Ok, first of all, there is nothing wrong with feeling the way you feel. In all actuality, the idea of "friends first" is a more ideal way to find a long term love. Unfortunately too many men and women can't seem to accept the idea that your lover should be a close friend as well. Some seem to think this is someone you date and bang, others think the friendship should grow over time after the love is declared. No wonder so many couples are in trouble.

I think you need to come to grips with things. You need to accept that this woman is not interested in you, and that you have no chance of being more with her. You need to let that go and move on. You can be her friend, but quit thinking, hoping, and wondering if you could be more.

It's not terrible to love someone, but the only person you're being terrible to is YOURSELF. You're torturing yourself for this woman, and it'll get worse when she meets a guy she likes and wants to date him...or when she complains how she can't meet any decent guys.

You need to affix your mind and get over her. Maybe take a break and put a little distance, get yourself over her by not being with her all the time and such. If she asks, just say you're going through some personal dilemmas and you're dealing with them.

I'm a 34 year old male who has never been married and never had children.

I dated a single mom once. She had a 2 year old and was also going to school for pre-law. Her parents were well-to-do and thus took care of her and her son while they got her an education so she could provide for herself in life.

The problems hit when she just didn't have or wouldn't make time for me. We'd talk every day on the phone, but I only got to see her 2 times over a month and a half. Whenever I politely brought this up, she would get mad and defensive. I also was irked when she did get SEVERAL free nights and immediately would be out partying with her girlfriends at the clubs...with me as not even a thought.

I ended things with her, but this is one of the biggest reasons I am very very reluctant on single moms. Any of the ones I've met just don't have any time to date. They're working, house stuff, parent stuff, etc. I've met others who could even spare one night a week to get together (despite how much interest they showed me). My heart goes out to them for their dedication and such, but if they can't spare time to be my girlfriend, then they're better off just putting dating on a long break til their lives more "calm down" and they have time for themselves.

I also don't care for the ones that are trying to hurry a man down the aisle. Talked to one single mom who had one child and literally told me she wants to find a guy and get married within a year and then have more kids. She was so wound up by the biological clock fears that she basically was looking for any male to be a wallet and sperm bank for her. I'm not saying this is all single moms, but I ran into one of these, my friend ran into two of them, and I hear other stores like this on these boards.

Finally, another thing is that I have not met a single mom whom I found as "ideal". The woman who maybe got married, started a family, then ended up divorced and alone, but she's got a job, takes care of things, and only needs a man for companionship...PLUS...she's got time to be his girlfriend.

What I've seemed to only meet are what I call "burned out party girls". These were the women who spent their 20s rejecting guys like me because we weren't "alpha" enough for them. Then one night they got knocked up by some bad boy they have been drooling over and now look to guys like me to "save them" from being seen as the failed knocked up woman.

I AM NOT SAYING ALL SINGLE MOMS ARE THIS...SO DON'T START ATTACKING ME!!

I've met some of what I call the "good single moms" that are wonderful women who happen to have a kid or two, but they all seem to live far away. So that's out for me. One some of these sites I've had single moms contact me that really were not women I'd want even if they were childless. Just not attracted to these particular women.

Now I've heard many say that the chances of finding a childless woman around my age is very difficult or impossible, but I'm also not in a big rush to find someone and marry. I'd rather she be Ms Right than Ms Convenient. I still don't rule out single moms, but I've yet to meet one locally that I call a good woman. The ones I have seen in those other states also have no problem finding men...God bless em too because they are great women and I'm glad they all found love.

I think there are some guys who hate on the single moms, and they shouldn't, but they do because they more fear that the pool of attractive childless women will shrink up to nothing and thus be stuck with choices they don't want.

As for the rest of us, we don't hate the single moms, but we're not just going to jump into anything because we basically want to be a little selfish. I know I've spent a lot of time getting rejected by many women in my 20s, the kind who now pine and try to get me to take care of them. I feel personally that I don't deserve to be someone's "last resort" as in the cases of these particular women.

I want to be a little selfish. I want to be able to see her, date her, spend time with her, and not have to perform a juggling act with trying to find time around her parental responsibilities. In many ways, I don't even think I want children in my life. That I'd rather just work, travel, spend my money on me, and focus my spare time on me. Some say that's selfish, but it is my life...and I am in charge of it.

In the end for all the guys who hate on single moms...stop. That's like hating on your own mom. Worse if she was a single mom too! You don't want to date these women, then don't. Just don't get involved with one and then hurt her by running at the first sign of the kid, when you knew she had one. Don't waste their time because I'm sure there are men out there who would date these women.

I'd just say pick one and stay in touch with the others. Go out on one first date with each then pick which one you want to go further with.

To many options is better than no options at all.

I'm as single this week as I was last week.

Maybe he just has money to spend and wants some company.

