FUNNYNICE

Cheating for "Good" Reasons

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.

Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"

Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage.

Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"

Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"

Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."

"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."

"Alright," Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"

Funny but all too true .

Funny .

thank u all for joining me laugh with and at this thread

Thanks for the funny jokes apple. Pls keep it coming.

thanks Cloudy

Upon hearing that her elderly
grandfather had just passed away,
Katie went straight to her
grandparent's house to visit her 95
year-old grandmother and comfort
her. When she asked how her
grandfather had died, her
grandmother replied, "He had a heart
attack while we were making love on
Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told
her grandmother that 2 people nearly
100 years old having sex would surely
be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny.
"Many years ago, realizing our
advanced age, we figured out the
best time to do it was when the
church bells would start to ring. It
was just the right rhythm. Nice and
slow and even. Nothing too
strenuous, simply in on the Ding and
out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and
continued, "He'd still be alive if the
ice cream truck hadn't come along."

A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. Unfortunately, the wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.
He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early enough, decided to go the party.
Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little touch here and a little kiss there.
His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished...Naturally, (since he was her husband.)
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had.

He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
"Did you dance much ?"
"You know, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Browning and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening...
but you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to."🤣🤣🤣

Both funny .

thanks Julie for enjoying jokes in here

FUNNY

tnx Robin for getting into this thread.

enjoy cloudy

Again a joke by apple.... jzt kidding.
Thanks Too. keep it up.

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands.

The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"

Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband - "I love you, Sweetheart."

Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.

Below are 11 hilarious replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love. Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?

1. Who the hell is this?

2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?

3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong?

4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?

5. I don't understand what you mean.

6. What the hell did you do now?

7. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need.

8. Am I dreaming?

9. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

10. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.

11. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?

Last night, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a £10 note. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the £10 note and stuck it to his bum cheek! Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a £20 note. She called the guy back , licks the £20 note, and sticks it to his other bum cheek. In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a £50 note and calls the guy over, and licks the £50 note. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, she just stuck it to one of his bum cheeks again. My relief was short-lived. Seeing the way things are going, the guy races over to me. Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on to try to top the £50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What was I to do? The woman in me took over... I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his bum, grabbed the eighty quid and left!.🤣🤣🤣