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| Topic: DOMINANT vs. submissive, which one are you? | |
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A Dom.    Nice to see you around.  MUAHHHHH  *Takes little sexy Domme bow*....snickers
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I think in most happy relationships, the rolls my change from time to time given the circumstances. Maybe I don't clean things around the house the way she'd like. So, in that area she may dominate (or nag me about it LOL). But, she doesn't know the first things about maintaining a car. So, I'd be the one in charge of that area. Each one giving control to the partner with the greater expertise in a given area. They're still equal partners. But, I still think there comes a point where one must submit and the other dominate. Otherwise, you'll reach an impasse and it's all over. I can appreciate your position, Scoundrel... it just amazes me that as soon as the words dominant and submissive are mentioned, defenses can go up, sides can be taken... when in every single relationship of any couple, there are unspoken roles we naturally follow that allows men to be dominant and women to be submissive... I dare say even in gay unions, there are dominant and submissive roles to be undertaken... and I don't understand why, as the generations have progressed and our cultures have evolved to where getting married isn't even the norm anymore, as women have become head of households, and men have been delegated to second class if they don't make enough money.. it's like that's what men have become in our society... a means to an end... they aren't leaders of our families who we rely on for affection, guidance and support.. me personally, I love being a woman who keeps my home in order the way I like it, and yet I still need my man to look after me, even while he let's me have my way, because he understands my complexity as a woman and knows that at times I do need his guidance.. and I'm not ashamed to admit it, or to proud to accept it when it's provided... I think gay couples are more honest about it. Among the ones I know they readily acknowledge one partner is the Dom and the other the sub. They recognize this is a component of a healthy relationship. It's only us straight couples that have these equality issues. so sad, but so true... Maybe I'm just not understanding what you mean, but what's sad about equality? true equality is to be lauded, and I would like to see the living examples that will convince me of it's actual existence for all females... until unquestionable equality of girls and women has been reached and is commonplace in our cultures, I elect as a female to interact with my man by giving of myself for his happiness just as he will do likewise for me, or else he won't be with me... |
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true equality is to be lauded, and I would like to see the living examples that will convince me of it's actual existence for all females... until unquestionable equality of girls and women has been reached and is commonplace in our cultures, I elect as a female to interact with my man by giving of myself for his happiness just as he will do likewise for me, or else he won't be with me... So, you don't believe that equality exists for women? Am I understanding that correctly? What do you think exists, then? |
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I think most people don't understand the meaning of Dominant/submissive. Taking the lead is not the same. A Dominant person doesn't care what the submissive person wants. A dominant person will tell you who can be your friends, what to wear, what to eat, and you are treated like a second class citizen. Like Willing said; you are open to abuse. Definition of dominant: ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence. That is not leadership; that is abuse. Definition of submissive: inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient. If a guy was dominant; he would not be asking his girlfriend/wife/partner if he can go out with his friends; he just would; or would not discuss money matters with her; he would just spend it as he sees fit. A successful relation is not run on dictatorship but working together; therefore unless the person is controlled like a puppet; there is no Dominant/Submissive relationship. In relationships; no matter who makes the decision; there will be discussion or input from the other so how can one claim to be dominant? This whole term is not used properly when describing a relationship. One can lead or make decisions but that doesn't make him dominant; just a leader. A dominant person will never; I repeat never let their partner make a decision or have any input. I saw first hand this type of relationship with my mother and it was hell for her. How can we conclude that every dominant person doesn't care and that they will misuse their control and influence to abuse others. No where in the definitions you cited does it infer this... and if you are using your mother's experience as the criteria for your belief that everyone on earth acts exactly like the rest, then I would cite many relationships where the dominant is a human being with feelings and understanding and does not rule his loved ones with an iron fist that would breed only hatred of them... |
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I think most people don't understand the meaning of Dominant/submissive. Taking the lead is not the same. A Dominant person doesn't care what the submissive person wants. A dominant person will tell you who can be your friends, what to wear, what to eat, and you are treated like a second class citizen. Like Willing said; you are open to abuse. Definition of dominant: ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence. That is not leadership; that is abuse. Definition of submissive: inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient. If a guy was dominant; he would not be asking his girlfriend/wife/partner if he can go out with his friends; he just would; or would not discuss money matters with her; he would just spend it as he sees fit. A successful relation is not run on dictatorship but working together; therefore unless the person is controlled like a puppet; there is no Dominant/Submissive relationship. This whole term is not used properly when describing a relationship. One can lead or make decisions but that doesn't make him dominant; just a leader. No, what you describe in NOT a Dominate. What you are describing is domineering. The difference is vast. I good leader takes into account the needs of his/her follower(s). A person can be Dominate without being domineering. Submission is NEVER forced. Submission is a gift from a submissive that can be taken away at any time. A sub submits only to someone that has earned his/her respect. thank you, Scoundrel, for explaining things that are difficult for those not experienced to understand and appreciate... |
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Edited by
2KidsMom
on
Tue 02/19/13 02:09 PM
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ummmmm ....was just reading....I am in no way shape or form like that....I thought we were talking about sex.
