Thank you MsHarmony. You say it better than I could

I don't think you are that bad as a parent. There are just a few things that I disagree with that are really important.
Babies already know what is good. They cry when something is wrong and they smile when things are good. It's innate. They develop empathy through guidance, showing them gentleness like how to pet an animal. This takes a little time for them to grasp.
Spanking, punishing are not right to do to anyone..doing this instills fear, and the thinking they can treat others this way, it's the opposite of guiding them towards being good and gentle to others and themselves.
Brainwashing with religious doctrine is not the same as reinforcing good which is innate in them, religion teaches them duality, the opposite of simplicity in goodness. That they need to be good to go to heaven or for Santa to bring them gifts, not for the sake of being good which they should be getting a handle on as a child. Punishing them for not caring to please God or Santa or whatever ulterior motive is teaching them fundamentally wrong things about what is good from an early age.
I could go on and on..

VERY offensive. Just because someone doesn't agree with spanking doesn't make it right to imply others are abusive. Just because someone is religious doesn't make it brain washing.

My son is 24 and a hard worker. Everyone that meets him says how polite and friendly he is. He loves his family very much. He was brought up Christian and decided whether to follow it or not.

Things seem to be generalizations with you. Generalizations are not accurate and I won't be lumped in.

I don't teach my son to label or bash others with different views. I taught him to respect that it's their beliefs. We are all accountable for our own actions.

why continue assuming that being spanked excludes guidance about being 'good' or gentle?

why continue to assess that learning from the bible excludes reinforcing ones 'innate' good?

religion reinforced what I already felt,, how about that?

no duality, just affirmation ,,, shocking huh?


I was never threatened with Heaven or Hell,

I had such a balance that I was able to go through developmental stages as I should, I learned the Santa song' be good for goodness sake',, so I never chose to be Good just so I would get gifts

my parents tried , as I do, to allow me to be exposed to different cultures and experiences,, so we had CHOICE

the bible was no different than any book I was allowed to read in school, I had the CHOICE,, it was never forced , but I am glad I had the opportunity to learn it,, along side all the amoral nonsense the world teaches

that along with the EXAMPLES I saw in my own life from my family was what reinforced what very well may have already been 'innate' in me,,


religion is not a bad thing nor is spanking

imbalance is the enemy


I am not sure what happened in your life and I am truly sorry about whatever it was , but that was YOUR life and not the life of anyone that ever was or will be spanked,,


I am not sure what happened in your life and I am truly sorry about whatever it was , but that was YOUR life and not the life of anyone that ever was or will be spanked,,

I don't get your reasoning for spanking.
You say:
Kids should not be spanked for being kids.
They should be spanked for disobeying and doing what they know is wrong.
If they are kids how can they always know?
This is spanking them for being kids.
And if it not for being kids then it is for disagreeing with you as an adult would.
This is silly, would you spank an adult for disagreeing with you?
Your reasoning doesn't make sense.
Kids will be kids and parents need to accept that or they aren't parenting, they are punishing.
Take the time to encourage them about good things, petting animals together saying please and thank you to them, making it a fun game or whatever takes more effort than spanking them for not saying it when ordered to or for being too rough with a pet..they haven't learned yet how to show good deeds, and they will be confused by your bad deeds to them.
If you spank them what happens when you see them spank the dog, this is what they've learned to do with weaker beings after all..
You say you know about parenting..

IT is for choosing to step over boundaries or rules that have been set

'kids' develop and grow, and as they grow they 'know' more and more

and the parents who talk with their kids know whether they know or not

that is why it is the PARENTS job and the PARENT decides based upon knowledge of THEIR child,

being disrespectful has real consequences in the REAL World, and they have consequences in our home, to PREPARE for the real world

breaking laws has REAL consequence in the REAL world and they have consequences in our home, , to PREPARE for the real world

I was never nor are my children disciplined merely for disagreeing but if they do it in a RESPECTFUL Way,, being DISRESPECTFUL is another issue

no one in my family ever abused a pet , these are leap that I just don't get

we understood differences, between pets, and children and ADULTS,, so these weren't analogies we ever would make,,

we were getting whatever DISCIPLINE we were told would follow the choice we made,, PERIOD

there weren't a lot of spankings, because they WORKED and taught us , and corrected our behavior for the future,,,

there is nothing unpleasant about me sitting and talking to them as they are WONDERFUL speakers and debaters,, as were my brothers and I,, that is not A consequence for an intentionally wrong behavior,,

that would only teach them that in life they will be able to TALK their way out of everything, which is FAR from the truth of what I know and everyone in my family knows

now, it may work for your child, and I hope it does and you don't face a rude awakening

but you don't need to understand why I spanked or why my parents spanked, I understood(even as a child), and my children understand why


the end.

