If I ask, I expect to pay and am prepared to pay.

If I am asked, I expect to share - but I am prepared to pay.

If I can't afford to pay I don't go out, regardless of who asked who.

Just because a man and woman are not "dating" does not mean that you can not treat them like a lady. In some cases it may prepare the way for a future. In others you always leave the woman knowing there are some guys out there who aren't like those they constantly complain about.

Plot

Best decision I ever made was to embrace the Proverb - It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman.

I have my work, friends and I can share my time but no one that I am driving crazy or is driving me crazy. I have my moments, but not enough moments to give up the peace of mind and peace of home that I have had the past 4- 5 years.

Hello and welcome to Mingle!

My most recent gold digger. Someone that I met thru her cousin in Texas. She lives in Arkansas. He and I have been friends for 10 years, I just met her maybe 2 years ago. Single, couple of boys. Talked to her on phone primarily for business purposes. Eventually it changed to some personal conversations. Visited once on way to an out of town work assignment. Had dinner. It was painfully obvious to me that we were not a match on nothing more than work/social related issues.

Yet after her making sure I was single, the financial hits started trying to me made. She calls asking for money for her son's private football/track camp activities because the father won't pay it.
She calls asking to pay her phone bill - she can't be without her phone - will lose her job. She calls needing money to make a trip somewhere to put in an appearance. She needed help to move to a new apartment in the same complex she lives. She needed money for car repairs.

She calls asking me to fly her to my city and put her up in a hotel so she can go shopping. Of course she is going to be shopping with her own money unless I make the foolish mistake of going shopping with her.

Thankfully I saw through the "innocent" looking requests quickly and saw the bigger picture she was working on before I lost any significant money. So I called her out. Sure did. Of course one moment she denies it saying she needs somebody who can take care of her - (but we weren't even dating )and then being offended, then admitting she was out to get as much gold as she could from whatever man would give it to her. If he gave it - in her mind - she didn't dig it. Had the nerve to tell me well if you really single you should have money to give me whenever I ask for it. Trust me it got ugly then. Thought she was gone out of my life for good

Then out of the blue the infrequent texts start. Including me in on a texts that wasn't supposed to come to me. Then a call to ask for some help on some paper she is writing. But no money requests. Until...she texts me last week and asks will I be her special Valentine. What does that mean? About 200.00 sent to her as a Valentine's gift. Uhh no honey, you are definitely one of the reasons I am still single today.

When informed that I moved (thankfully she never knew where I lived) she wanted to know my address. When I asked her why especially since we were not dating and she had no need to send me anything her response was that she had a friend who was a real estate agent so she could check out the house, see how much it cost, how big. etc.

Now before you assume she was merely some chick from the street, she is college educated, working on her Master's and is active in her local church. But she still hustling trying to get the paper - ain't no love or feelings even up in it. It infuriates her that I called her out and turned her down. She still can't believe I rejected her - she admits this much. She is just looking for someone to take care of her. She don't care about looks, age, nada. Just $$$.

I have no problem with that if you are completely up front about it in the beginning. And if it means you may chase them away, GOOD. That is what you want.

The problem is when men take the extremes of women who have used gold digger like ploys on them, or women who have in their estimation just been romanced to get in the bed - and we then make it a broad brush to paint the whole other sex as being that way. Then make it the burden of the next guy or gal to prove they are not that way.

Are there men and women gold digggers. Yes. Is every man or woman one? No. Is it wrong for a woman or man to be concerned about a positive financial future? No. Should they they exploit that issue without any true and real commitment to the other person? No.

Are there men and women who just want sex and nothing else? Yes. If every woman or man the exactly same way? No. Just because a guy or gal complements your attractiveness doesn't mean the only they are thinking about is getting you in bed.

Be up front and communicate honestly.

I think for many, they are still wrapped in a puritanical mindset of a woman would never, ever do that. After all a "good" woman doesn't do certain things is/was that mindset - and there was a deep list that included many things besides certain aspects of intimacy. FWB would of made that list. We have been conditioned throughout society that it is the woman that craves, connects, and cultivates the relationship where the man is just happy getting it from wherever and whenever he can. Both views are seriously flawed and expired thinking IMO.

If she was ready to meet me then I would be ready to meet her. No worries at all.

Perhaps they have already tried those in their areas and not been successful, so they are expanding their search.

None of what you stated IMO makes a female a gold digger. To me that term is more used for those women that blatantly try to get money out of multiple men without necessarily committing to be in a relationship with anyone. They are proud of it, brag about it with the female friends and make no bones about it, except to the guy if he calls them on it. Then the platitudes and endearments begin - not because they like the guy but because they don't want to lose out on the $$$

Wanting a guy to have a job is not an issue. I would want a lady to have a job. Somewhere, working for someone, or for herself.

Nothing wrong with it.

Hey while y'all were admiring and fawning over her, I just asked her That isn't cutting in to the head of the line, that is taking opportunity of others inactivity.

I am quite sure there are plenty of other ladies here on Mingle that you can be their Mingletine if you just ask.

This is just a fun thread everybody. Don't be so serious.

Feat

dine

teebee79 - I am asking you before the line starts at your door - err - computer. Will you be my Mingletine? Though separated by the miles, I will be the best Mingletine ever for you.

Depends on when it is given and why. If it is too early in the relationship it may come off as being lame, or just another come on type line. Knowing the right time to release those feeling thru poetry to your mate is just as important as what you say.

Memories of seventh grade...memories of seventh grade...memories of seventh grade....scarred me for life. Didn't even try to date again until college.

All I can say is no matter how is starts it always ends up with a woman not knowing what her name is when we are finished... At least for a couple of hours! LOL.

Kissing is part of the total attraction to me. Gotta be able to do it and enjoy it.

Nothing wrong with any of that. Hope that you are able to find him!