 although on an after thought...I would say both...
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Edited by
navygirl
on
Tue 02/19/13 02:11 PM
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I think most people don't understand the meaning of Dominant/submissive. Taking the lead is not the same. A Dominant person doesn't care what the submissive person wants. A dominant person will tell you who can be your friends, what to wear, what to eat, and you are treated like a second class citizen. Like Willing said; you are open to abuse. Definition of dominant: ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence. That is not leadership; that is abuse. Definition of submissive: inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient. If a guy was dominant; he would not be asking his girlfriend/wife/partner if he can go out with his friends; he just would; or would not discuss money matters with her; he would just spend it as he sees fit. A successful relation is not run on dictatorship but working together; therefore unless the person is controlled like a puppet; there is no Dominant/Submissive relationship. In relationships; no matter who makes the decision; there will be discussion or input from the other so how can one claim to be dominant? This whole term is not used properly when describing a relationship. One can lead or make decisions but that doesn't make him dominant; just a leader. A dominant person will never; I repeat never let their partner make a decision or have any input. I saw first hand this type of relationship with my mother and it was hell for her. How can we conclude that every dominant person doesn't care and that they will misuse their control and influence to abuse others. No where in the definitions you cited does it infer this... and if you are using your mother's experience as the criteria for your belief that everyone on earth acts exactly like the rest, then I would cite many relationships where the dominant is a human being with feelings and understanding and does not rule his loved ones with an iron fist that would breed only hatred of them... I just used my mom as an example. The definition dominant is: ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence. I think most people confuse leadership with dominant. I am just saying the use of the word in not used in its correct content. Does that make sense to you? |
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I'm too aggressive to be submissive I prefer to be submissive, but I can be aggressive when necessary.. my daddy didn't raise no fool... 
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I'm dominate I like to throat **** my girlfriend then bend her over and pound her *****! Wow! I certainly didn't see this kind of control defined under the role of Dominant... maybe the two of you would like to get a room... 
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A Dom. hi 2kids... it's nice to see you again...
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A Dom. Nice to see you around. MUAHHHHH *Takes little sexy Domme bow*....snickers yes.. you have been missed... 
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true equality is to be lauded, and I would like to see the living examples that will convince me of it's actual existence for all females... until unquestionable equality of girls and women has been reached and is commonplace in our cultures, I elect as a female to interact with my man by giving of myself for his happiness just as he will do likewise for me, or else he won't be with me... So, you don't believe that equality exists for women? Am I understanding that correctly? What do you think exists, then? I know for a fact that equality DOES NOT exist for ALL women.. women who are treated as equals earn that privilege, it is not bestowed on them as a birthright... |
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true equality is to be lauded, and I would like to see the living examples that will convince me of it's actual existence for all females... until unquestionable equality of girls and women has been reached and is commonplace in our cultures, I elect as a female to interact with my man by giving of myself for his happiness just as he will do likewise for me, or else he won't be with me... So, you don't believe that equality exists for women? Am I understanding that correctly? What do you think exists, then? I know for a fact that equality DOES NOT exist for ALL women.. women who are treated as equals earn that privilege, it is not bestowed on them as a birthright... So you feel that you haven't earned the privilege to be treated as an equal? |
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I think most people don't understand the meaning of Dominant/submissive. Taking the lead is not the same. A Dominant person doesn't care what the submissive person wants. A dominant person will tell you who can be your friends, what to wear, what to eat, and you are treated like a second class citizen. Like Willing said; you are open to abuse. Definition of dominant: ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence. That is not leadership; that is abuse. Definition of submissive: inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient. If a guy was dominant; he would not be asking his girlfriend/wife/partner if he can go out with his friends; he just would; or would not discuss money matters with her; he would just spend it as he sees fit. A successful relation is not run on dictatorship but working together; therefore unless the person is controlled like a puppet; there is no Dominant/Submissive relationship. In relationships; no matter who makes the decision; there will be discussion or input from the other so how can one claim to be dominant? This whole term is not used properly when describing a relationship. One can lead or make decisions