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| Topic: DOMINANT vs. submissive, which one are you? | |
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AthenaRose...I can relate to wanting and needing balance...When my husband and son were alive we had serious and interesting discussions...But we also played and had fun and "got nutty" too!...I'm having lunch with my widower neighbor today. We were suppose to have lunch on Valentine's Day but he postponed it to avoid the crowds...He came by last night and said he still wanted to go today...He's such a nice person but he seems a little obsessive-compulsive. Think he might have some social phobias...Anyway all his fears kind of made me apprehensive this morning...Time to chill out! That's how me and my family interacts, so serious about learning and growing, mostly being glad we each survive our own old and new mistakes, but so playful and able to laugh at ourselves too, and I miss not being able to relate to anyone else this same way... I remember you said he had invited you for V-day, but when you didn't spill later, I thought plans might have changed.. so you are going to take him up on his offer then... well, don't get too stressed out and remember just to play it by ear... cause he's probably as nervous as you are... but it's so cool thinking of the two of you getting past this awkward stage and becoming running buddies, if nothing else... have fun... 
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Venturing off a bit...I guess some women (and men) are influenced by their religious beliefs when it comes to the roles they feel they are suppose to play in their marriage...I was raised in the Catholic church. I never heard any talk about wives submitting to their husbands...Of course women still can't become priests and there are other issues going on in the Catholic church...I just wonder how many people are influenced by their religious beliefs when it comes to their roles in marriage. Ephesians 5:22-25 and 28-33… Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word…” 28-33… So husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church…” For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Yes, my religious and biblical beliefs have a heavy influence over my conscious and conduct in many things… when I’m not letting my human nature and feelings have their sway… The “Golden Rule” is biblical, spiritually based also… it's where the secular world drew their own lines around what they will do to follow it's precepts, and what they will discard so they don't have to adhere to the letter of the Law... as most find it to be too constrictive... and it is how I choose to live my life too... Matthew 7:1-14 “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with what measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces. Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him! Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” Luke 6:27-38 “But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you. To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back. And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that too you? For even sinners do the same.” So True....Good Post ! 
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Edited by
AthenaRose2
on
Thu 02/21/13 01:44 PM
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Little more...I wonder if people who need to play the dominant role are hidden control-freaks with obsessive-compulsive tendencies...We probably all have some of this in our nature...But some people can take it pretty far and insist on having things their way. (Most of the time.) ..And insist on (always) sitting in the driver's seat...A lot of it seems fear-based to me. As if the sky will "fall-in" if they don't remain in complete control...What do you think? I think that how we conduct ourselves is instinctively based on a number of factors, such as education level, religious belief, family values/morals, and on our particular role in any given relationship, such as parent/child… teacher/student… pastor/parishioner… husband/wife… male/female… etc… in every relationship there is a certain amount of dominance required to maintain control and provide guidance… are there narcissistic individuals who will misuse the control/power they have over others to make their own lives easier… yes… are there emotionally injured/insecure individuals who feel safer if they can control what’s in their environment… yes… are there natural born leaders that almost everyone approves of and they effortlessly wield the power they are afforded to do good by others… yes… is it natural for us to fear losing some control over our lives when our feelings are involved in personal relationships… yes… when threatened, does the instinct to survive kick in and give us the power we need to master the fear and overcome the obstacle… yes… I think that we humans are a complex lot… and there are those who are better at leading… and those who do better following… imho |
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Little more...I wonder if people who need to play the dominant role are hidden control-freaks with obsessive-compulsive tendencies...We probably all have some of this in our nature...But some people can take it pretty far and insist on having things their way. (Most of the time.) ..And insist on (always) sitting in the driver's seat...A lot of it seems fear-based to me. As if the sky will "fall-in" if they don't remain in complete control...What do you think? I think that how we conduct ourselves is instinctively based on a number of factors, such as education level, religious belief, family values/morals, and on our particular role in any given relationship, such as parent/child… teacher/student… pastor/parishioner… husband/wife… male/female… etc… in every relationship there is a certain amount of dominance required to maintain control and provide guidance… are there narcissistic individuals who will misuse the control/power they have over others to make their own lives easier… yes… are there emotionally injured/insecure individuals who feel safer if they can control what’s in their environment… yes… are there natural born leaders that almost everyone approves of and they effortlessly wield the power they are afforded to do good by others… yes… is it natural for us to fear losing some control over our lives when our feelings are involved in personal relationships… yes… when threatened, does the instinct to survive kick in and give us the power we need to master the fear and overcome the obstacle… yes… I think that we humans are a complex lot… and there are those who are better at leading… and those who do better following… imho |
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Loner. Don't like to dominate or be dominated. My main objective to control is space since my social qualities are in short supply. Having been down the road of high quantity " togetherness" I can attest to the watered down version being underwhelming. Mutual respect is high on my code of ethics to summarize.
