lmao...that's terrible, but very funny

ROFL

So far, I've come to the same conclusion, justkev...but I figure I might as well throw out a line, you know?



-Josiah

Just wondering, I've gotten no responses to any messages I've sent on this site, so I figured maybe I'd try here.

I'm in Glendale, how about you?




-Josiah

very funny, i used to tell this one on field trips in school, haven't heard it in years

Q:What do you call testicles on a gay man?

A: Mudflaps
A: or, fruity pebbles (the answer I gave when asked this question)



all in fun,
-Josiah

good one

very, very funny

Be real with eachother, and have some fun! I'd love to be in a situation like that.

I've been asking myself this for quite some time. I've had two girlfriends thus far, neither for very long, and I really don't know why I went out with either of them in the first place. I just recently moved to Phoenix, from a small town, and I've met a few girls, asked a number of them out. All but one said yes (she had a boyfriend.) All of them that said yes, backed out at the last minute.

I've been trying different dating sites for a few months now, so far I've had zero responses, one contact. Of course, on the 'trial' sites, where you can't actually talk to them, I get 'flirts' all the time. Haven't decided to drop the money to try it out, think it's likely a scam anyway.

So, I wonder, is it me? Not sure how it can't be, though my friends say that the girls are crazy.

As for whether I think I'll find the 'one,' I don't know. If I can't even find a temporary one, how can I find "the" one?

I feel like giving up, to be honest.


-Josiah

A young man is driving around his Ferrari that he just bought, proud as can be at his new car. He pulls up to a red light, next to an old man on a moped.

The old man looks over, gets off of his moped, and says to the young man, "Hey, that's an awfully nice car! Mind if I take a look around?"

The young man, more than happy to show off, tells the man, "Sure, I just bought it, close to $200,000. She's got all leather interior, a v12 that puts out more than 500hp, custom gull-wing doors, custom exhaust, the works! I can get her up to 220mph before she tops out."

The old man tells the young man that he's got an awfully nice car, but he thinks he'll stick with his moped. The young man shakes his head, and tells the old man, "Suit yourself."

When the light turns green, the young man decides to show the old fellow just what his car can do. He floors it, and takes off in a cloud of blue smoke, tires screeching. He quickly approaches 100mph, and looks into his rear view mirror. To his amazement, the old man is about to catch up! So he floors it once more, and gets it up to 130mph. He looks into his rear view mirror, and once more, the old man is about to catch up. He floors it once more, and as he is approaching the top speed of 220mph, he looks into his rear view mirror. Sure enough, the old man is catching up, like a speeding bullet, about to blow his doors off.

The old man crashed into the back of the ferrari, and parts go flying everywhere. When they finally come to a halt, the young man gets out and goes to check on the old man, who is lying on the pavement gasping for air. He sasy to the old man, "Oh my god! Are you ok?! I didn't know a moped could go that fast!"

The old man looks at him and says, "I'm fine...but could you please unhook my overalls from your mirror?"



*cough*

-Josiah

I'd always heard that one like this:

Q: How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave

A little boy is helping his parents prepare a big thanksgiving dinner, getting everything ready to go. The mom is cooking everything up, and the husband is cleaning up the house. Everything is just about finished, the turkey is done, the house is clean. The parents get into a bit of a fight, a result of the stress put on them in the situation. During the fight, the mom calls the dad an a****** the husband calls his wife a b*tch

The little boy asks them what each word means. The mom tells the boy that an a****** is a term for a gentleman, and the dad tells the boy that a b**** is another word for a lady.

Before long, the mom and dad appologize to eachother, and begin having passionate sex. During the sex, the mom tells the dad that she loves his **** and the dad tells his wife that he loves her tits. The boy asks what tits and a **** is. They tell him that a **** is another word for a coat, and tits is another word for a hat.

The mom and dad then begin the finishing preperations, the mom is cutting up the turkey, and the dad is in the bathroom shaving. The little boy hears the mom say f*ck, when she cuts her finger. He asks her what the word means, and she tells him that it's something you do to a turkey.

The boy goes into the bathroom, and his dad nicks himself with the razor, and the dad exclaims sh*t! The boy asks the dad what that particular word means, and the dad tells him that it's something you do when you're shaving.

The doorbell rings, and the dad tells his son to go answer the door. The boy opens the door, sees a crowd of people there waiting to be left in, and so the boy says to them:

"B*tches and A******s, may I take your tits and ****s? Mom is in the kitchen f**king the turkey, and dad is in the bathroom putting sh*t on his face."




(now that i've typed all that out, i'm not entirely sure it was worth the effort...lol)
,
-Josiah

lol...that's terrible

I guess you guys didn't like this one

A young man, just recently married, is a traveling salesman. He's often gone from home for weeks at a time, sometimes overseas. He's worried about his wifes fidelity, since he's gone so often. Since he is about to leave for close to a month and a half, he decides to go to the adult store, and see if he can find something to help keep his wifes desires down, until he can get back.

So, the man drives to an adult store, and asks the guy behind the counter what he would recommend. The guy behind the counter tells him that he's got JUST the thing, and he disappears into the back. The guy comes back out holding an ornately carved wooden box, covered in years and years of dust. The husband asks what it is, and the guy tells him that it's a magic dildo. He tells the husband that he can virtually guarantee his wifes fidelity, as long as she has this magic dildo.

The husband agrees that this is what he needs, and so he buys it. The man tells him that to use it, you simply take it out of the box, and say "Magic dildo" and then whatever you want it to do. However, there is a magic word, and only this magic word can get the dildo to stop, once it starts going. He tells the husband the magic word, and the husband goes merrily on his way home.

When he gets home, he presents the gift to his wife, and tells her that he bought her a magic dildo. She's reluctant to believe him, until he says, "Magic dildo, my wife!"

The dildo starts going to town on his wife, and pretty soon, she is breathless, and telling him that she believes him. He says the magic word, and the dildo stops.

Well, the husband leaves town, and pretty soon, the wife starts feeling lonely. She gets the magic dildo out of the box, and says, "Magic dildo, my *****!" The dildo starts going crazy, and she has orgasm after orgasm. After a time, she decides that she has had enough, and so she wants to get the magic dildo to stop. But, she forgot the word! She screams every word she can think of, but none of them get the dildo to stop.

Desperate to get it to stop, she gets in her car, and starts RACING off to find the adult store where it was bought. She's driving a hundred mph, with the magic dildo going as strong as ever.

Pretty soon, she gets pulled over by a police officer. The officer walks up to the window, and asks her why she was driving so fast. She tells him the entire story, about the magic dildo. When she's done, the police officer, with his hands on his hips, says..."Magic dildo my ass!"



-Josiah

cutietwo55, How do you tell if a blonde has been on your computer?

glad you liked it

A blonde lady is driving across the country, when she sees another blonde woman sitting in a row boat in the middle of a wheat field rowing like there's no tomorrow. She stops her vehicle, gets out, and yells to the blonde in the row boat, "You know, it's blondes like you who give us a bad name! And if I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your ass!"



*cough*
-Josiah

A blonde has a particularly bad fear of horses. When she was young, she was thrown off, and enarly trampled, and has never been able to confront her fear. One day, she decides that enough is enough, she is going to face her fear.

So, she climbs atop the horse. So far, so good. Pretty soon, the horse starts to walk, and then trot, and then gallop. The blonde is having the time of her life! Everything is going so well! Then she starts to slip, and pretty soon she is hanging off the side of the horse, her foot caught in the stirrup, her head being pounded on the ground. Terrified, she screams for help, hoping someone will come to her rescue.

That's when the carnival employee turned off the merry-go-round.




-Josiah