ehhh, I don't believe, because if I did, I would punch jesus in the ****

I live misery, I breathe pain, and I walk with death by my side.
There is no happy ending to this story of mine
Maybe a release from the shell that held a man
now scared and broken life left my eyes when I was damned
Crushing feeling of every step I take
is only half as painful of every breath I take.
Paper money escapes me so I buy it all in change
Betrayed and lied to from a very early age

friends I've been there for forgotten by them
when they need my help next time will I be there again
I get walked over treaded on everyday
I have no choice no options I just crawl towards my grave


Look in the mirror with knife at my chest
what's the point I say I got one year left at best
The way I drink, smoke, drive and the way live
There will be a day when someone generous will have bullets to give
I can imagine them burning and tearing through my flesh
Breaking through my bones holes in a my shirt a general mess
It's violent end to my pointless painful life
no talent, no love, no women, just a beat up care 45 cents and a knife.

I'm getting used to being lied to and not told
This game with people is getting old
I don't know why I keep coming back to the abuse
I try to give people the benefit of the doubt they refuse
I know which people will there when the chips fall
But I thought there were others who would answer the call
But I'm abandoned getting depressed and angry turning into a beast
In my story there is no happy ending, just a release

I'm sorry I need to rant to someone.

They say once you hit rock bottom the only way to go is up. This isn't true, I found ways to break through the rocky underground and keep chipping my way through the stone, going further and further down towards the center of the earth. Eventually I will either start climbing back up, or I will get close enough to the center that gravity will flatten me. Every time I climb up a little bit, I fall down and crack the rock below me getting closer the center. Gravity is starting to take it toll on me. In this past year, I have lost my wife, I have been homeless, lost my license, am probably losing my cat whom I love very much. Then I get grades back today, C- in a class I tried in, and got A's on everything returned to me, it doesn't compute. If I can't do this **** when I try then what is the ****ing point? I emailed my professor asking for an explanation, if I don't get a very good one then I quit. I am done with school, if I am not smart enough to pass that class with a better grade than that, then **** it there is no point, I might as well move to alaska and become a fisherman. I give up, I can't handle the disappointment of trying and failing because that is all that seems to happen. I tried with my marriage, I failed, I tried to work hard and be a good citizen, I failed, I tried to be a good friend to my cat, I have failed, and the one time I tried to be a good student, I failed I am too stupid, you can't fail if you never try. Dreams are meant to be shattered and hope is meant for the hopeless. My only chance is to give up on it all and just go through life like everyone else, consuming the **** they do, eating what I want, drinking when and what I want, doing what I want even if it screws over someone else and just working for more stuff.

Virtues take you no where, back handed actions, lying with smiles, and going against what you think is right will take you where ever you want to go.

I see you staring out your window
I'm wondering why your so down
are you a recent widow
You look out but your looking at the ground
was it a boyfriend being an asshole
has someone close failed you again
You're Sitting still mannequin like beautiful
I want to walk up to you and start off at friends

This is just an obsessive song about a girl I saw while passing by
This is just an obsessive song about a girl I saw while passing by

I'd loose the last ten pounds to make you want me
I'd clean up and shave every day
I'd support you if you'd be there for me
but you wouldn't want me anyway
You're pale face shines in the moonlight
You're green eyes glow and pierce my walls
If anyone would hurt you I'd be ready to fight
But I shouldn't promise anything, I don't know you at all.

A blackened soul is all that remains
One person destroyed while the other gains
Stuck alone with clothes and papers on the floor
The mess I made of my life, you made it more
Letting go of the only emotions that mattered to me
Holding on to the love fueling the hating
And this house seems mighty cold
I feel like I'm getting old
my joints cracking and heart hurting
Complaining about working
This life of disappointment and mediocrity
Is killing me

So I walk on in the fog lost
No candle to light my way home
Not the man I thought I was
I'm just weak alone
So now I violently push away
Any chance at any pleasure at all
No love means no pain
If I was never built up, I'd never fall

Red love letters that I held on to after you left
Stained from the blood that I let drip on it
Seeing your face when I close my eyes
wondering how it will looks when I finally die
Love has failed and will again
so I'll take away the respect that i had given
Death to what I was and to what I'll become
I wish the worst for you and your new someone

I will pray for whitney houston, pray that she chokes on her crack pipe.

sounds like me, with out the massive amounts of alcohol and mashed potatoes.
Did he perchance forget to wear pants? I do that often.

bounty hunter

Thanks, i still have more on it. but thanks a lot. I means something to get feed back.

Hey all, been a while, but I've been busy. this is the first video I have done in about four years. I have a lot of post production left on it and have to switch out some shots yet but let me know what you think.

JT


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMMU_AP2eJQ

TV set on leaves me uninspired
just talking heads and brimstone and fire
crack open a drink and take a bigger white pill
Living through that box leaves me with out a thrill
stare at the scars and blank white walls
no phone to make unwanted calls
so the light of the tv illuminates my face blue
A beer in my hand a tear on my face and in my head a thought of you.

Blank isn't clear,and uninpired leaves me depressed
Having no woman around leaves me sexually repressed
is it so unhealthy to want someone to screw
Because I can't let myself love after I had you
you mutalated something as trusting as baby pet
Turned it into a bloody pile from your train wreck

Holding on was all I could do and I can't pry my fingers away
Holding on to the adoring words I remember you used to say
I can't kill the dreams no matter how much I drink
I can't get away from those dark and dirty thoughts I think
It doesn't matter though I'll fade away ignored in the gutter
there isn't a woman alive left that would let me **** her
so whats the point of trying making a monkey out of myself
just to go home alone, doing what she told me to do, I've gone and ****ed myself

Where the hell are you buying gasoline?

If jesus ever came back, do you think he would know karate?

In the realm of pain killers, they are on the lower level, if it kills your pain, thats good that you don't need anything stronger. When my pain flares up I need the mid range pain killers like Lortab, on the heaviest end is straight up morphine. Tylenol 2 or tylenol with codeine is weak compared to the others out there. With his problems the best he can hope for is Lortab with a heavy hydrocodone mix for a pain killer. I only know some of this stuff because of injuries in college and high school football and having surgeries. Basically I have one good joint left. My right knee, and eventually I just learned to live with the pain most of the time. So when it comes to pain killers, I have an idea of what I am talking about, not quite like a doctor or nurse, but enough from observations.

Thats the weak stuff

Lorab is the best you are going to get, at best you can hope for 7.5/500 mg apap. If you get thse take 3-4 every 4 hours. When I blew out my back that worked very well.

you have no credibility, you push your biased point and thats all. YOu are just as bad as the side you bicker with.

Wow. just wow.
McCarthy era sound familiar?
Prohibition?
Slavery?
All done under the flag and the cross.
People who do this stuff and call everyone who doesn't go along with it unpatriotic are as bad as Stalin, Mussolini and kind of sounds like HITLER!!!!!

I don't like whiney liberals, but I hate stupid theocratic nationalists.

I will probably get drunk, tell some woman that I am here for the fucfest and go home stumbling and sad. So yeah, i'm getting plastered

A woman tells me she loves me and She is better than I could hope for. Is this real? I ask as she takes off her clothes
I see her lay down, streached waiting for me and I bury my face in her giving pleasure making her happy she kisses me and tells me she loves me then I wake up it was nothing more than a dream. Sometimes the good dreams are more depressing than the bad ones. Because they remind you of what you don't have.