Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study



SYDNEY (Reuters Life!) - Bachelor Carl Weisman got fed up of being classified as a playboy, a loser or a commitment-phobe so he set out to find out exactly why he and a growing number of eligible men were steering clear of marriage.




Weisman, 49, conducted a survey of 1,533 heterosexual men to research a book aiming to give women an insight into why some smart, successful men opted to stay single -- and help lifelong bachelors understand why they are still the solo man at parties.



He concluded that most men were not afraid of marriage -- but they were afraid of a bad marriage.



"Men are 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all," Weisman told Reuters in a telephone interview.



"This is the first generation of people who have grown up with bad divorces. People assume there is something wrong if you don't marry but these are men who have made a different choice and not given in to social pressures.

"

The release of his book "So Why Have You Never Been Married? - Ten Insights into Why He Hasn't Wed," comes amid a growing trend for more people to stay single, with less social or religious pressures on men -- and women -- to tie the knot.



Weisman said U.S. figures showed that in 1980 about 6 percent of men aged in their early 40s had never married but this number had now risen to 17 percent.



AFRAID TO MAKE MISTAKES

Weisman said his online survey found there are three groups of bachelors -- about 8 percent who never want to marry, 62 percent want to marry but of which half won't settle for anything less than perfection, and about 30 percent who are on the fence.



Four out of 10 bachelors did not want children compared to three out of 10 wanting to be a father. The rest were undecided.



But while 72 percent of respondents said they were not afraid of marriage, about half of them said the situation that scared them most was marrying the wrong person.



"It's so important to these men to get it right. My best advice to single women after bachelors is to be patient. If you're in a hurry to get married you'll be frustrated," he said.



Weisman also found that financial issues, both positive and negative, played a large part in men's fear of commitment.



"Those with little money said they would have nothing to offer a partner, with some suffering self-esteem issues and withdrawing from the dating pool," said Weisman, an engineer-turned-author with two books now published.



"While those who are financially sound were terrified what a bad divorce could do to them.

"

Weisman said his research blew away any idea that single men were unhappy.



"A compelling issue was how many of them had found contentment in a never-married life," he said. "They had created lives full of careers, friends and ambitions. It was not like they walk around all day worried about not being married.

3 yrs the first time, 17 the second time.
20 and out I am retired from marraige.
A forced early retirement.

I prefer being solo over a bad marriage, unless there is kids, then I'm not leaving no matter how bad it gets.

you dont think the kids would be effected by that though?

Actually its better now, not so much stress and tension in the household.

After giveing over 30 yrs. to my woman and she had two affairs on me would'nt you be a little gunshy ? I don't need to be married so I will take my time to find the right person . Notice I said right not perfect

20+ with the same girl,,,,,I know about commitment,,,,,,,At 50 yrs old time for a change,,,,,,but what????????? not too worried about it now!!!!!!!!

I am not the least bit scared of marriage...divorce is what scares the devil out of ME.

I certainly agree with much of this, however, and think that most of us are scared of ending up in a bad marriage...what could be worse than feeling you've made the biggest mistake of your lifetime by marrying the wrong person? Especially if you don't believe in divorce.

The reason I divorced was I made the decision that I would sooner be on my own than be in a bad marriage. It got to the point where it felt like there was a death, but the body remained in the house. It was already devastingly lonesome even with him.

Right on I could go on with the things i believe were wrong but this ain't a therapy session so why bother lets just say that other human beings can do alot of harm to anothers physchy

See his problem was he "got fed up of being classified as a playboy, a loser or a commitment-phobe"

Me.....I'm used to being called a loser.

I just don't think it would be fair for me to remarry. She would know she is #2 in my heart.

The study is largely accurate. In many ways, a divorce is more emotionally painful than a death, and much more expensive.

i think the future will be "long term relationships" where the certainess of marriage will not play as big a factor- it seems once your married and have signed the"papers" everything becomes different, where as if your just living together things remain the same much more. i believe this is because there is that lack of surity between the couple and not wanting to do anthing to cause a split as to compared to the feeling of entrapment many feel. when paper documents and court and lawyers dont loom on the horizon it is definitely a different atmosphere. marriage will continue wspecailly when children are involved - but i dont think it wll ever be as it once was. JM@cent's.

so it takes 20 some years to learn not to do it again
i can understand if someone dies but why stay with them and fight i just dont get that

When a person is a good liar and the other half trusts too much they can fool ya ! It all depends on the people involved as to how the relationship goes , in my case I was blindsided both times because I trusted !

The relationship was'nt a fight,,,,,,More like growing up together,,,,One person gets clean and sober the othe does not,,,,,Did'nt want to watch the other person slowly kill themself,,,,,Had a baby girl to raise,,,,,,

why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free...???

Its not like marriage is the only option today for men (or women), its just one of many choices available. I think men steer clear of getting married because they dont have to anymore...

I agree.
The study is largly true. I stayed until the kids were old enough to decide, 16, 18, and 19. 15 years later and two live 1500 miles away from my Ex, and within 20 miles from me. the third though she lives 1500 miles from me, she also lives 2000 miles from her mom. Crazy woman my ex.
I'm still single, not "afraid" of marriage, or looking for perfection, but if she's not "right", I'm perfectly fine single.

Exactly the reason I am still single.

Well I'm also unlovable and have a shriveled black heart...