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| Topic: DOMINANT vs. submissive, which one are you? | |
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So, are any of you willing to reveal your roles, and the expectations you have regarding your partners? My partner and I both handle the finances and business part. We both contribute to the household chores and outside chores. Partner takes care of the cars. We make all major decisions together, and if we disagree on anything He has the final say so. I do want to know where he is and what he is doing, we should not have too much time away from one another, because we are a Couple. I want a Strong man. I am somewhat dominate woman, when I am single, with a partner I become more submissive to him, in that I believe the man should be the head of the family. Imho I'm the same way, toody... when I'm single I take care of myself and live by my own rules... but, knowing that I readily slip into my role of submissive once I become involved in a relationship, I have to choose carefully, because I don't want to bite off more than I can chew... |
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If I am in a relationship, I'd expect both of us to share in dealing with finances, cooking, household chores and things like that. I have no interest in staying home and taking care of the house, so just like him, I'd be out making a living and would expect both of us to take care of things at home. hi sweet... a question if you don't mind answering plz.. you say that if you were in a relationship you would "expect" everything to be shared equally... but do you actually find men who go along with you on these issues, especially if it's a long term relationship? I have found that it keeps my sanity intact if I just go ahead and do what needs to be done so I'm not angry at him for being lazy and unhelpful, and he's happy with me because he doesn't have to do it himself.. but, as a reward for my willingness to serve, he also rewards me in various ways to show me how much he appreciates my efforts... and of course, his appreciation also brings me pleasure... so, it's not all bad being a submissive if we both have a clear understanding of our roles... |
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Ever since 50 Shades of Grey hit the market we’re occasionally touched on the various aspects of a submissive vs. dominant relationship. But I’d like to dig deeper into this mindset if you all feel comfortable talking about these issues, being forthright with your answers will be the only way to really see both sides clearly. And I know this topic might stir contention among our different beliefs and ways of life, but where there’s debate, new ideas can help us relate. I’ll begin by acknowledging that I have always been the submissive in a committed relationship, and it’s not because my dominant counterpart demanded this from me, but because I feel secure in my role and know what’s expected of me, which is... I bring an income into the relationship so that I am not totally dependent on my partner… I cook and clean and cater to his wants, desires, and needs… without complaining or nagging… I handle the bill paying… I buy the groceries and our clothes, both mine and his… I take care of all the animals brought home… I don’t argue, if he makes a point, I accept it…even though I’m the submissive, because I have earned his trust he gives me power within the relationship to make decisions about our financial dealings, including the handling and use of his income too, in other words, the dominant works, brings his paycheck home, grabs the remote, and comes and goes as he pleases... doing whatever he likes without my questioning him about where he’s going and what he does… granted, I already know what most of you are thinking about the way I handle things in a relationship, but being this way makes it possible for me to enjoy what I appreciate most… peace and happiness… and if my partner is satisfied with the way I treat him, he naturally wants to keep me satisfied in his own way too. Plus, what I’ve said so far is only part of what being a true submissive is really like, and I’ll only reveal more if this thread shows interest… So, are any of you willing to reveal your roles, and the expectations you have regarding your partners? I am adaptable, I prefer to have the head of the household be the male, but not to the point of being a slave or door mat IF he is trustworthy and intelligent and loving enough to be head of household,,,the term really just applies to our family unit with children I dont expect any male to 'dominate' me, but I do expect to be able to respect them enough to trust their decisions when they are made in love,,,,and I expect us to 'help' each other hi msharmony... I understand your willingness to be adaptable... while not wanting to feel like a slave or a doormat... and it's the rewards granted for being amenable that keeps my willingness to perform at it's maximum level... 
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My husband and I were best friends and equals. So "talk" about dominant and submissive always seem foreign to me...I feel like an alien from some far-off planet when dominant/submissive discussions come up. Dominance/submissive are just descriptive words used to define the roles men and women have been practicing in their relationships since the beginning of time... even in relationships where both partners are 100% equal, which is rare, there are roles assumed, even if they aren't verbalized, that each gender carries out... |
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I wouldn't want my marriage to feel like a "prison" where I got "punished" for daring to step out of "line."...And I wouldn't want to "punish" my husband either...I wouldn't want to be in a parent/child type of relationship or a king/slave type of relationship...This stuff seems foreign and outdated to me...My husband and I enjoyed being equal partners and neither one of us needed to be the "head" or "boss."...We both took pride in being well-rounded and skilled when it came to sharing all the chores that needed to be done around the house...We didn't want to be "stuck" in "set roles." Or confined to a small "little corner."
