Community > Jokes & Funny Stories

Previous 1 2 … 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 Next

Topic: another Joke
Unknow Joined Thu 04/01/10 Posts: 1482	Wed 09/07/22 06:44 PM
What's worse than giving Willie Nelson a bj.....finding out he's not Willie Nelson

Unknow Joined Thu 04/01/10 Posts: 1482	Wed 09/07/22 06:44 PM
What's worse than giving Willie Nelson a bj.....finding out he's not Willie Nelson

JulieABush Joined Thu 01/26/17 Posts: 3720	Tue 09/13/22 02:13 PM
What does a lioness call her mate? Her mane squeeze.

Apple of Your EYES Joined Mon 03/15/21 Posts: 5477	Wed 09/14/22 05:36 AM
A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a salary raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost. After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, "Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us." Silence fell over the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand and finally said in her frail voice, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers." The entire congregation said "Amen."

Unknow Joined Wed 06/27/18 Posts: 101536	Wed 09/14/22 06:11 AM
A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a salary raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost. After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, "Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us." Silence fell over the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand and finally said in her frail voice, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers." The entire congregation said "Amen." Cute joke, Apple

Apple of Your EYES Joined Mon 03/15/21 Posts: 5477	Wed 09/14/22 08:21 AM
Cute joke, Apple River...tnx for dropping by and lol...u can contribute too..share ur jokes

JulieABush Joined Thu 01/26/17 Posts: 3720	Wed 09/14/22 02:15 PM
Funny Apple Love .

Douglas Joined Thu 04/21/22 Posts: 359	Wed 09/14/22 06:40 PM
I just found out my partner is cheating on me. She said "I'll be home in 20 minutes max." My name is Douglas, not Max.

JulieABush Joined Thu 01/26/17 Posts: 3720	Thu 09/15/22 03:20 AM
Funny .

IUBasketball Joined Fri 05/22/09 Posts: 1566	Mon 09/19/22 03:44 PM
Doctor: Bad news, you have terminal cancer and Alzheimer's. Patient: That's not so bad I could have had cancer.

Sparky Joined Mon 01/24/22 Posts: 233	Fri 09/23/22 12:13 PM
Doctor: Bad news, you have terminal cancer and Alzheimer's. Patient: That's not so bad I could have had cancer. Jeez LOL

Apple of Your EYES Joined Mon 03/15/21 Posts: 5477	Fri 09/23/22 03:53 PM
Doctor: Bad news, you have terminal cancer and Alzheimer's. Patient: That's not so bad I could have had cancer. funny 🤣

Douglas Joined Thu 04/21/22 Posts: 359	Fri 09/23/22 10:58 PM
A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

Merry Joined Fri 11/19/21 Posts: 12964	Fri 09/23/22 11:43 PM
A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?" Eeeeeek!

Sparky Joined Mon 01/24/22 Posts: 233	Sat 09/24/22 06:53 PM
A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?" Ph crack! LOL

Unknow Joined Sat 02/19/22 Posts: 2054	Sun 09/25/22 07:20 AM
Conversation between two colleagues - How are you? - Great, only my fingers hurt so bad. - And what happened? - Yesterday we had a party chatting and we sang all night.

Apple of Your EYES Joined Mon 03/15/21 Posts: 5477	Mon 09/26/22 04:06 PM
A woman was standing in front of the window in the maternity wing looking at her newborn baby when another new mom walked up beside her. She pointed at a baby and said, "Is that your baby boy there?" The first woman replied, "Why, yes it is." The second woman then pointed at a baby boy beside it and said, "That's my third child. We named him Beauregard Winston Baldwin the THIRD after his great great great grandfather, the famous Confederate general." "That's nice", said the first woman. The woman kept talking. "My husband is buying me a four carat diamond ring to celebrate his birth!" "That's nice", said the first woman again. ""When my second child was born, he gave me a brand new Mercedes Benz and took me to Tuscany for the summer", she bragged again. "That's nice", repeated the woman. "And when I birthed our first child, my husband bought a yacht, named it after me, and we sailed round the world!" she continued. "That's nice", said the first woman again. "Is this your first child? What did your husband buy you?" asked the second woman. The first woman turned to her and said, "When we found out I was pregnant, my husband sent me to charm school." "Charm school?!?!" The second woman asked incredulously. "Why?" "Yes, well", the woman said, "that's where I learned to say 'That's nice" instead of "Who gives a f#$k?

sonofrangi Joined Sat 03/07/20 Posts: 295	Mon 09/26/22 05:06 PM
🤣🤣🤣

JulieABush Joined Thu 01/26/17 Posts: 3720	Tue 09/27/22 03:04 AM
Funny Apple Love .

Apple of Your EYES Joined Mon 03/15/21 Posts: 5477	Wed 09/28/22 05:31 AM
An engineer dies and is sent to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels. One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what's up? The Devil says, "Things are great down here since you sent us an engineer." "What?" says God. "An engineer? I didn't send you one of those. That must have been a mistake. Send him upstairs immediately." The Devil responds, "No way. We want to keep our engineer. We like him." God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!" The Devil laughs. "Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"