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Community > Posts By > Sandelwood4
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Topic:
Are you unconventional?
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Since I think and feel different than most I would probably fall in that category.
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Topic:
First cut
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Is this a cultural or personal concern?
I don't think it's a problem but if it bothers you a lot it may become a problem in your relationship down the line. |
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Topic:
where are the ladies?
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why are the ladies not hooking me up? I need someone to love! 1. Because we have no idea who you are. 2. Why would we hook anyone up? We're not a dating service. 3. We're not pimps. 4. It's not our responsibility to hook you up. 5. You're in Nigeria???? 6. You have 3 posts. 7. We all need someone to love. Does that answer your question? |
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Edited by
Sandelwood4
on
Fri 09/23/11 01:32 PM
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My marriage was great! I didn't want to lose my husband. But he developed cancer last year and passed away...There's a big difference between being a widow or widower and deciding to end a marriage through a divorce. Don't you think?...I went through a divorce earlier in life. My first marriage ended due to conflicts and unresolved problems. It was a sad time. But in the end I was ready to be "free" again...But I wasn't ready to end my last marriage. Things were going great! I wanted to stay married. But my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and died 13 months later...Anyway I think we're in "different places" when we find ourselves single again. Some of us have walked out of "unhappy marriages." And some of us planned to stay married and wanted to stay married but our spouse died. Sad!....How do you feel about it? Thanks. I think you have a very valid point. Divorce- you wanted to get rid of them, or weer forced to get out against your will. Death- They were taken/ stolen from you. Both require a certain grieving period. But divorce leaves more marks and possible scars then losing one to death. Both can scare you enough to not want to try again. Great insights. In addition to that, I think losing a partner through death can make a valuable relationship even more appreciated. Anytime someone you care about dies, your perspectives changes and you value things you may have taken for granted. On the other hand someones personality and situation might be so unique that a divorce or death affects them equally. Difficult to predict as situations are so different. |
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Topic:
Dating Rules
Edited by
Sandelwood4
on
Fri 09/23/11 09:36 AM
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Another rule that I hate is the expectation that the man has to pay for the date. I do enjoy being invited but I'm a sincerity freak. I don't want to be treated to something based on the fact alone that we're on a date. If he wants to treat me or if I want to it, it should be because it's an authentic desire, unrelated to expectations and unrelated to our relationship status (friend, date, family, acquaintance).
One internal rule I have when I feel uncomfortable about someone paying my bill is, I ask myself would this person be as generous to one of his buddies? |
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Topic:
Getting to know each other
Edited by
Sandelwood4
on
Thu 09/22/11 08:51 PM
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Three Names I go by
1. Sandelwood 2. Sandalwood 3. From The Moon Three Jobs I have had in my life 1. Educator 2. Subtitle Editor 3. Voice-Over Talent Three Places I have lived 1. Turkey 2. Germany 3. USA Three TV Shows that I watch 1. Weeds 2. N/A 3. N/A Three places I have been 1. France 2. Italy 3. Greece People that e-mail me regularly 1. My dad 2. Friends 3. Cyber friends Three of my favorite foods 1. Avocado egg rolls 2. Spaghetti Bolognese 3. Home cooked meals Three friends I think will respond 1. I don’t know 2. I don’t know 3. I don’t know 3 Things I am looking forward to 1. My next dream 2. Graduation 3. My next date |
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Topic:
Dating Rules
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I've heard of some dating rules before which are basically certain expectations. No rules here other than common sense. This means I expect the same in return. I look for complete sincerity. No waiting for 3 days to return calls back etc.
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Topic:
Insecurities
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Well, I can tell you what I know. I can't say it's exactly the male perspective, but here it is, anyway: As a man living in Ohio, a man is expected to be forward and make the first move, but really it's not as formal as you might think, and neither is it so difficult; I will explain. First, let me say that I suck at talking up a woman and taking her home in some meat-market environment. But I don't think that's really what we're talking about, here, so allow me to continue. A couple of posters have inquired what a good date might be: dinner, movie, etc. The consensus was, and I agree, that something casual where you can talk is appropriate. I would like to add that the activity should be something that YOU like to do, and something that YOU were going to go do, anyway. If you're not comfortable being in public by yourself, treating yourself to dinner, or enjoying a live band by yourself, then you need to start doing that. Being comfortable with yourself is a great prerequisite to inviting someone else to join along. That also decreases the rejection factor if your offer isn't taken. Heck, you were going to go anyway. People are more likely to join you, or even to bring friends if a) they are interested, but b) have the same fears you have about it being a big scary "date". Meanwhile, be positive and fun in all that you do. That's a very attractive trait for friends and lovers, and when you're all alone... you can be your own party. Good luck! This advise is excellent for dating in general. This works for me really well not just with dating related issues but also with flakey friends. |
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Topic:
Chronic pain
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Sandlewood and CutiePie: If you are interested in Feldenkrais/somatics but classes aren't available or cost too much, check out this book: Somatics-Reawakening the Mind's Control of Movement, Flexibility, and Health by Thomas Hanna. My copy cost about $10. Sorry it took me so long to find it and report back, but the class I took was based on the exercises they show in this book and it really helped me. Thank you. :) |
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Anything that gives me the chance to talk to them and get to know them better. No movies! Movies are not good for first dates, as you can't sit and talk. Yes, and also a bit creepy to sit in the dark next to a stranger. |
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Topic:
Dating
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This seems to be a common problem between couples.
