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| Topic: DOMINANT vs. submissive, which one are you? | |
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I think most people don't understand the meaning of Dominant/submissive. Taking the lead is not the same. A Dominant person doesn't care what the submissive person wants. A dominant person will tell you who can be your friends, what to wear, what to eat, and you are treated like a second class citizen. Like Willing said; you are open to abuse. Definition of dominant: ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence. That is not leadership; that is abuse. Definition of submissive: inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient. If a guy was dominant; he would not be asking his girlfriend/wife/partner if he can go out with his friends; he just would; or would not discuss money matters with her; he would just spend it as he sees fit. A successful relation is not run on dictatorship but working together; therefore unless the person is controlled like a puppet; there is no Dominant/Submissive relationship. In relationships; no matter who makes the decision; there will be discussion or input from the other so how can one claim to be dominant? This whole term is not used properly when describing a relationship. One can lead or make decisions but that doesn't make him dominant; just a leader. A dominant person will never; I repeat never let their partner make a decision or have any input. I saw first hand this type of relationship with my mother and it was hell for her. How can we conclude that every dominant person doesn't care and that they will misuse their control and influence to abuse others. No where in the definitions you cited does it infer this... and if you are using your mother's experience as the criteria for your belief that everyone on earth acts exactly like the rest, then I would cite many relationships where the dominant is a human being with feelings and understanding and does not rule his loved ones with an iron fist that would breed only hatred of them... I just used my mom as an example. The definition dominant is: ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence. I think most people confuse leadership with dominant. I am just saying the use of the word in not used in its correct content. Does that make sense to you? yes.. the definition of dominant is: ruling, governing, or controlling, having or exerting authority or influence,, this is the definition you provided to back up the theory that I am an easy target for abuse... when no where in these definitions does it even imply that the dominant factors are using their power to abuse or harm... and I can honestly say that I'm shocked to learn that by a woman being a woman and treating her man like he's her man and vice versa this makes her a target for abuse.. As I just said; if you give a person complete control; there is a possibility for abuse but not saying that they will. I don't know if you are an easy target as that is entirely up to how you want to be treated. It might surprise you to know that people can and do abuse power. Lots of women live in an abusive relationship for years and don't realize it. You can treat a man like a man without being a doormat to him and have an equal say in things even if he does take the lead. I just don't know how to explain this to you any better. that's just it navygirl... people are jumping to conclusions about me as if just because I prefer to live a peaceful existence and take care of my man to a deeper degree than other women I see who are demanding and selfish and refuse to cook or wash dishes or even tend to their own children out of spite toward their man, that I am somehow deficient and can't stand up for myself... but, under what kind of stressful circumstances would I need to be stronger than my man... I just divorced mine of 18 yrs and was given everything I asked for.. so I obviously must have some backbone on the important issues that are worth fighting over... |
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You are correct that it doesn't say abusive but when one is given absolute control of another; there is certainly possibility of abuse. This is why I consider it leadership as leadership is taking charge; not controlling a person. JMO You know what? I like that. I've been looking for a word that wouldn't get people's dander up like submissive. I think follower is an outstanding replacement word. It explains the point I'm making without the negative connotations. Cudos! well then I don't fit into this category at all, because although I voluntarily submit to do as I choose, I'm not a mindless follower... 
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You are correct that it doesn't say abusive but when one is given absolute control of another; there is certainly possibility of abuse. This is why I consider it leadership as leadership is taking charge; not controlling a person. JMO You know what? I like that. I've been looking for a word that wouldn't get people's dander up like submissive. I think follower is an outstanding replacement word. It explains the point I'm making without the negative connotations. Cudos! well then I don't fit into this category at all, because although I voluntarily submit to do as I choose, I'm not a mindless follower...