My first thought was that he's looking for a warm body to lay that weekend and he's not having much luck with local women, but maybe it's that he's not having any luck with local women in terms of dating in general and he's trying to secure himself a date for the weekend.

My advice...if you like him then agree to it, but don't sit there with hopes high on the ticket if you have had guys never follow up in the past. Maybe he'll surprise you and you get a romantic weekend. Maybe he won't and at least you didn't put a lot of emotional stock in this.

First, figure out what you really want. If you just want to keep it as friends, then ignore it ever happened and carry on.

If you want more, then I'd say hash it out and ask him deep inside what he really wants.

I cut ties.

If a woman I really liked and felt something deep for tries to friendzone me, I just reject it and move on. It's not trying to be mean, but more that I can't face this woman and be "just friends", especially when it seems every woman who does this then starts going out with a string of horrible men and I have to hear "why can't I find a decent guy who will treat me right??"

If I dated and got close to a woman, and she wanted to go backwards and be "just friends", I cut ties. I can't take a step back once I started to get close to someone like that.

If a woman shows me great interest and I'm not interested in her, I won't do the "let's just be friends" spiel. I know deep inside she'll just use it as a means to try to "convince" me to being more with her, and then when she realizes I still won't go further, I get angst and hate from her. Better to avoid the drama.

I'm of the mind that it will take the RIGHT WOMAN to get me to go down the aisle. My father always told me never to date or marry for the sake of "having someone". I really have no need for a spouse in terms of keeping house or income, so if I marry, it will be someone I truly love...not some decision made out of a need to fulfill some perceived social norm.

So people can call me selfish or a loser, I sit back and chuckle when divorce court later makes them envy my life. They can't call me "commitment-phobe" because I've been nothing but good to women who can't seem to fathom being good to me.

In the end, the message is that men like me are saying "My life belongs to me."




I personally think they should make this standard with ALL marriages.

First, for all the college educated women making decent salaries and now fear "marrying down", it will protect them in life.

Second, I think when the idea sits that neither side can walk away from the marriage with more than they put into it, it might make couples who have problems work harder to fix the problems as opposed to the battle of wills that eventually leads to lawyers.


For me personally, I'm more the type that when I pick someone to be my wife, I will work hard to make the marriage happy and good, and speak up if I think she is behaving badly in this. I'd like to think that I wouldn't pick people who are of the type to cheat or stray, but in the end I think with all the divorces and now men worried about being raped in the court...that the marriage certificate should now have a pre-nup added to it by law.

Can you imagine how much of the court system would be freed up if this happened? I still believe more people would run to counselors as opposed to lawyers.

I know. It's hard to tell a hardened guy who has done wrong that he needs to grow up. Had a guy basically abandon his baby daughter and not give any support to the mother of his child. All he'll say is how much of an evil ***** his ex is, when she isn't. I had to point out that his troubles started when he went out looking for a new GF right after the baby was born and how he never gives any child support or even visits his daughter on a consistent basis.

All I get back is more angst and even at times words of how I am a traitor or a "mangina". Not the first time I've been called that for giving a fellow male a slap of hard reality.

Women are no better, but I get a lot of the victim card when I try to point out their bad behavior. In the end, everyone wants to believe they are innocent and can do no wrong.

<---- hopeless romantic.


And I know I'm not alone.




AMEN!

Agreed.

Although even as a man I get tired of seeing my own gender do horrible things to women, thus making the rest of us look bad.

Sometimes we men gotta tell the boys to grow up, and women do the same to the girls...as opposed to everyone playing the victim card.

Only if I was the one who impregnated her.

Blondes, brunettes, readheads...they can all be hot.

More matters on the rest of the package (face, body, personality, lifestyle, etc) that's the big seller.

I don't think it's shallow though to want someone taller.

I just think it's limiting when some women (not you) will put a height requirement that will cancel out 90% of the men on the site. Like when I saw some women put that they want 6'3" or more.

In the end I've learned that you want to pick the few physical requirements that mean the most to you, and leave the rest as "hopeful, but not required". It's all good as long as the profile is inviting to many to contact you.


Shallow to me is when one wants physical perfection, especially when they themselves aren't too perfect, but I wouldn't even complain about those people...just bear in mind how much they are limiting themselves and how chronically single they will remain.

I could go for an Orange Crush right about now.

I think the guy should pay for the ticket,

but he should also be smart not to just buy one after a few chats.

Pretty

use a crab cake recipe, but substitute tuna for the crab

Weekdays I can sleep 8 hours and still not want to get up.

Weekends I'll sleep 5 hours and be wide awake, not even understanding how or why my body needed so little sleep.

I usually wake up tired, but not grumpy.

It's perfectly ok to state what you want in a mate.

Just no guarantees you will get that.

So the girl who only wants men 5'10" or more can ask for that...but she might end up alone a very long time because the taller men might not be interested in her.