Hm, I've never heard of this bias either. If he was a liberal, open minded, caring person who was interested in me and I'm interested in him and I'm attracted to him then yes, I'd date him. But as we all know our profession doesn't do us justice as far as who we are as an individual.

That's why I said I would if I had a reason to.

Everyone is so different. It boils down to who you are and your preferences.

When it comes to new people in my life or people I don’t know well yet, I feel most comfortable with dates that are arranged ahead of time. I am more spontaneous with friends or people I have already established relationships with but with new people I don’t like surprises and am less willing to receive invitations on the spur of the moment. I never feel like I would miss out something in those situations. I only want to meet people who are interested enough in me beyond a short notice even if we would have a good time hooking up at a moments notice.

Also, if someone new or someone I never met before was late over 1/2 hr I would prefer to reschedule.

In person I’m very respectful of other people’s privacy, so I rarely approach them unless I have a reason to. It’s a difficult to imagine a situation. Maybe someone who is willing to make eye contact with me?

Online I never feel like it’s a matter of approaching someone. I post what’s on my mind and am thankful for the responses. I take what’s helpful and leave alone what’s not.

I'm a gray-a demisexual. So I don't experience depersonalized sexual attraction to anyone. However, if I had a strong emotional bond to you after a LONG time there is a possibility.

Generally I am very approachable but I can be also VERY unapproachable.
I respond differently based on peoples agendas, sincerity, and their goal.

If I know they come from a sincere place I will be the most approachable person on the planet. If I have no idea what they want from me or am unsure, I will still be very approachable but if there is manipulation or negativity involved, good luck if you even get "Hi" out of me.

I think most people would prefer your way. For me the pro's don't outweigh the cons.

I have done the phone thing and learned that it doesn't help me get to know someone better. On the contrary, I have this image in my head based on voice and conversation that never matches reality. That's why skip the phone phase and dive right in to face to face.

It is so rare that I find someone physically and personality-wise attractive that Id rather see for myself in person who he is if the first few emails go well.

Chances of me being late is extremely slim and if he is late, I'll wait 1/2 hr. I only do things I would do on my own anyway, that way it's not any inconvenience. If he is late, he is late and he can write later what happened. Good way to get to know someone.I can't change him being late anyway, so I don't feel like I need to know right at that moment.

I never give out my last name, e-mail, or phone until I have met someone in person. Home address is not an option until I know first where he lives, have spend weeks or months with no bad vibes and until I am sure it’s safe. I’m very comfortable talking about myself with people I click with. As long as it’s mutual and people are interested I will talk and I am able to do that because I do not give out the traceable info right away.

I do not like to be in situations where I have to dodge a call or change my number. Ugh, such an unpleasant feeling both for me and the other person. Why go through that if you can meet in person instead and then give out your true unblocked number when you know that it’s really what you want to do? People whom I click with usually understand this and don’t mind at all. This makes giving out your info so much more enjoyable because it comes naturally and is much more sincere.

Very good question.
I think everyone wants to be themselves. It’s just, as many already indicated, that they have to be tactful and be considered to others. Sometimes that could mean holding back even though others are not. I am always myself but there are times where part of being myself means I react to someones comment strongly or in an extreme. I have to step back and think about why that is and I try to be fair to the poster and to make sure what I perceive is not a misunderstanding.

Hi Leigh and Oldhippy,
I think as an individual who always looks at the whole picture I have discovered various vibes regarding him but none are “creepy” creepy or make me feel unsafe. As a principle, no matter how safe I feel, I would never put myself at risk and I understand that people are only giving me their take on the case based on a fraction of my side of the story. I totally appreciate the input. You guys have been awesome.

Now that some time passed this is what my instincts are continuing to tell me:
He is not 40. He has a huge crush on me and is not as experienced with relationships to begin with but ready to fall in love with a sweet girl. He probably saw my profile and thought to himself that’s it, I want someone like her. He’s into morals and courting his love and who knows, maybe he thought I fit the bill. In the initial e-mails he has told me that his goal is to earn my trust.

The part that threw me off was the sweet talk and that he doesn’t look his age. Of course also the question, do I want to get involved with someone half my age and someone who lies about it even though his intentions come from an insecure and innocent place. Unfortunately it is equally inappropriate for me to ask him for his ID which I’m sure he would show me with no hesitation (if he is telling the truth) since he is trying so hard to please me in any way possible.

Maybe he is 40 but I can’t allow myself to have feelings for him until I know who he really is. I have already told him that I would rather continue spending time with him in person. This is because I’m trying to avoid any situations where he or I could bond prematurely if we start e-mail and phone conversations during the week when we can’t see each other. Since he wears his heart on his sleeve, and I tend to be the same once I get to know someone, I feel like I have to be responsible for his and my own sake.

I’ll post again soon to keep you posted for the ones who are interested. Thanks for your kind and honest opinions. I am touched by all the caring responses from every single poster.

I hear you, people. That part is not.

Kind of true.

I'm realizing again that there is no short cut in getting to know someone.

Yes, you're so right msharmony.

He actually just wrote me asking again when is a good time to call me because he doesn't want to cold call me. He is aware of my standoffishness and wants to communicate and do whatever is necessary to fix what needs to be fixed.

I finally know what I need to do, which is exactly what I wanted to do before I met him. Get to know him better in person. I don't want to talk over the phone.

Thanks everyone for being such a great sounding board.

Thanks for the honest responses.
I haven’t given you all the info cause I didn’t want to bombard you with the details but it might help. He is divorced since 2008 with no baggage, moved to LA 6 moth ago for good.

