Ever since 50 Shades of Grey hit the market we’re occasionally touched on the various aspects
of a submissive vs. dominant relationship. But I’d like to dig deeper into this mindset if you
all feel comfortable talking about these issues, being forthright with your answers will be the
only way to really see both sides clearly. And I know this topic might stir contention among
our different beliefs and ways of life, but where there’s debate, new ideas can help us relate.

I’ll begin by acknowledging that I have always been the submissive in a committed relationship,
and it’s not because my dominant counterpart demanded this from me, but because I feel secure
in my role and know what’s expected of me, which is... I bring an income into the relationship
so that I am not totally dependent on my partner… I cook and clean and cater to his wants,
desires, and needs… without complaining or nagging… I handle the bill paying… I buy the
groceries and our clothes, both mine and his… I take care of all the animals brought home…
I don’t argue, if he makes a point, I accept it…even though I’m the submissive, because
I have earned his trust he gives me power within the relationship to make decisions about
our financial dealings, including the handling and use of his income too, in other words, the
dominant works, brings his paycheck home, grabs the remote, and comes and goes
as he pleases... doing whatever he likes without my questioning him about where he’s
going and what he does… granted, I already know what most of you are thinking about
the way I handle things in a relationship, but being this way makes it possible for me to
enjoy what I appreciate most… peace and happiness… and if my partner is satisfied
with the way I treat him, he naturally wants to keep me satisfied in his own way too.
Plus, what I’ve said so far is only part of what being a true submissive is really like,
and I’ll only reveal more if this thread shows interest…

So, are any of you willing to reveal your roles, and the expectations you have regarding
your partners?

I am neither. Too rebellious to be submissive and too lazy to be dominant.

Not meant to be off topic, but I wanted to make this comment.

If more women (and men) came to these pages with the same openness that you bring, we would see a lot more couples being born. I love that you don't dance around topics but engage in straight forward talks. Talks that lead to people to taking a look at what each other are really like.

I like this unmasked approach, good for you!

I agree with you. I like to see it more as a man/woman role. If the man acts like a man, my equal not superior yet acts as my protector, does not walk on me, and sincerely loves me, I am willing to play the submissive woman role.

I here you miss lady

you're funny trout... love that gray area...

I don't think I'm naturally either one. However, I've learned, over the years, that women generally (there, I said it) prefer a man to take a leadership roll in relationships. So, I've learned to draw lines and to "punish" her for crossing them. This allows her to push against me and feel my strength which is what she's really after. She needs to know I'm firm and can be trusted and she'll test this often. Constantly looking for little weakness in different areas. She'll try anger, crying, throwing fits, she'll threaten to leave and withhold sex. It's my job to ignore it all. To be unaffected by her emotional outbursts. In this way I earn her respect.

But, it's unfashionable for a woman to admit (even to herself) that she really wants her man to lead her. She wants to be an "equal partner." This makes logical sense. Women also hate the word "submissive." They seem to have some negative connotation attached to it. But, I can't think of another word to replace it with.

However, it's been my experience that equal partners can't always agree and when they don't, nothing gets done. It's really better for one partner to have the last word. And it doesn't have to be the man or the woman. Either can do the job equally well.

It's a simple fact that if a woman wants her man to lead, she must submit to his will. There is no other option except choosing a submissive man.

It is interesting to find someone who also likes peace and happiness. 29 years in the 12 step program clinched it for me. Serenity might be boring for some. But I love it.

What kind of lines do you draw that she's not supposed to cross?

LOL You are the queen of leading threads off on tangents.

The lines I personally draw don't matter. What matters is that I have drawn them and when she crosses them she needs to be punished for it. Some may be based on the kind of relationship we have. Is she a stay at home wife? If so, I'll insist that she keep a neat home for us as well as doing some cleaning up after me.

But, I'll give you a firm example. I don't want to live with an animal (dog, cat, etc.).

I'm not leading this off on a tangent. The thread is about being dominant or submissive, so I was just looking for an example of what you were talking about.

My partner and I both handle the finances and business part. We both contribute to the household chores and outside chores. Partner takes care of the cars. We make all major decisions together, and if we disagree on anything He has the final say so. I do want to know where he is and what he is doing, we should not have too much time away from one another, because we are a Couple. I want a Strong man. I am somewhat dominate woman, when I am single, with a partner I become more submissive to him, in that I believe the man should be the head of the family. Imho

If I am in a relationship, I'd expect both of us to share in dealing with finances, cooking, household chores and things like that. I have no interest in staying home and taking care of the house, so just like him, I'd be out making a living and would expect both of us to take care of things at home.

I am adaptable, I prefer to have the head of the household be the male, but not to the point of being a slave or door mat

IF he is trustworthy and intelligent and loving enough to be head of household,,,the term really just applies to our family unit with children


I dont expect any male to 'dominate' me, but I do expect to be able to respect them enough to trust their decisions when they are made in love,,,,and I expect us to 'help' each other

My husband and I were best friends and equals. So "talk" about dominant and submissive always seem foreign to me...I feel like an alien from some far-off planet when dominant/submissive discussions come up.

thank you, Scoundrel, for allowing an insight into the role of dominance... in this I also like how you shed light on the "dance", as the submissive seeks the boundaries of control... while knowing the "punishment" for her daring, she also derives satisfaction and even pleasure by being reminded of who remains the lead...

I agree... peace of mind and spirit is worth more than anything else on earth...