I don't think it's easy to be a parent, but I know it is easier than being a child. So, it is easy to say no to abuse. If you didn't want to be a parent then it is not the child's fault.
Teachers used to be allowed to hit kids with rulers.
Husbands used to be allowed to hit their wives.
I want to say mothers used to be allowed to spank their kids, but they still are as long as it doesn't leave a mark right? That is why you win this argument, not for being right, but for being on the side of popular opinion.
One day I'm sure spanking and other punishing techniques will be banned as well. I think child abuse does actually ban these behaviors, enforcing it is harder to do. Keep in mind human rights exist for all humans, no matter if they are 1 day old or 100 years old.

being a parent is easier FOR YOU(With a 10 month old) than YOUR childhood,,

my childhood was much easier than parenting, as I was only responsible for being 'happy' and going to school , and a chore or two and nothing else

parenthood involves a lot more SACRIFICE, more responsibility, twice the accountability(yourself and someone else)

and none of that has anything to do with whether one wanted to be a parent , so I'm once again not sure where you make such a leap of logic


hitting is not quite spanking,, husbands can LEAVE wives, adults cannot leave their kids

I likewise would never hit my kids with a ruler, when I spank, I use a belt on a very well padded behind,,,one they have hurt falling upon during play many more times than was ever hurt in discipline

they survive, still knowing they are loved and knowing that there are real and UNPLEASANT consequences in life,,

husbands are NOT legally accountable for wives actions, adults are legally culpable for their kids

wives are able to give CONSENT to contracts, because of the assumed development they have had the chance to experience

children cannot give CONCENT because its understood that they don't have the SAME development of a woman or other adult

the popular opinion is RIGHT, a balanced home should be what we strive for, and we don't need to get emotional over one aspect of that balance,,,discipline


I don't understand the logic of believing a human at 2 is the same as a human at 20 or the human at 75


they are not the same, their development and experience and knowledge are not the same

the consequences they face are not the same


I certainly hope people don't become regulated in terms of how to discipline their kids,, I personally think this mentality of being their friend and their 'equal' has done more disruption than just about anything else

children need boundaries,, they don't need to be placed on the level of expectation and responsibility of an adult,,,

they need discipline,, those who receive it in an unbalanced atmosphere will continue to make the discipline the culprit instead of the imbalance

,,,human rights does not and never has precluded laws, rules, or regulations nor the consequences of breaking them

human rights means I cant taser my kid, but a cop can taser an adult
human rights means I cant handcuff my kid, but a cop can handcuff an adult
human rights means I cant throw my kid in a 6 by 6 room and lock them in, but the justice system can do that to an adult

human rights means the LAW will deal out consequence to an adult when they step over boundaries

and parents will deal out consequence to their child when they do the same,, unless they want them not to learn until they are dealing with the much more harsh ADULT consequences,,

1-2-3 magic works well with younger children, time out ect, but older children i take things from them for a short time, my dad smacked me a lot as a child and it didnt do me any favours, i never smack my kids, and if i see them fighting (not in a playful way) i put on time out or ban them from something, hitting children is wrong, shouting at them and swearing in public at them, i have seen, and have to hold my words in, i cant say anything to them, i am no one in their eyes, why would they listen to my advice, but it still annoys me to see adults abusing kids in public or anywhere infact

It's easier to be a parent than a child (not because of my childhood although it was unfair and ruined my life in many ways) but because children have to do most of the growing up work themselves naturally. Some parents really take too much credit for their children's success.

It's the same way as if I were a teacher I would give more credit to my students for doing the learning. It's easier to teach what you already know than to learn what you don't. Every good teacher knows that education is about enabling the student to do the work of learning.

good grief people, what works with some kids doesn't work with ALL kids

spanking a child on their bottom is not the same as any situation where an adult HITS an adult(Except maybe bdsm where they are actually also spanking an adult)

if kids don't have a lot of things or aren't taught to treasure things, (as many children don't have) taking them away isn't really an option that will make much difference,, but for some kids it will work like charm

HITTING a child in any way other than swatting them on their behind is wrong,, lumping it all together as the same is reactionary emotionalism

'time out' is also not something that works for all kids, after all if they know there is no real consequence for not listening why would they stand in a corner or in time out on your say so

ABUSE is when there are scars, emotional or physical

to assume to tell millions of those who spank or are spanked, yet felt fully loved, protected, cared for and happy that they were actually 'suffering' some abuse, is ridiculous

let it go,, do what works for your kids, let others do what works for theirs


if people tell you they are happy and loved, or kids feel happy and loved,, quit trying to convince them they are being abused because you didn't approve of what someone did to you

all I can say on this is this..
I come from a family of 5.
. when we screwed up..
my dad would send us to his room and and tell us to look for his belt in his closet.... well we were doing this it would give him a chance to cool off.
and while we were looking for the belt it would give us a chance to think about what we did wrong.....
.. now by the time he yelled to see if we have found the belt or not..
.. he would have cooled off enough..
. and we would have had time to rethink what we did wrong...lol..
. most times he would just tell us to leave the belt where it is ,and get out of this room... we would say dodged a bullet there..lol.... and learned our lesson...

