DON'T HOLD BACK...PLEASE TELL US EXACTLY HOW YOU DO IT!!!

hi unsure... I never said that my ex punished me... not even in the bedroom... and what I refer to in our dom/sub relationship is our personalities, our attitudes and belief's, the way we conduct ourselves, not bedroom antics where he was clearly the dom... I'm more of a submissive type, not that he demanded me to be, although he was the jealous and possessive type, but because that's what I preferred... but, I'm actually both... sub and dom... when it came to how I treated him as a man I was sub, but when it came to business, I was dom... only because I was better at it than he was... I am very open minded and liberal... and I had no problem letting him do his own thing because by not putting the strings on him, he didn't feel the need to rebel against me... and in fact he stayed closer to me because he knew I wouldn't chase him or try to change or stop him... when he did cheat, he told me about it voluntarily, and I even encouraged him to do so after so many years together, so long as he wore protection, and didn't bring his business home, or let any of it affect me, he could do what he liked... he always brought his money home for me to manage and he made sure the bills were paid and we lived very comfortably due to his extra efforts... everybody has their own view of what dom/sub means to them... but another way to better aptly describe my personality is "passive aggressive"... equals >>> sub/dom... to me...

You allowed him to cheat? Did you also cheat? I call that an open marriage..sorry

Greg, if you do decide to take up this challenge, please create your own thread, so as not to get this one off topic... thanks...

no, I have never cheated on any man I've ever been with...

Venturing off a bit...I guess some women (and men) are influenced by their religious beliefs when it comes to the roles they feel they are suppose to play in their marriage...I was raised in the Catholic church. I never heard any talk about wives submitting to their husbands...Of course women still can't become priests and there are other issues going on in the Catholic church...I just wonder how many people are influenced by their religious beliefs when it comes to their roles in marriage.

Ephesians 5:22-25 and 28-33… Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word…”

28-33… So husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church…” For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Yes, my religious and biblical beliefs have a heavy influence over my conscious and conduct in many things… when I’m not letting my human nature and feelings have their sway…

Thanks...I wish we could get together "in-person" too and talk and have fun etc...I'm not sure if I'm good at "girl talk" or not!

Thanks for sharing the passages...It's different for me because I don't feel "bound" by religious beliefs...I'm more of a "golden rule" kind of person. I try to operate my life through "integrity." I've set "standards" and guidelines for myself through the years. And I "evaluate" my behavior on a regular basis to see how I am doing...Basically I tend to be an advocate for "fair and equal" treatment for all...My husband was this way too. When we met he had a "stop child abuse" sticker on his back bumper. And he was actively working to help women gain positions in the fire department.

The “Golden Rule” is biblical, spiritually based also… it's where the secular world drew their own lines around what they will do to follow it's precepts, and what they will discard so they don't have to adhere to the letter of the Law... as most find it to be too constrictive... and it is how I choose to live my life too...

Matthew 7:1-14

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with what measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces. Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!

Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”

Luke 6:27-38

“But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you. To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back.

And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.

But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that too you? For even sinners do the same.”

AthenaRose...Thanks for sharing more passages and quotes...It sounds like your faith brings you a lot of comfort and direction. And that's great.

yes ma'am... I was raised up in a strictly religious environment using the bible as our guide... and even though I have back slid and become 100% worldly and can sin like the best of us, my conscious will always nag me with the bible verses that if I'd followed might have saved me some serious grief that my errant actions brought on myself... we live and learn...

I probably operate from more of a psychology-based agenda...For example my Dad had periodic rage-attacks (every so often) when I was growing-up and "erupted" like a volcano. (And became "mean.")...He was a great Dad the rest of the time. (Playful, caring, logical etc.)...When I decided to have kids of my own I made a vow to pay attention to my daily and ongoing moods...I didn't want to "act-out" or "snap" at my kids just because I had a "bad hair day" at work..So I got in the habit of "monitoring" myself and my moods so I wouldn't "lash-out" (unfairly) at my kids or anyone..I'm a friendly person and can even be playful at times. But I never "flirt" with men because I don't want to give someone the wrong impression about my intentions...I guess I've just worked-out some guidelines for myself through the years. (Based on lessons I learned the "hard way" and my mistakes and how I've been treated by other people etc.)

gotcha...

And even though my "last" marriage was happy and rewarding I can see where I made some mistakes too..This is all part of the "growth process" to me...I try to look at what I feel I did "well" or "right."...And I definitely try to "own" and examine what I could have done "better." Or where I might have "gone wrong." (In any of my relationships. Or just in general.)...How can I improve? What do I need to "see" and learn? Am I wearing "blinders" in certain areas? (Sometimes I am!)...I miss having my husband and son around because we used to talk about this kind of "stuff" all the time! We all wanted to "grow!"

I understand, completely... sometimes I think I over analyze and am too hard on myself... I know perfection isn't possible, but for some reason I always seem to hold myself to a higher standard... when what I really want to do is let my hair down and have some fun... it's so easy to feel guilty tho... and I hate the fear or thought of punishment so much that getting out of line feels so impossible... I'm hoping now that I'm divorced and only have myself to answer too, that I can finally start to relax and go with the flow... but not get too carried away, going from one extreme to the other..

AthenaRose...I can relate to wanting and needing balance...When my husband and son were alive we had serious and interesting discussions...But we also played and had fun and "got nutty" too!...I'm having lunch with my widower neighbor today. We were suppose to have lunch on Valentine's Day but he postponed it to avoid the crowds...He came by last night and said he still wanted to go today...He's such a nice person but he seems a little obsessive-compulsive. Think he might have some social phobias...Anyway all his fears kind of made me apprehensive this morning...Time to chill out!

Little more...I wonder if people who need to play the dominant role are hidden control-freaks with obsessive-compulsive tendencies...We probably all have some of this in our nature...But some people can take it pretty far and insist on having things their way. (Most of the time.) ..And insist on (always) sitting in the driver's seat...A lot of it seems fear-based to me. As if the sky will "fall-in" if they don't remain in complete control...What do you think?

So True....Good Post !