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My husband and I were best friends and equals. So "talk" about dominant and submissive always seem foreign to me...I feel like an alien from some far-off planet when dominant/submissive discussions come up. Dominance/submissive are just descriptive words used to define the roles men and women have been practicing in their relationships since the beginning of time... even in relationships where both partners are 100% equal, which is rare, there are roles assumed, even if they aren't verbalized, that each gender carries out... |
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I wouldn't want my marriage to feel like a "prison" where I got "punished" for daring to step out of "line."...And I wouldn't want to "punish" my husband either...I wouldn't want to be in a parent/child type of relationship or a king/slave type of relationship...This stuff seems foreign and outdated to me...My husband and I enjoyed being equal partners and neither one of us needed to be the "head" or "boss."...We both took pride in being well-rounded and skilled when it came to sharing all the chores that needed to be done around the house...We didn't want to be "stuck" in "set roles." Or confined to a small "little corner." Greeneyes... you would have to experience the type of roles that I'm talking about that apply strictly to my own personal experience.. each couple has their own rules/roles they portray depending on what they are prefer. I know that when I speak of punishment, it is not what you think it is... it's not about pain, deprivation, or suffering... it is not a parent/child relationship... and my partner does do his share of the chores when he has time off work... the point I'm making in the description of my role is that I do whatever it takes to keep my house running smoothly and calmly... to keep my man happy because even though I do contribute financially to our union, he is the major bread winner, and does deserve to be able to relax when he's at home... if he wants to busy himself with household chores on his time off, sure it's helpful to me, and I appreciate it... but if he's had a hard week and just wants to go fishing or run around with his friends, then I have no complaints because I've got everything under control at home... and he only intervenes with how I run things if I need or ask for his help... |
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If I am in a relationship, I'd expect both of us to share in dealing with finances, cooking, household chores and things like that. I have no interest in staying home and taking care of the house, so just like him, I'd be out making a living and would expect both of us to take care of things at home. hi sweet... a question if you don't mind answering plz.. you say that if you were in a relationship you would "expect" everything to be shared equally... but do you actually find men who go along with you on these issues, especially if it's a long term relationship? I have found that it keeps my sanity intact if I just go ahead and do what needs to be done so I'm not angry at him for being lazy and unhelpful, and he's happy with me because he doesn't have to do it himself.. but, as a reward for my willingness to serve, he also rewards me in various ways to show me how much he appreciates my efforts... and of course, his appreciation also brings me pleasure... so, it's not all bad being a submissive if we both have a clear understanding of our roles... I have found men like that. I also don't put up with having to clean up after someone else, though. |
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There needs to be room for both types in relationships, no?
In the emotional aspect, one has to be willing to bend either way. In an emergency situation, the dominant one would be the one who keeps their head. Sexually, again, room for both types. And, it kinda' depends on how tight her grip is. I can get submissive pretty easy.
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AthenaRose...Well it's definitely important for a family to have enough income to survive. I can relate to this...My husband usually made more money than I did but we didn't base it all on who brought in the most...Work is work and we both came home tired. And this is why we both pitched in to shop and cook and get the chores done after work...When the chores were done we could both sit down and relax and enjoy the night together...My husband didn't want to sit around and "stick me" with everything. And I didn't want to "stick" him with everything either...We got things done fast when we both worked together and enjoyed being a "well-oiled team!"...Wages aren't always fair and equal in our country. Some people work very hard and don't get paid much. And other people have easier days and earn higher salaries.
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There needs to be room for both types in relationships, no? In the emotional aspect, one has to be willing to bend either way. In an emergency situation, the dominant one would be the one who keeps their head. Sexually, again, room for both types. And, it kinda' depends on how tight her grip is. I can get submissive pretty easy. You don't think a less dominant person would be able to keep their head in an emergency situation? Being dominant or submissive sexually is much different than being dominant or submissive in a relationship all the time. |
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There needs to be room for both types in relationships, no? In the emotional aspect, one has to be willing to bend either way. In an emergency situation, the dominant one would be the one who keeps their head. Sexually, again, room for both types. And, it kinda' depends on how tight her grip is. I can get submissive pretty easy. You don't think a less dominant person would be able to keep their head in an emergency situation? Being dominant or submissive sexually is much different than being dominant or submissive in a relationship all the time. No need to attempt coming across as condescending. I stated "FLEXABILITY". |
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If I am in a relationship, I'd expect both of us to share in dealing with finances, cooking, household chores and things like that. I have no interest in staying home and taking care of the house, so just like him, I'd be out making a living and would expect both of us to take care of things at home. hi sweet... a question if you don't mind answering plz.. you say that if you were in a relationship you would "expect" everything to be shared equally... but do you actually find men who go along with you on these issues, especially if it's a long term relationship? I have found that it keeps my sanity intact if I just go ahead and do what needs to be done so I'm not angry at him for being lazy and unhelpful, and he's happy with me because he doesn't have to do it himself.. but, as a reward for my willingness to serve, he also rewards me in various ways to show me how much he appreciates my efforts... and of course, his appreciation also brings me pleasure... so, it's not all bad being a submissive if we both have a clear understanding of our roles... I have found men like that. I also don't put up with having to clean up after someone else, though. I get you on the picking up afters... when they start disrobing at the front door leaving a trail for me to follow...  or taking things out of where they go and then not putting them back after they've finished with it..  or fixing me a deliciously fine meal, then leaving all the kitchen duty for my clean up... what's up with that...  and for some reason, when a man cooks, they have to empty every cupboard and drawer looking for things, then dirtying them... when all we women need is a pot, lid, and stirring spoon to create a masterpiece... 