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AthenaRose...I "survived" lunch with my widowed neighbor and did okay...He's a nice man...I was surprised at how outgoing (and talkative) he was with the people around us.(When we were standing in line to eat at the buffet.) He has an interesting and varied background...We were surrounded by friendly "snowbird" couples and this was nice...Some thought we were married at first...He's a nice man and he "means well."...I'm glad to be back home in my own little "cave" again.
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in intimacy I am submissive but my dominant man must be very gentle. I will not respond to any type of harch treatment or loud, abusive language, being rushed, or demanding statements.
Outside of the bedroom...neither dominant and certainly not at all submissive - that's strictly bed play stuff |
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Little more...I wonder if people who need to play the dominant role are hidden control-freaks with obsessive-compulsive tendencies...We probably all have some of this in our nature...But some people can take it pretty far and insist on having things their way. (Most of the time.) ..And insist on (always) sitting in the driver's seat...A lot of it seems fear-based to me. As if the sky will "fall-in" if they don't remain in complete control...What do you think? I think that how we conduct ourselves is instinctively based on a number of factors, such as education level, religious belief, family values/morals, and on our particular role in any given relationship, such as parent/child… teacher/student… pastor/parishioner… husband/wife… male/female… etc… in every relationship there is a certain amount of dominance required to maintain control and provide guidance… are there narcissistic individuals who will misuse the control/power they have over others to make their own lives easier… yes… are there emotionally injured/insecure individuals who feel safer if they can control what’s in their environment… yes… are there natural born leaders that almost everyone approves of and they effortlessly wield the power they are afforded to do good by others… yes… is it natural for us to fear losing some control over our lives when our feelings are involved in personal relationships… yes… when threatened, does the instinct to survive kick in and give us the power we need to master the fear and overcome the obstacle… yes… I think that we humans are a complex lot… and there are those who are better at leading… and those who do better following… imho Good post...I've run into some narcissistic individuals (throughout my lifetime) who wanted everyone around them to "fit" and adhere to their image...My older son married a woman from a wealthy and very narcissistic family. His wife was a "big-wig" in the entertainment industry...Anyway my son's MIL told him to tell me to put my Dad in a high-status nursing home for Alzheimer patients in a higher-status city near her...My son's MIL had never met my Dad and she had no interest in meeting him or ever going to visit him...She just wanted anyone who was even remotely associated with her to fit her image...My Dad was in a nursing home in his longtime hometown and very happy and content there...I asked my son if he had gone through a "Stepford" brainwashing machine for husbands and son-in-laws and lost his mind or ?....Needless to say I kept my Dad in his existing nursing home where he was happy and felt at "home." When I was a little girl, seen but never heard, the adult world around me made a very distinct and indelible impression that showed my mind at that early stage of my life what kind of grown up I wanted to be. Having excessive money and power adversely affects the human heart and keeps us apart... I'm glad your father wasn't removed from the comforts of home that he was most familiar with just to appease your son's MIL. Position and power can far to easily consume us, in the end we have to leave it behind, and our souls along with it... |
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The bible says wife submit to your husband and husband love your wife Submission is what a woman must do. If you don't love your wife she will not submit to you and if you don,t submit to your husband you will not have peace at home.
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Little more...I wonder if people who need to play the dominant role are hidden control-freaks with obsessive-compulsive tendencies...We probably all have some of this in our nature...But some people can take it pretty far and insist on having things their way. (Most of the time.) ..And insist on (always) sitting in the driver's seat...A lot of it seems fear-based to me. As if the sky will "fall-in" if they don't remain in complete control...What do you think? I think that how we conduct ourselves is instinctively based on a number of factors, such as education level, religious belief, family values/morals, and on our particular role in any given relationship, such as parent/child… teacher/student… pastor/parishioner… husband/wife… male/female… etc… in every relationship there is a certain amount of dominance required to maintain control and provide guidance… are there narcissistic individuals who will misuse the control/power they have over others to make their own lives easier… yes… are there emotionally injured/insecure individuals who feel safer if they can control what’s in their environment… yes… are there natural born leaders that almost everyone approves of and they effortlessly wield the power they are afforded to do good by others… yes… is it natural for us to fear losing some control over our lives when our feelings are involved in personal relationships… yes… when threatened, does the instinct to survive kick in and give us the power we need to master the fear and overcome the obstacle… yes… I think that we humans are a complex lot… and there are those who are better at leading… and those who do better following… imho Good post...I've run into some narcissistic individuals (throughout my lifetime) who wanted everyone around them to "fit" and adhere to their image...My older son married a woman from a wealthy and very narcissistic family. His wife was a "big-wig" in the entertainment industry...Anyway my son's MIL told him to tell me to put my Dad in a high-status nursing home for Alzheimer patients in a higher-status city near her...My son's MIL had never met my Dad and she had no interest in meeting him or ever going to visit him...She just wanted anyone who was even remotely associated with her to fit her image...My Dad was in a nursing home in his longtime hometown and very happy and content there...I asked my son if he had gone through a "Stepford" brainwashing machine for husbands and son-in-laws and lost his mind or ?....Needless to say I kept my Dad in his existing nursing home where he was happy and felt at "home." When I was a little girl, seen but never heard, the adult world around me made a very distinct and indelible impression that showed my mind at that early stage of my life what kind of grown up I wanted to be. Having excessive money and power adversely affects the human heart and keeps us apart... I'm glad your father wasn't removed from the comforts of home that he was most familiar with just to appease your son's MIL. Position and power can far to easily consume us, in the end we have to leave it behind, and our souls along with it... |
