Man: I saw a deer on the way to work.

Blonde woman: How do you know the deer was headed to work?

At a wine merchant, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
A drunkard, with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position.
The director of the winery wondered how to send him away.

He gave him a glass to drink.
The drunk tried it and said:
"It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade but acceptable”.

"That's correct”, said the boss.

Another glass:

"It's a cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results”.
"Correct”.

A third glass:

''It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive”, calmly said the drunk.
The director was astonished.

He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something. She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine.

The alcoholic tried it.

"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and - if I don't get the job - I'll name the father”.

What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.

hahahaha

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door.
She goes to the door, opens it and sees a man standing there.
He asks the lady, “Do you have a Vagina?”
She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door, it's the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, “Do you have a Vagina?”
She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days.
The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, “Honey, I am taking an off tomorrow so as to be home, just in case this guy shows up again.”
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door.
The husband whisperes to the wife, “Honey, im going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the
question because I want to a see where he’s going with this.”
She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.
Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, “Do you have a Vagina?”
“Yes I do.” says the lady.
The man replies, “Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s alone and start using yours"

She said all three previous husbands died ...
When asked how ... she replied " two died eating poisoned mushrooms " what about the third?

He died of a broken neck , cause he refused to eat those mushrooms!!!

She said all three previous husbands died ...
When asked how ... she replied " two died eating poisoned mushrooms " what about the third?

He died of a broken neck , cause he refused to eat those mushrooms!!!

Told my girlfriend that I was gonna start smoking the weed ... she said she would leave me if I did .... there you have it , weed does get rid of the Pain !!!