On the other site I have stated in my profile that I’d like to not reveal any personal info such as name, e-mail, phone etc. until we meet a few times. He has been extremely patient, understanding, and respectful of that. When we met last weekend I didn’t get any bad vibes, so now we have each others first name and phone number (I don’t have texting and don’t use it). Then, while we were exchanging numbers, (I don’t know why) but I asked him to call me to make sure the number I gave him is correct. Later that day when I checked his call I realized it was a “no caller ID”.

I asked him what that’s about. Now you have to realize, we are still using the other sites message system since we didn’t exchange personal e-mails. He hasn’t called me yet cause he hasn’t gotten a huge embrace from me regarding wanting to talk over the phone (I’m more of a face to face person) and although he is available to receive my call “any time” I’m not calling him until I know how I want to proceed. This is why I’m posting here so I can get some perspective.

He wrote that his number is not blocked, that it was his direct number and that he uses Google Voice for convenience sake. I told him I still don’t understand, that I only mentioned it because I was surprised and I don’t answer No caller ID’s. He also said he switched to a different area code over the weekend and it is possible the number has not been updated in the mobile phone system. I don't buy it.

Anyway, since I’m a morning person and he works 11am - 7:30 pm I told him we could hang out for happy hour on weekends, dinner or explore the city. I get the feeling he wants me to show him around or initiate the next meeting or the first phone call because he is being respectful not to crowd me and because he doesn’t know the city that well yet, but I don’t really feel like initiated anything. I feel telling someone we can hang out to meet is enough. He should man up and ask me out. Maybe he will but I have been really distant because of all of this and haven’t encouraged him since.

So he is definitely not crowding me. I told him getting to know someone takes time, which is why I didn’t want him to give up his profile on the site after we met. To that he said he doesn’t expect to be the one for me and that he understands if I want to keep my options open. He is fine taking our time to get know each other and invited me to call him.

My messages have been shorter and more reserved. I guess my question is should I give him a chance in getting to know each other if he does ask me out? And how do I ever know if what he tells me is true without knowing anything about him.

Krupa, I understand your comment as a compliment. Thank you, but I just think he is a bit insecure or immature and trying too hard to gain my trust and not succeeding.

I met a nice and cute guy from another site who is very respectful of my privacy and boundaries. He is understanding and down to earth. I really do believe his interest in me is sincere but he seems like he is trying too hard. While I intent to get to know him in public places for a while I don’t know exactly how to articulate my hesitation, so I hope I won’t be misunderstood because I really do like nice guys.

Maybe it’s best to give some examples. In his profile he lists all the things that’s supposed to make him credible as a datable guy but these are given things or not worth mentioning in my opinion, like loyal, no DUI's, has his own place, a good job with benefits (I don’t need to know that), no children (which is a repeated as the status already indicates that) etc... He stresses how important it is for him to "meet the needs of his lady." He goes on and on about that. He assured me out of the blue that he won’t abuse my number. I didn’t even think about the possibility until he mentioned it. I understand all of this may be because he is old school and from the Midwest, and I’m not. Still, so far this is not a problem.

He says he is 40 (I’m 47) but when I met him and in his pictures he looks younger. I don’t have a problem with 7 year difference although I’d feel awkward if he was younger than that. In our conversations he makes me feel like I’m his mother or I am his boss. He takes being polite to an extreme. He thanked me several times now for writing him back when I don’t even feel it is necessary. He uses words like he is honored to have met me. I don’t feel like his equal but it’s important to me that we are.

We only wrote each other for a week and met once and he is already writing things like “Gosh I love saying your name”, or “goodnight, my precious (my name)”.

Is it not too soon to be saying things like that? What is my gut trying to tell me (just wondering out loud) and why do i feel like I’m dealing with a 34 year old? No offense intended. Just trying to get some perspective. Any thoughts, my fellow Mingle friends?

Exactly. I couldn't agree more. When it comes to dating and relationships I'm not interested in a man who opens door for me because I'm a woman but because that is what he does for the people he cares about in his life. This could and should include his male friends as well. And blueeyes is right too. Women's lib has nothing to do with chivalry cause it's not about "wearing the pants" or "wanting it both ways". It's about being treated the way you would treat someone else.

Hitler would have been nobody if people didn’t follow his footsteps. Patriotism did not help in this instance and with a few exceptions it was a certain passivity of the Germans that contributed to this horrible brutality. I see the same phenomena at smaller scales on a daily basis in religion, gangs, white supremacists, and prejudice in general.

I don’t have the answers for all the injustice and cruelty that’s part of our life but I do know that fighting violence with violence is not the answer.

If we could learn from past mistakes (and this true for all races since Hitler and Germans are not the only ones who committed genocide) I would begin with prevention tactics and then focus on rehabilitation. After all, hate, torture, and sick behavior at this rate often starts with greed, fear, religion, and patriotism of some sort at some level, but the people committing the acts are often victims themselves who are the product of "a" society. I don’t believe people are born evil, misguided, insecure, or lacking alternatives. If they were we would have scientific proof of that by now, which we don’t.

This of course doesn’t mean we shouldn’t protect or defend ourselves. If the armed forces approached training with this view and better yet worked closely with humanitarian organizations I would be more likely to embrace it.

So are you awake yet?

Those are guidelines that can be set between partners in the relationship, just the way they agreed to be in an open relationship.

Totally up to them how they want to handle it. If I wanted to be in an open relationship (which I don't) it wouldn't matter how many. The word "open" signifies unlimited to me.

To that I can only say that my freedom can not be measured with patriotism but I respect your understanding. I would rather die than kill someone. A hero is not someone who kills in order to protect the ones of their own nationality. A hero is someone who protects humans regardless of their nationality without killing.

A dead person is somebodies child, father, brother, friend... out there somewhere. How free can we be knowing that? It is the humanitarians who are the true heroes.