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The bible says wife submit to your husband and husband love your wife Submission is what a woman must do. If you don't love your wife she will not submit to you and if you don,t submit to your husband you will not have peace at home. yes, God meant for men and women to love and respect each other as they become one person in mind and spirit... so, if two people in a marriage don't follow these basic guidelines, their relationship is hard to maintain... imho |
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AthenaRose...I "survived" lunch with my widowed neighbor and did okay...He's a nice man...I was surprised at how outgoing (and talkative) he was with the people around us.(When we were standing in line to eat at the buffet.) He has an interesting and varied background...We were surrounded by friendly "snowbird" couples and this was nice...Some thought we were married at first...He's a nice man and he "means well."...I'm glad to be back home in my own little "cave" again. |
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Little more...I wonder if people who need to play the dominant role are hidden control-freaks with obsessive-compulsive tendencies...We probably all have some of this in our nature...But some people can take it pretty far and insist on having things their way. (Most of the time.) ..And insist on (always) sitting in the driver's seat...A lot of it seems fear-based to me. As if the sky will "fall-in" if they don't remain in complete control...What do you think? I think that how we conduct ourselves is instinctively based on a number of factors, such as education level, religious belief, family values/morals, and on our particular role in any given relationship, such as parent/child… teacher/student… pastor/parishioner… husband/wife… male/female… etc… in every relationship there is a certain amount of dominance required to maintain control and provide guidance… are there narcissistic individuals who will misuse the control/power they have over others to make their own lives easier… yes… are there emotionally injured/insecure individuals who feel safer if they can control what’s in their environment… yes… are there natural born leaders that almost everyone approves of and they effortlessly wield the power they are afforded to do good by others… yes… is it natural for us to fear losing some control over our lives when our feelings are involved in personal relationships… yes… when threatened, does the instinct to survive kick in and give us the power we need to master the fear and overcome the obstacle… yes… I think that we humans are a complex lot… and there are those who are better at leading… and those who do better following… imho Good post...I've run into some narcissistic individuals (throughout my lifetime) who wanted everyone around them to "fit" and adhere to their image...My older son married a woman from a wealthy and very narcissistic family. His wife was a "big-wig" in the entertainment industry...Anyway my son's MIL told him to tell me to put my Dad in a high-status nursing home for Alzheimer patients in a higher-status city near her...My son's MIL had never met my Dad and she had no interest in meeting him or ever going to visit him...She just wanted anyone who was even remotely associated with her to fit her image...My Dad was in a nursing home in his longtime hometown and very happy and content there...I asked my son if he had gone through a "Stepford" brainwashing machine for husbands and son-in-laws and lost his mind or ?....Needless to say I kept my Dad in his existing nursing home where he was happy and felt at "home." When I was a little girl, seen but never heard, the adult world around me made a very distinct and indelible impression that showed my mind at that early stage of my life what kind of grown up I wanted to be. Having excessive money and power adversely affects the human heart and keeps us apart... I'm glad your father wasn't removed from the comforts of home that he was most familiar with just to appease your son's MIL. Position and power can far to easily consume us, in the end we have to leave it behind, and our souls along with it... My heart aches at the thought of his life's hard lessons learned, Claire... but I'm so glad he had you there to love him through it all.. bless your heart... 
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if i click with a person and the chemistry is the same on both sides .a bit of spanking and hair pulling least of worries because gonna be so many broken pictures and ornaments she will need buy some kevlar lingerie. than lace lol
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if i click with a person and the chemistry is the same on both sides .a bit of spanking and hair pulling least of worries because gonna be so many broken pictures and ornaments she will need buy some kevlar lingerie. than lace lol I get the picture, lunchbox... even though I have to sweep the pieces up off the floor... 
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And here I was thinking this was about type A or type B personalities. I can be naive at times, for an ornery ol' cuss.
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And here I was thinking this was about type A or type B personalities. I can be naive at times, for an ornery ol' cuss. don't get riled on me now, hippie, you are correct, but I was showing a little leniency cuz lunchbox is a newbie, and I didn't feel like being dominant today... instead, I chose flirty... shame on me.. 
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Well I be dominant in intimacy too...although a little role swapping is all in good fun!
I don't really have a type A personality, people just gravitate to me in leadership positioning. Must be my military background? |
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Well I be dominant in intimacy too...although a little role swapping is all in good fun! I don't really have a type A personality, people just gravitate to me in leadership positioning. Must be my military background? really, which branch? |
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Well I be dominant in intimacy too...although a little role swapping is all in good fun! I don't really have a type A personality, people just gravitate to me in leadership positioning. Must be my military background? really, which branch? Army. |
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