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| Topic: The Swearing Pianist (Warning. Language and content may offe | |
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Edited by
uk1971
on
Tue 02/05/08 08:21 AM
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This guy walks into the poshest restaurant in town and says,
"Where's the god damn, mother f*cking Manager you c*ck sucking arse wipe." The waiter is naturally taken aback and replies, "Excuse me, sir, but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can." The manager comes over and the bloke asks, "Are you the chicken f*cking manager of this bastard joint?". "Yes, sir, I am," replies the manager, "and I would prefer it if you could refrain from speaking such profanities in this, a private restaurant". "F*ck off!" replies the guy. "And where's the f*cking piano?" "Pardon?" says the manager. "F*cking deaf as well are we? You little piece of sniveling sh!t, show us your pissing piano." "Ahhhh," replies the manager. "You've come about the pianist's job," and shows the guy to the piano. "Can you play any blues?" "Of course I f*cking can," and the guy proceeds to play the most inspiring and beautiful sounding honky tonk blues that the manager has ever heard. "Why, that's superb, what's it called?" "I want to f*ck your missus on the sofa but the springs keep hurting my knob," replies the pianist. The manager is a bit disturbed and asks if the guy knows any jazz. The bloke proceeds to play the most melancholy jazz solo the manager has ever heard. "Magnificent!" cries the manager. "What's it called?" "I wanted a wank over the washin' machine but my bollocks got caught in the soap drawer". The manager is a tad embarrassed and asks if he knows any romantic ballads, the bloke then plays the most heartbreaking melody. "And what's this called?" asks the manager. "As I f*ck you under the stars with the moonlight shining off your hairy ring-piece," replies the guy. The manager is highly upset by the guys language but offers him the job on condition that he doesn't introduce any of his songs or talk to any of the customers. This arrangement works well for a couple of months until one night, sitting opposite him, is the most gorgeous blonde he has ever laid his eyes on. She's wearing an almost see through dress, her tits are almost falling out the top and the skimpy little 'G' string she's wearing is riding up the crack of her ass. She is sitting there with her legs slightly open, sucking suggestively on asparagus shoots and the butter is dripping down her chin! It's too much for the guy and he runs off to the toilet to 'wrestle with his bald headed champ'. He's pulling away furiously when he hears the manager's voice... "Where's that bloody pianist?" He just has time to shoot his bolt and in a fluster he runs back to the piano, not having bothered to adjust himself properly, sits down and starts playing some more tunes. The blonde steps up and walks over to the piano, leans over and whispers in his ear: "Do you know your knob and balls are hanging out your trousers and dripping spunk on your shoes?". "Know it," the pianist replies, "I f*cking wrote it!"  
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roflmao
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