.. it was those rare occasions..
. where you would get a backhand upside the head.... where we felt that was uncalled for... the only thing we ever took away from that was dad has a short fuse...lol.... no lesson to be learnt there..

.a

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everyones experience is different no1

we had weekly family meetings, we had set rules and consequences, we listened and talked during those meetings, which taught us we were a family UNIT, that had to work together, that we had CHOICE in everything

we were encouraged and fussed over when we made positive choices, that was the positive consequence that we CHOSE with hat positive action/decision

we were discouraged and disciplined when we made negative choices, that was the negative consequence we CHOSE with that negative action

none of the consequences were a surprise, they were covered regularly and explained in our family meetings

from that I took away that actions have REAL consequences, some more unpleasant than others and that I have a CHOICE in it all , none of it just happens

and that my parents could be counted on to do what they said they would do

non of us feel ABUSED and my children get the same and will state to anyone that their family LOVES them unconditionally and that their mom is loving and kind,,,

spoken like a true CEO..lol..
.. I got nothing but love for you girl..

well, parents are in effect the ceo (and CFO) of their home,, so thanks,,

Never ever scold or spank your children in a public place. I believe it's humiliating for the child and for the parents as well. I consider it to be an act of abuse rather than discipline.

You know spanking is abuse, why do you need to sugarcoat everything? It's ok, you abuse your kid but not that bad. Let's leave it at that. When you compare a parent to a CEO in this context it's like saying basically your child is a slave.

no, YOU ARE.. slaves have no input,, my children have plenty as did my siblings and I


comparing the ceo position with one that delegates others to slaves is evident of a lack of knowledge of what a CEO does



ceos are responsible for the success of a company the way parents are responsible for the success of their family

in order for ceos to do this they have to meet the needs of the customers, the employees, the board directors, stockholders, etc,, blame for ANYTHING wrong lies on their shoulders

in order for parents to do this they also have to meet the needs of their children, their spouse, their debtors, the community and the law

the comparison has NOTHING to do with slavery


slaves have no choices, my children have plenty as did my siblings and I


slaves work for the benefit of someone else, my children my siblings and I all ended up directly benefitting from our choices and decisions

Im not sugarcoating, but I refuse to overdramaticize as well



my child is a part of the family TEAM, family UNIT of which I am responsible as the head

we all have our part, our job, and consequences for not doing our job

PERIOD.

child as a slave?? wow, that takes imagination.

is teaching them responsibility by having them share in age appropriate chores enslaving them?

random facts about parenting:

- a child who has been abused tends to follow a pattern. they either have a high probability of becoming abusive as a parent or swinging to the complete opposite of the spectrum of being too permissive because they don't want to damage their child. imo, both are equally destructive to the child.
many, if they don't seek professional help, continue the cycle of abuse.

- in life there are consequences for choices and actions. positive consequences are considered rewarding like getting an A because you studied hard or failing a course because you didn't invest the time.
consequences escalate with age. after a time, consequences are established by society and tge parents can only hope they did a good job teaching their kids to function and be happy and productive in society. if they didn't, well that's why criminal lawyers often have a thriving practice.
even well into elderly age there are rules to be followed. those who are deemed incapable of following the rules and become a threat to themselves or others are stripped of their decision making and put in the conservatorship of others.
yes even the elderly have consequences. if they are combative, they are put in soft restraints and sedated.

- as a child's behavior escalates during their formative years, one needs to expand their techniques of parenting to meet the growing needs of their child.

lastly, look it up. spanking is not abuse. tat you choose not to do so is your personal option.

it's very much easier to be a parent to a toddler than to kids who communicate and talk back.
as kids grow and develop into their own person, there are the tantrums. there is the rebellion. there are temptations they might fall into because of peer pressure.
what are you going to do the first time your daughter shouts she hates you because she's venting her frustration.

or I don't remember some number of trials parents have with kids.

abuse is something that permanently damages children or leaves a mark. read about laws of child abuse and you'll see that spanking does not constitute the legal definition of abuse

it depends upon what 'scold' means

I believe in immediate correction of misbehavior, now that can range from an inappropriate shouting and yelling in public

to an inside voice addressing the issue at hand

the former is a no,, the latter is a yes


as far as spank,, take it to the bathroom,, again the sooner the better so it is clear the connection between action and consequence