It's follower, not lemming. |
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I think most people don't understand the meaning of Dominant/submissive. Taking the lead is not the same. A Dominant person doesn't care what the submissive person wants. A dominant person will tell you who can be your friends, what to wear, what to eat, and you are treated like a second class citizen. Like Willing said; you are open to abuse. Definition of dominant: ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence. That is not leadership; that is abuse. Definition of submissive: inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient. If a guy was dominant; he would not be asking his girlfriend/wife/partner if he can go out with his friends; he just would; or would not discuss money matters with her; he would just spend it as he sees fit. A successful relation is not run on dictatorship but working together; therefore unless the person is controlled like a puppet; there is no Dominant/Submissive relationship. In relationships; no matter who makes the decision; there will be discussion or input from the other so how can one claim to be dominant? This whole term is not used properly when describing a relationship. One can lead or make decisions but that doesn't make him dominant; just a leader. A dominant person will never; I repeat never let their partner make a decision or have any input. I saw first hand this type of relationship with my mother and it was hell for her. How can we conclude that every dominant person doesn't care and that they will misuse their control and influence to abuse others. No where in the definitions you cited does it infer this... and if you are using your mother's experience as the criteria for your belief that everyone on earth acts exactly like the rest, then I would cite many relationships where the dominant is a human being with feelings and understanding and does not rule his loved ones with an iron fist that would breed only hatred of them... I just used my mom as an example. The definition dominant is: ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence. I think most people confuse leadership with dominant. I am just saying the use of the word in not used in its correct content. Does that make sense to you? yes.. the definition of dominant is: ruling, governing, or controlling, having or exerting authority or influence,, this is the definition you provided to back up the theory that I am an easy target for abuse... when no where in these definitions does it even imply that the dominant factors are using their power to abuse or harm... and I can honestly say that I'm shocked to learn that by a woman being a woman and treating her man like he's her man and vice versa this makes her a target for abuse.. As I just said; if you give a person complete control; there is a possibility for abuse but not saying that they will. I don't know if you are an easy target as that is entirely up to how you want to be treated. It might surprise you to know that people can and do abuse power. Lots of women live in an abusive relationship for years and don't realize it. You can treat a man like a man without being a doormat to him and have an equal say in things even if he does take the lead. I just don't know how to explain this to you any better. that's just it navygirl... people are jumping to conclusions about me as if just because I prefer to live a peaceful existence and take care of my man to a deeper degree than other women I see who are demanding and selfish and refuse to cook or wash dishes or even tend to their own children out of spite toward their man, that I am somehow deficient and can't stand up for myself... but, under what kind of stressful circumstances would I need to be stronger than my man... I just divorced mine of 18 yrs and was given everything I asked for.. so I obviously must have some backbone on the important issues that are worth fighting over... Not saying you have to be stronger than your man as if that doesn't work for you go ahead. Me, on the other hand I did have to be stronger than the guy but I just am better at a crisis. Again; an example is one guy I dated was in tears because his mom was dying. He couldn't make a decision as he was devastated and rightfully so. I stepped in and took control. Had another guy that freaked out at a car accident that we stopped for due to the blood, so again I took charge. Most recently; we had a kid puke on the parade square and the guy that was supposed to help just about lost his cookies; so I took charge. Fact is no matter how strong men are; they are still human and sometimes just can't deal with the situation at hand. I like the fact that I have their back when they need me. I also agree that some situations are not worth fighting for and usually will just let it go, walk away, or agree to disagree. I usually don't sweat the small things like when a guy comes home late and hasn't called me. As long as he is safe; that is all that matters. |
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I'm too aggressive to be submissive
I prefer to be submissive, but I can be aggressive when necessary.. my daddy didn't raise no fool... 
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I think most people don't understand the meaning of Dominant/submissive. Taking the lead is not the same. A Dominant person doesn't care what the submissive person wants. A dominant person will tell you who can be your friends, what to wear, what to eat, and you are treated like a second class citizen. Like Willing said; you are open to abuse. Definition of dominant: ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence. That is not leadership; that is abuse. Definition of submissive: inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient. If a guy was dominant; he would not be asking his girlfriend/wife/partner if he can go out with his friends; he just would; or would not discuss money matters with her; he would just spend it as he sees fit. A successful relation is not run on dictatorship but working together; therefore unless the person is controlled like a puppet; there is no Dominant/Submissive relationship. In relationships; no matter who makes the decision; there will be discussion or input from the other so how can one claim to be dominant? This whole term is not used properly when describing a relationship. One can lead or make decisions but that doesn't make him dominant; just a leader. A dominant person will never; I repeat never let their partner make a decision or have any input. I saw first hand this type of