Funny Apple Love .

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
Crisp Cringle.
Why does a duck have tail feathers?
To cover its butt-quack.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.

Nice JulieABush

A little old lady went to buy cat food. She picked up three cans, but was told by the clerk, "I'm sorry, but we can't sell this to you without proof you have a cat. Too many seniors are buying cat foot to eat. Management wants proof that you are buying this for your cat." So the lady went home, brought in her cat and was sold the cat food. . . . The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food and was again told she couldn't buy them without proof. So the lady went home, brought in her dog and was sold the dog food. . . .One day later, she brought in a box with a hole in the lid and asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, "No, you might have a snake in there." The lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box, quickly pulled it out and exclaimed, "That smells like crap." . . . The lady replied, "It is. I want to buy eight rolls of toilet paper."

A little old lady went to buy cat food. She picked up three cans, but was told by the clerk, "I'm sorry, but we can't sell this to you without proof you have a cat. Too many seniors are buying cat foot to eat. Management wants proof that you are buying this for your cat." So the lady went home, brought in her cat and was sold the cat food. . . . The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food and was again told she couldn't buy them without proof. So the lady went home, brought in her dog and was sold the dog food. . . .One day later, she brought in a box with a hole in the lid and asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, "No, you might have a snake in there." The lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box, quickly pulled it out and exclaimed, "That smells like crap." . . . The lady replied, "It is. I want to buy eight rolls of toilet paper."

🤧

Funny Apple Love .
Why did the man decide to sell his vacuum?
It was gathering dust.
Why can’t the lifeguards save the hippies?
Because they’re too far out.
How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm?
Just look for the Fresh Prints.

Nice

Enjoy Viv...nice of you dropping by ...share jokes too.Welcome at mingle too

Two Irish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat, and one says to the other. "I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd." Her companion replies. "But if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

As they sit, they hear a pushcart vendor yelling. "Hot dogs, get your dogs here." And they both walk towards the hot dog cart.

"Two dogs, please!" Says one. The vendor is very pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over.

Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs'

The mother superior is first to open hers.

She begins to blush, and then after staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and in a soft brogue whispers. "What part did you get?" 🤣

FUNNY

Why do shoemakers go to Heaven?
They have great souls.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, but no atmosphere.

Funny JulieABush

A little old lady went into the Bank one day, carrying a bag of money. She asked to speak with the bank president to open an account because, "It's a lot of money!" The reluctant staff finally ushered her into his office. The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash on his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The old lady said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president. That night, he was very nervous about the bet and often checked his balls in the mirror. The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president said, "What wrong with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 am today, I'd have the Bank president's balls in my hand

Four Catholic mothers were having coffee together and discussing how wonderful their children are.

The first mother says, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father.'"

The second mother says, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace.'"

The third woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a Cardinal. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence.'"

The fourth woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her a subtle, "Well?" She replies, "My son is a handsome, 6' 3" hard-bodied, Chippendale's stripper. When he walks into a room, all the women say, 'Oh, my God!'"

hehheeeheeeheee

A man bought a lie detector robot. Every time the robot detects a lie, it slaps the liar.

He decided to test it at dinner on his son, who he suspected of often lying to him.

DAD: Son where were you today during school hours?

SON: "At school." Robot slaps son. "Ouch! Okay okay, I went to the movies!"

DAD: "Which one?"

SON: Harry Potter Robot slaps son again. "Ow! Okay, jeez - I was watching an adult movie, okay?"

DAD: "What?? When I was your age I didn’t even know those existed!" Robot slaps Dad.

MOM: "Hahaha! He's your son, after all!"

Robot slaps mother.🤣