Old Pa Jones tells Old Ma Jones that he's going into town today to apply for Social Security. Ma says, "But Pa, you don't have a birth certificate. How are you going to show your age?"
"Now don't worry, Ma," says Pa, and leaves for town. Sure enough he came back in a few hours and reports that he'll be getting the first check in just three weeks.
"So, how'd ya prove your age?" asks Ma.
"Easy," says Pa, smiling. "I just unbuttoned my shirt and showed 'em all the grey hairs on my chest."
"Well, while you were at it," scolds Ma, "why didn't you drop your pants and apply for disability?"

I would be one of those people

*cringe* ew

I pick from that? I'd say the mystery plate because anyone would pass out from the basketball players shoes

my turn, I would rather eat manure or have sex with an entire fleet of navy seamen lmao

lol it's all good fun, no worries. you got me everytime, I was thinking geez do I have to explain this?

meanie. lol

ooh camels, anyway, that's hilarious I bet he got the animal not the cigarette.

lmao she was talking about how he couldn't get her off that he was sooo tiny that it wasn't even worth the effort, but when she said so long sucker he pulled his lips wide as if to say liar and said so long b i t c h lol

*shrugs* ok, I'm sorry, he pulled his lips apart to show how far tehy have to go if she was sucking him....now?

lmao its saying she lied and that he was rather large

wow congrats! boy or girl?

lmao, redneck? only they can make up words like that! that's great

uh yeah, they eat the girl out after they've shot off?

What's the definition of mixed emotions?
When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new mercedes.

Did you hear about the latest over-the-counter scare?
Someone slipped Krazy Glue into Preparation H.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her when she REally misbehaved?
They left the plunger in the toilet.

Did you hear about the Polish terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?
He burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.

was it a bad one?

was it a bad one?

The divorce case was an especially acrimonious one, as the wife was suing on the grounds that her husband completely failed to satisfy her. "Frankly," she advised the court in a stage whisper, "he was so poorly endowed-and I mean tiny-that it just wasn't even worth the effort."
The sympathetic judge awarded a large cash settlement to the woman, and as she left the stand and walked past her husband, she hissed, "So long sucker."
Sticking a finger in each corner of his mouth and pulling it as wide as possible, he said, "so long *****."

Three reasons:
They go deep in the bush
They always shoot twice
And they always eat what they shoot.

It was late at night, and the tired cabbie was on his last run of the night. Reaching the destination, he said to the little old lady in the back saet, "That'll be 8 bucks please."
There was no answer, so thinking her hearing might be at fault, he said loudly, "Lady, the fare is 8 bucks."
Still no response. So he turned around, only to ne greeted by the sight of the elderly woman hoisting her skirts and spreading her legs, no underwear impairing his view.

"Well, sonny," she cackled, "will this be payment enough?"
"Aw lady," he sighed, "doncha have anything smaller?

that's great. loved it!