I need a break, it's time to a) go home, b) ask someone else to watch my kid for a few, c) distract the child away from my attention with a toy or whatever, or d) I better be patient until I can get a break. But if I lose my cool that is my fault, and it will happen sometimes I'm sure. But I consider it to be a mistake not a way to parent a child.

Children have inner discipline, look at the way they play with a toy for 30 minutes straight.

There are adults who were raised without any spanking and still learned discipline in life. I think you are a good parent even though I don't agree about the exact style, the most important thing you are teaching your kids is that you do love them, the details are less important.

Yes Estelle, the important thing is you always remain calm and don't lose your cool. Be a positive example for your children. Very good points

i think everyone knows the difference between spanking and abuse... someone swats there kid on the azz ain't abuse, backhanding them across the room is....

but like RCB and estelle says, not being mad is the best way, period..

action and consequence

losing ones cool doesn't fit into that

delving the consequence that has been explained does,,

it occurred to me that I only read the in public part and only talked about the in public part.

I'm not a mom, but I often have either my relatives kids or for a time was helping out my good friend with her 3 kids while she did classes to get her degree.

the first step of discipline is establishing expectations, and physical boundaries if necessary (if going to a large place and they wouldn't be in someone's line of vision).
we often have prayer time at our house. my cousins come with their kids and my niece and nephew.
I ask all the kids, every time how are we going to act. they will say, sit quietly, no fooling around. no poking each other. whatever. there is always one who will ask but what if. I tell them you worry about you.
they know if they don't, there will be no video game time or playing outside with the dog.

when we go to the park or a large family gathering we establish the expectations before leaving. about playing safe. having respect and things like that. and I ask them what happens if you don't behave. they will answer that someone (in our family anyone can) will smack them.
I say ok, then we understand each other.

rule #2 in our family is nobody else will save you from your consequence if you earned it.
for example my cousin's youngest son would test his limits then run to his mom not to get punished. at first his mom didn't like it that he would still get whatever his consequence was.
I explained to her and my cousin that this has worse consequences as he gets older. if he learns young that the rules are for everyone else but him, who will bail him out when he gets in real trouble as he gets older

What happens when the kid smacks you back for misbehaving? They get smacked even harder?

this is how we were taught as well, dream

when we grow up,, no ones gonna continue talking to us and trying to understand us when we break laws and rules,, they will take away our livelihood, or our lives, or our freedoms

the world doesn't love us like our family,, but if we come to see our families remedies as the reality and the family only talks and talks and talks,, its gonna be very hard adapting to the world when we become dults,,

When you say smack I think about abuse. Losing your cool and just smacking a kids face. Spankings are controlled.

How can anyone explain all the well adjusted adults who never got spanked or smacked as kids?

same way one explains the non well adjusted adults that never got spanked,, or those who did,,,


its simple really,, kids are not one size fits all

when there is BALANCE it works, some are sensitive to just a raised voice and some are not,, some are desperate for approval from parents, others care more about approval from peers,,

different things 'work' for different kids,,,,

It's true that teaching kids does include working on discipline, routines, habits, manners and all these things that a well behaved child should know and practice. But to spank them or take advantage of their smallness or their innocence when they get it wrong seems a little backwards. Just like husbands used to 'discipline' their wives and it was considered the norm, how is it any different or right to do it to a child? I would call this method domestic violence on a child even if it's 'controlled', no offense that's just my reasoning.

As for scolding a child, it is also abusive in my opinion. And I think it's really hard sometimes but a parent needs to control themselves first.

when I say smack, I mean one swat to their behind.
in my niece's case since she is almost a teenager, we teach her it's not ok for people to be touching her behind she gets (and not often) on the back of the head.
never hard. never that it would make a mark.
this is not to say it happens every time. like I stated in my first response to this post, usually all it takes is once. then they know you will follow through with a consequence.

as for losing control, I know there are people out there who do and that's abuse.

when I was raising my nephew from birth to age nine, he would push me past control and I would walk away rather than beat the crap out of him