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Edited by
AthenaRose2
on
Tue 02/19/13 08:34 AM
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My husband and I were best friends and equals. So "talk" about dominant and submissive always seem foreign to me...I feel like an alien from some far-off planet when dominant/submissive discussions come up. Dominance/submissive are just descriptive words used to define the roles men and women have been practicing in their relationships since the beginning of time... even in relationships where both partners are 100% equal, which is rare, there are roles assumed, even if they aren't verbalized, that each gender carries out... Well rounded... well, I better round up all the clothes cuz it's wash day...  well, I better round up all the dishes now that the guests have left... well, I better round up all the kids cuz it's time for baths and bed...  yea.. I know how to behave well rounded too... 
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There needs to be room for both types in relationships, no? In the emotional aspect, one has to be willing to bend either way. In an emergency situation, the dominant one would be the one who keeps their head. Sexually, again, room for both types. And, it kinda' depends on how tight her grip is. I can get submissive pretty easy. You don't think a less dominant person would be able to keep their head in an emergency situation? Being dominant or submissive sexually is much different than being dominant or submissive in a relationship all the time. No need to attempt coming across as condescending. I stated "FLEXABILITY". I wasn't trying to be condescending. I was asking you about the less dominant one in an emergency situation and wondering why you'd assume just the dominant one would be able to keep their head. |
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I think in most happy relationships, the rolls my change from time to time given the circumstances. Maybe I don't clean things around the house the way she'd like. So, in that area she may dominate (or nag me about it LOL). But, she doesn't know the first things about maintaining a car. So, I'd be the one in charge of that area.
Each one giving control to the partner with the greater expertise in a given area. They're still equal partners. But, I still think there comes a point where one must submit and the other dominate. Otherwise, you'll reach an impasse and it's all over. |
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There needs to be room for both types in relationships, no? In the emotional aspect, one has to be willing to bend either way. In an emergency situation, the dominant one would be the one who keeps their head. Sexually, again, room for both types. And, it kinda' depends on how tight her grip is. I can get submissive pretty easy. depends on how tight her grip is.. I can get submissive pretty easy... you're just to funny, willing2
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AthenaRose...Well it's definitely important for a family to have enough income to survive. I can relate to this...My husband usually made more money than I did but we didn't base it all on who brought in the most...Work is work and we both came home tired. And this is why we both pitched in to shop and cook and get the chores done after work...When the chores were done we could both sit down and relax and enjoy the night together...My husband didn't want to sit around and "stick me" with everything. And I didn't want to "stick" him with everything either...We got things done fast when we both worked together and enjoyed being a "well-oiled team!"...Wages aren't always fair and equal in our country. Some people work very hard and don't get paid much. And other people have easier days and earn higher salaries. I really admire the relationship that you and your husband had, it truly sounds like one in a million... and it's a shame that all of us here on Mingle looking for new partners can't expect to find a relationship like the one you had, very easily... since I've been on dating sites I've heard more about people that have met on here, and didn't care for each other, or if they did hit it off at first, they broke up just as quickly, instead of the success stories we'd hope to be able to hear more about too... |
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I think in most happy relationships, the rolls my change from time to time given the circumstances. Maybe I don't clean things around the house the way she'd like. So, in that area she may dominate (or nag me about it LOL). But, she doesn't know the first things about maintaining a car. So, I'd be the one in charge of that area. Each one giving control to the partner with the greater expertise in a given area. They're still equal partners. But, I still think there comes a point where one must submit and the other dominate. Otherwise, you'll reach an impasse and it's all over. I can appreciate your position, Scoundrel... it just amazes me that as soon as the words dominant and submissive are mentioned, defenses can go up, sides can be taken... when in every single relationship of any couple, there are unspoken roles we naturally follow that allows men to be dominant and women to be submissive... I dare say even in gay unions, there are dominant and submissive roles to be undertaken... and I don't understand why, as the generations have progressed and our cultures have evolved to where getting married isn't even the norm anymore, as women have become head of households, and men have been delegated to second class if they don't make enough money.. it's like that's what men have become in our society... a means to an end... they aren't leaders of our families who we rely on for affection, guidance and support.. me personally, I love being a woman who keeps my home in order the way I like it, and yet I still need my man to look after me, even while he let's me have my way, because he understands my complexity as a woman and knows that at times I do need his guidance.. and I'm not ashamed to admit it, or to proud to accept it when it's provided... |
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In traditional relationships each spouse seems to have an assigned "turf" or "domain." Everything is kept separate...In non-traditional relationships everything is open and free....There are no "turfs" or "territories" or lines drawn in the sand...I didn't wrap my identity around being the "only cook" in the family or the only one who did laundry etc...My husband didn't wrap his identity around being the only "plumber" or mechanic in the family...Since we didn't "do turfs" we both felt free to venture into any area and it felt good to be part of a team and have company!...All of this seems perfectly normal to me. My parents had this type of marriage and their friends did too. But I guess it's not normal for everyone...Have to go now and do some "work." (Hard work but I'm pretty "tough!")...Thanks for the interesting discussion. I'll check back later.
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