I didn't check Snopes or Hoaxbusters

to see if this actually works or

if it's a scam or hoax.


It has been said that.....

If you ever get the sudden

urge to run around naked,

you should spray yourself with

some Windex imediately......

It'll keep you from streaking.

i think i am FED-UP with some of these threads

10 years, the way people hide and the outlandish screen names

this is one election that scares the hell out of me, i think this country of ours is gonna be in deep doo-doo very soon, worse than it is now, but i agree with you kojack

>
> A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on.
>
> He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.
>
> He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his "private part" hanging out.
>
> "I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said.
>
> "I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school”.

A little old Jewish man is walking down the street one afternoon
> when he sees a woman with perfect breasts.
>
> He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for
> $100?"
>
> "Are you nuts?!!!" she replies, and keeps walking away.
>
> He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner
> before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000
> dollars?" he asks again.
>
> "Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"
>
> So the little old Jewish man runs around the next block and faces
> her again; "Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000
dollars?"
>
> She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars;
> Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."
>
> So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal > the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he
> grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing
> them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.
>
> The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite
> them or not?"
>
> "Nah", says the little old Jewish man... "Costs too much..."
>

The CIA had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!'
The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.'The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'


Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. There was screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.
The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. 'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the chair.'


MORAL: Women are crazy. Don't mess with them.

Springtime in the
Rockies,you just got to love it!!!
(winter ended January 1)

i have spent a fortune on women over the years, but it was because of love that i spent the money, not that she wanted me to or needed me to.she slept with me anyway. a very big differance. i will screw your eyes out, you buy me a car or whatever, ok joe??

im waiting for an honest one to vote for!!

if you can find one and look her in the eye and not puke, best of luck to you

Toto, were not in Kansas anymore!!!!

sounds like you are not ready for anything yet, might be best to keep up the self-imposed exile for a bit longer, when your ready you will know it, you wont need to ask.

roflmao

go with the flow, send him an email

dont be so hard on yourself last, you'll do better, someday.

HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES

( Lovers of Words)

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger; Then it hit me.
-----------------------------------------------------
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
-----------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
-----------------------------------------------------
The biggest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
------------------------------------------------------
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
------ ------------------------------------------------
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
------------------------------------------------------
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
------------------------------------------------------
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
----------------------------------------- --------------
Did you hear about the thief who stole a calendar and got twelve months?
-------------------------------------------------------
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement and became a hardened criminal.
-------------------------------------------------------
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
--------------------------------------------------------
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
----------------------------------------------------------
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
-----------------------------------------------------------
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
-----------------------------------------------------------
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
-----------------------------------------------------------
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
-----------------------------------------------------------
A will is a dead giveaway.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
-------------------------------------------------------------
A backward poet writes inverse.
-------------------------------------------------------------
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
--------------------------------------------------------------
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
--------------------------------------------------------------
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
--------------------------------------------------------------
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
---------------------------------------------------------------
The guy who fell into the upholstery machine was fully recovered.
----------------------------------------------------------------
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'Taint mine.
------------------------------------------------------------------
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
------------------------------------------------------------------
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
----------------- --------------------------------------------------
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
If you jump off a Paris bridge you are in Seine.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
-------------------------------------------------------------------- Acupuncture: a jab well done.

>
> A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and
> listened to her prayers which she ended by saying: "God bless Mommy,
>
> God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
>
> The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
> The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the
> thing to do." The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a
> strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to
> bed and listened to her prayers which went like this:
>
> "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye
>
> Grandma.." The next day the grandmother died. Oh my
> gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
> Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her
> say:
>
> "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
>
> He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got
> up at the crack-of-dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat
> all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he
> could get by until midnight he would be okay.
>
> He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the
> day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping
> at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of
> relief and went home.
>
> When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you
> work so late, what's the matter?" He said "I don't
> want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
>
> She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what
> happened to me.
> This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!"
>

(sp)