My thoughts on this is that it puts a lot of pressure and work on the partner who has to end up making all the decisions all the time. It's more considerate if you make suggestions once in a while, to show her that you care, that you're excited enough to have thought and gathered ideas what you might want to do. She can always say no, and your flexibility and understanding would still be appreciated and very considerate. It is a nice thing to give people the option to make decisions but it is more important to be in tune with each other and plan accordingly. It shows that you can be assertive. |
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Topic:
where are the ladies?
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1. You hardly post. 2. You're only looking for sex. 3. Maybe they're looking for vertical people?   
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Topic:
hey girls
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According to your profile you aint got much to say and you wrote a post saying "hey girls".
Other than that, luck isn't treating me any better. It seems as if online dating isn't a whole lot different than dating in real life. |
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Topic:
ASSUMPTIONS
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You guys are also forgetting the fact that some people join the military because they can't do anything else but maybe flip burgers or were just plain trouble kids. Remember the threat some kids would get back in the day? "You better shape up or I'm sending you off to military school!" So yeah, while some have noble intentions, others join so they have their school paid for, others so they can travel and see the world, while others just have no other avenue to take. Yep, my x husband (the one on restraining order) got his Phd paid through his military service. |
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Topic:
ASSUMPTIONS
Edited by
Sandelwood4
on
Wed 09/21/11 11:28 AM
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One wise guy says to another: "Why join the Army? Its just a guy you don't know telling you to wack another guy you don't know."  (I thought that really made sense on a personal basis.)
  I like that.
The things is I am very unpatriotic and anti war for so many reasons on so many levels. But let's just leave it at that. 
also anti war here oddly some anti war people I have met are military or ex military - fight one and learn to hate it, I guess Double post. |
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Topic:
ASSUMPTIONS
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One wise guy says to another: "Why join the Army? Its just a guy you don't know telling you to wack another guy you don't know." (I thought that really made sense on a personal basis.)
I like that.
The things is I am very unpatriotic and anti war for so many reasons on so many levels. But let's just leave it at that.
also anti war here oddly some anti war people I have met are military or ex military - fight one and learn to hate it, I guess Wow. I believe it. And some get brain washed. |
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The answer is simple. No.
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Topic:
ASSUMPTIONS
Edited by
Sandelwood4
on
Tue 09/20/11 09:17 PM
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One wise guy says to another: "Why join the Army? Its just a guy you don't know telling you to wack another guy you don't know." (I thought that really made sense on a personal basis.)
I like that.
The things is I am very unpatriotic and anti war for so many reasons on so many levels. But let's just leave it at that.
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Topic:
Question for the ladies
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I'll probably get hit over the head by both genders for saying this, but I don't like it when these forums turn in to generalizations and become men against women and women against men. 
well I won;t be hitting you over the head because I agree completely - I do not like the gender wars in here - I mean a few cute jokes once is awhile is fine but what really gets me is that this is a DATING SITE - bashing the opposite gender in the threads may not be the best way to impress the opposite gender 
I know I'd be reluctant to date a man who had hostility toward women as a gender or who tended to make negative generalizations (called mysogyny) about females The slaphead guy cracked me up.
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Topic:
Question for the ladies
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Haha, I think some of you are reading too much into this. It was meant to be a simple musing / half joke. The generalizations are funny because for the most part they are true. Individual experiences don't mean much to me because, sure, you dated a guy / girl who was this or that and while it's interesting to hear your story, it doesn't do much to help us understand or explain the other gender as a whole. But Aries, how do you expect to learn about the the other gender before learning your own or yourself? Even the desire alone, you wanting to learn about women, says something about yourself. (This is true with everyone about everything). The rest (i.e gender difference ) will follow and reveal itself in ways no one here or anywhere else can tell you. PS: To me your musing wasn't funny or offensive, at least not in a gender related way. That's why responded sincerely.
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