but that doesn't make him dominant; just a leader. A dominant person will never; I repeat never let their partner make a decision or have any input. I saw first hand this type of relationship with my mother and it was hell for her. How can we conclude that every dominant person doesn't care and that they will misuse their control and influence to abuse others. No where in the definitions you cited does it infer this... and if you are using your mother's experience as the criteria for your belief that everyone on earth acts exactly like the rest, then I would cite many relationships where the dominant is a human being with feelings and understanding and does not rule his loved ones with an iron fist that would breed only hatred of them... I just used my mom as an example. The definition dominant is: ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence. I think most people confuse leadership with dominant. I am just saying the use of the word in not used in its correct content. Does that make sense to you? I'll concede to your definition. But, I'd like to point out a word that's NOT in it. It doesn't say abusive. |
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I think most people don't understand the meaning of Dominant/submissive. Taking the lead is not the same. A Dominant person doesn't care what the submissive person wants. A dominant person will tell you who can be your friends, what to wear, what to eat, and you are treated like a second class citizen. Like Willing said; you are open to abuse. Definition of dominant: ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence. That is not leadership; that is abuse. Definition of submissive: inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient. If a guy was dominant; he would not be asking his girlfriend/wife/partner if he can go out with his friends; he just would; or would not discuss money matters with her; he would just spend it as he sees fit. A successful relation is not run on dictatorship but working together; therefore unless the person is controlled like a puppet; there is no Dominant/Submissive relationship. In relationships; no matter who makes the decision; there will be discussion or input from the other so how can one claim to be dominant? This whole term is not used properly when describing a relationship. One can lead or make decisions but that doesn't make him dominant; just a leader. A dominant person will never; I repeat never let their partner make a decision or have any input. I saw first hand this type of relationship with my mother and it was hell for her. How can we conclude that every dominant person doesn't care and that they will misuse their control and influence to abuse others. No where in the definitions you cited does it infer this... and if you are using your mother's experience as the criteria for your belief that everyone on earth acts exactly like the rest, then I would cite many relationships where the dominant is a human being with feelings and understanding and does not rule his loved ones with an iron fist that would breed only hatred of them... I just used my mom as an example. The definition dominant is: ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence. I think most people confuse leadership with dominant. I am just saying the use of the word in not used in its correct content. Does that make sense to you? yes.. the definition of dominant is: ruling, governing, or controlling, having or exerting authority or influence,, this is the definition you provided to back up the theory that I am an easy target for abuse... when no where in these definitions does it even imply that the dominant factors are using their power to abuse or harm... and I can honestly say that I'm shocked to learn that by a woman being a woman and treating her man like he's her man and vice versa this makes her a target for abuse.. |
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I think most people don't understand the meaning of Dominant/submissive. Taking the lead is not the same. A Dominant person doesn't care what the submissive person wants. A dominant person will tell you who can be your friends, what to wear, what to eat, and you are treated like a second class citizen. Like Willing said; you are open to abuse. Definition of dominant: ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence. That is not leadership; that is abuse. Definition of submissive: inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient. If a guy was dominant; he would not be asking his girlfriend/wife/partner if he can go out with his friends; he just would; or would not discuss money matters with her; he would just spend it as he sees fit. A successful relation is not run on dictatorship but working together; therefore unless the person is controlled like a puppet; there is no Dominant/Submissive relationship. In relationships; no matter who makes the decision; there will be discussion or input from the other so how can one claim to be dominant? This whole term is not used properly when describing a relationship. One can lead or make decisions but that doesn't make him dominant; just a leader. A dominant person will never; I repeat never let their partner make a decision or have any input. I saw first hand this type of relationship with my mother and it was hell for her. How can we conclude that every dominant person doesn't care and that they will misuse their control and influence to abuse others. No where in the definitions you cited does it infer this... and if you are using your mother's experience as the criteria for your belief that everyone on earth acts exactly like the rest, then I would cite many relationships where the dominant is a human being with feelings and understanding and does not rule his loved ones with an iron fist that would breed only hatred of them... I just used my mom as an example. The definition dominant is: ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence. I think most people confuse leadership with dominant. I am just saying the use of the word in not used in its correct content. Does that make sense to you? I'll concede to your definition. But, I'd like to point out a word that's NOT in it. It doesn't say abusive. You are correct that it doesn't say abusive but when one is given absolute control of another; there is certainly possibility of abuse. This is why I consider it leadership as leadership is taking charge; not controlling a person. JMO |