relationship with my mother and it was hell for her. How can we conclude that every dominant person doesn't care and that they will misuse their control and influence to abuse others. No where in the definitions you cited does it infer this... and if you are using your mother's experience as the criteria for your belief that everyone on earth acts exactly like the rest, then I would cite many relationships where the dominant is a human being with feelings and understanding and does not rule his loved ones with an iron fist that would breed only hatred of them... I just used my mom as an example. The definition dominant is: ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence. I think most people confuse leadership with dominant. I am just saying the use of the word in not used in its correct content. Does that make sense to you? yes.. the definition of dominant is: ruling, governing, or controlling, having or exerting authority or influence,, this is the definition you provided to back up the theory that I am an easy target for abuse... when no where in these definitions does it even imply that the dominant factors are using their power to abuse or harm... and I can honestly say that I'm shocked to learn that by a woman being a woman and treating her man like he's her man and vice versa this makes her a target for abuse.. As I just said; if you give a person complete control; there is a possibility for abuse but not saying that they will. I don't know if you are an easy target as that is entirely up to how you want to be treated. It might surprise you to know that people can and do abuse power. Lots of women live in an abusive relationship for years and don't realize it. You can treat a man like a man without being a doormat to him and have an equal say in things even if he does take the lead. I just don't know how to explain this to you any better. that's just it navygirl... people are jumping to conclusions about me as if just because I prefer to live a peaceful existence and take care of my man to a deeper degree than other women I see who are demanding and selfish and refuse to cook or wash dishes or even tend to their own children out of spite toward their man, that I am somehow deficient and can't stand up for myself... but, under what kind of stressful circumstances would I need to be stronger than my man... I just divorced mine of 18 yrs and was given everything I asked for.. so I obviously must have some backbone on the important issues that are worth fighting over... Not saying you have to be stronger than your man as if that doesn't work for you go ahead. Me, on the other hand I did have to be stronger than the guy but I just am better at a crisis. Again; an example is one guy I dated was in tears because his mom was dying. He couldn't make a decision as he was devastated and rightfully so. I stepped in and took control. Had another guy that freaked out at a car accident that we stopped for due to the blood, so again I took charge. Most recently; we had a kid puke on the parade square and the guy that was supposed to help just about lost his cookies; so I took charge. Fact is no matter how strong men are; they are still human and sometimes just can't deal with the situation at hand. I like the fact that I have their back when they need me. I also agree that some situations are not worth fighting for and usually will just let it go, walk away, or agree to disagree. I usually don't sweat the small things like when a guy comes home late and hasn't called me. As long as he is safe; that is all that matters. that's the way I see it too.. as long as he's home in bed every night, I'm not going to worry about what he did before he gets there... and I know what you mean about big tough guys turning into helpless little boys when certain kinds of problems come up... if it wasn't for my organizational habits my ex could never find a thing.. they depend on us for so much, and don't realize how good they've got it until we're gone... |
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I'm too aggressive to be submissive
I prefer to be submissive, but I can be aggressive when necessary.. my daddy didn't raise no fool...
Believe it or not Claire, I'm a very strong and independent female... Nobody tells me what to do, and I don't follow anybody else's path but my own. I just choose to run my house the way I like it... and I've never had children, so i think I cater to my man's every need because of my innate desire to nurture and protect. I had a suspicion that this topic might bring out the passion in everybody, but how else are we going to learn how each other thinks about subjects if we don't put them on the table for discussion... |
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Edited by
navygirl
on
Tue 02/19/13 04:01 PM
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that's the way I see it too.. as long as he's home in bed every night, I'm not going to worry about what he did before he gets there... and I know what you mean about big tough guys turning into helpless little boys when certain kinds of problems come up... if it wasn't for my organizational habits my ex could never find a thing.. they depend on us for so much, and don't realize how good they've got it until we're gone... I don't see these men as helpless little boys personally as we all have our different strengths and weakness. We all have that breaking point no matter how strong we are even though most of us try to hide it. This is when we can lean on each other for support and it doesn't matter who leans on who but this is just my opinion. I don't expect a man to be strong 24/7 anymore than he expects me to happy 24/7. LOL |
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that's the way I see it too.. as long as he's home in bed every night, I'm not going to worry about what he did before he gets there... and I know what you mean about big tough guys turning into helpless little boys when certain kinds of problems come up... if it wasn't for my organizational habits my ex could never find a thing.. they depend on us for so much, and don't realize how good they've got it until we're gone... I don't see these men as helpless little boys personally as we all have our different strengths and weakness. We all have that breaking point no matter how strong we are even though most of us try to hide it. This is when we can lean on each other for support and it doesn't matter who leans on who but this is just my opinion. I don't expect a man to be strong 24/7 anymore than he expects me to happy 24/7. LOL cool...  
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I'm dominant as in cleaning around, tidying, looking after pets, etc. Dominant men scare me like hell, so there's little chance of me ever dating dominant types. I don't want any guy I date to be either of those things. Both of those labels kinda just make me sigh, as why can't there be different shades of dominance/submissiveness? I think we date who we know in our right minds who is best for us despite whether they could be one or the other.
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Interesting topic.
Initially I was going to play devils advocate and say, the person who has to ask if they are the dominant one inevitably isnt. Then I remember the old saying 'hes the boss of the house, when I let him'. Some people believe they are dominant but their decisions have become the ones their partner would have made. To me, its all about strengths and weaknesses. A good relationship is one where either partner makes the decision based on their strength in that area. For instance, I have no interest in cosmetics whatsoever and nor do I ever wish to have. Why then would I make a judgement on them? I always believed that two people in a strong relationship become greater than the whole. If one person is to dominant then it has the opposite effect and impedes the growth of the other and by default the relationship. That is not to say a bloke should lose his masculinity, nor should a woman lose their feminity. Both aspects should be cherished |
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I'm dominant as in cleaning around, tidying, looking after pets, etc. Dominant men scare me like hell, so there's little chance of me ever dating dominant types. I don't want any guy I date to be either of those things. Both of those labels kinda just make me sigh, as why can't there be different shades of dominance/submissiveness? I think we date who we know in our right minds who is best for us despite whether they could be one or the other. I like this, Sarah... "I think we date who we know in our right minds who is best for us despite whether they could be one or the other."
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Interesting topic. Initially I was going to play devils advocate and say, the person who has to ask if they are the dominant one inevitably isnt. Then I remember the old saying 'hes the boss of the house, when I let him'. Some people believe they are dominant but their decisions have become the ones their partner would have made. To me, its all about strengths and weaknesses. A good relationship is one where either partner makes the decision based on their strength in that area. For instance, I have no interest in cosmetics whatsoever and nor do I ever wish to have. Why then would I make a judgement on them? I always believed that two people in a strong relationship become greater than the whole. If one person is to dominant then it has the opposite effect and impedes the growth of the other and by default the relationship. That is not to say a bloke should lose his masculinity, nor should a woman lose their feminity. Both aspects should be cherished Exactly... "he's the boss of the house when I let him be"...
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AthenaRose...My husband and I were both caring and nurturing towards each other...We enjoyed spoiling each other in countless different ways...We weren't "cold" or "business-like" with each other just because we considered ourselves equals and best friends..On the contrary...We kept coming up with new and creative ways to express our love and admiration and appreciation for each other...We had fun...We "played." We offered each other support and encouragement when it came to achieving our goals and dreams in life or overcoming fears or obstacles...Neither one of us was in the "down position." Or considered "inferior."...We were both free to develop our skills and talents and "be" who we wanted to "be!"
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I agree. Thats the way to go.
My mum and dad are like that, as were my grandparents. You can have two strong personalties and unlike most would think, it isnt about vying for control, its about being strong enough to let each other be themselves. That leads to fulfillment |
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I agree. Thats the way to go. My mum and dad are like that, as were my grandparents. You can have two strong personalties and unlike most would think, it isnt about vying for control, its about being strong enough to let each other be themselves. That leads to fulfillment |
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I agree. Thats the way to go. My mum and dad are like that, as were my grandparents. You can have two strong personalties and unlike most would think, it isnt about vying for control, its about being strong enough to let each other be themselves. That leads to fulfillment 
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I have always looked at it like it is the partner and I against the competition.
It improves the odds on success both in life and within the relationship |
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true equality is to be lauded, and I would like to see the living examples that will convince me of it's actual existence for all females... until unquestionable equality of girls and women has been reached and is commonplace in our cultures, I elect as a female to interact with my man by giving of myself for his happiness just as he will do likewise for me, or else he won't be with me...
So, you don't believe that equality exists for women? Am I understanding that correctly? What do you think exists, then? I know for a fact that equality DOES NOT exist for ALL women.. women who are treated as equals earn that privilege, it is not bestowed on them as a birthright... So you feel that you haven't earned the privilege to be treated as an equal? I wasn't aware that I'm not being treated as an equal in the relationships that matter the most to me... I was just trying to figure out what you mean. I don't know you and know nothing about your relationships. But you brought up that some women have not earned the privilege to be treated as equal. Since this was a conversation about dominant and submissives, I thought you may have been referring to yourself. No offense intended. |
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