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true equality is to be lauded, and I would like to see the living examples that will convince me of it's actual existence for all females... until unquestionable equality of girls and women has been reached and is commonplace in our cultures, I elect as a female to interact with my man by giving of myself for his happiness just as he will do likewise for me, or else he won't be with me... So, you don't believe that equality exists for women? Am I understanding that correctly? What do you think exists, then? I know for a fact that equality DOES NOT exist for ALL women.. women who are treated as equals earn that privilege, it is not bestowed on them as a birthright... So you feel that you haven't earned the privilege to be treated as an equal? I wasn't aware that I'm not being treated as an equal in the relationships that matter the most to me... |
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I think most people don't understand the meaning of Dominant/submissive. Taking the lead is not the same. A Dominant person doesn't care what the submissive person wants. A dominant person will tell you who can be your friends, what to wear, what to eat, and you are treated like a second class citizen. Like Willing said; you are open to abuse. Definition of dominant: ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence. That is not leadership; that is abuse. Definition of submissive: inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient. If a guy was dominant; he would not be asking his girlfriend/wife/partner if he can go out with his friends; he just would; or would not discuss money matters with her; he would just spend it as he sees fit. A successful relation is not run on dictatorship but working together; therefore unless the person is controlled like a puppet; there is no Dominant/Submissive relationship. In relationships; no matter who makes the decision; there will be discussion or input from the other so how can one claim to be dominant? This whole term is not used properly when describing a relationship. One can lead or make decisions but that doesn't make him dominant; just a leader. A dominant person will never; I repeat never let their partner make a decision or have any input. I saw first hand this type of relationship with my mother and it was hell for her. How can we conclude that every dominant person doesn't care and that they will misuse their control and influence to abuse others. No where in the definitions you cited does it infer this... and if you are using your mother's experience as the criteria for your belief that everyone on earth acts exactly like the rest, then I would cite many relationships where the dominant is a human being with feelings and understanding and does not rule his loved ones with an iron fist that would breed only hatred of them... I just used my mom as an example. The definition dominant is: ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence. I think most people confuse leadership with dominant. I am just saying the use of the word in not used in its correct content. Does that make sense to you? yes.. the definition of dominant is: ruling, governing, or controlling, having or exerting authority or influence,, this is the definition you provided to back up the theory that I am an easy target for abuse... when no where in these definitions does it even imply that the dominant factors are using their power to abuse or harm... and I can honestly say that I'm shocked to learn that by a woman being a woman and treating her man like he's her man and vice versa this makes her a target for abuse.. As I just said; if you give a person complete control; there is a possibility for abuse but not saying that they will. I don't know if you are an easy target as that is entirely up to how you want to be treated. It might surprise you to know that people can and do abuse power. Lots of women live in an abusive relationship for years and don't realize it. You can treat a man like a man without being a doormat to him and have an equal say in things even if he does take the lead. I just don't know how to explain this to you any better. |
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You are correct that it doesn't say abusive but when one is given absolute control of another; there is certainly possibility of abuse. This is why I consider it leadership as leadership is taking charge; not controlling a person. JMO You know what? I like that. I've been looking for a word that wouldn't get people's dander up like submissive. I think follower is an outstanding replacement word. It explains the point I'm making without the negative connotations. Cudos! |
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You are correct that it doesn't say abusive but when one is given absolute control of another; there is certainly possibility of abuse. This is why I consider it leadership as leadership is taking charge; not controlling a person. JMO You know what? I like that. I've been looking for a word that wouldn't get people's dander up like submissive. I think follower is an outstanding replacement word. It explains the point I'm making without the negative connotations. Cudos! 
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