How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer Olive?
Yeah, you know, “Olive the other reindeer, use to laugh and call him names”.

A 16 year old girl goes out on her first car date.
The 16 year old boy taking her out whispers in her ear what he'd like to do to her sexually (the boy expects her to be shocked and appalled, but she looks at him with the best come-hither look she can muster and softly says "Okay, we can do what you want, IF we can do what I want first".
The boy's about to lose his mind thinking he's gonna get lucky.
He asks her what he has to do...tell me, tell me, tell me, pleeeeease.
She turns to him and says "Take me home, go inside and tell my father what you want to do to me, if Dad okays it, I'll go along".

Funny Hoss .

NICE @Hoss

Nowadays where are such children's to ask parents

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve.

What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia.

Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Because it “soots” him.

Why did the snowman call his dog Frost?
Because Frost bites.

Why did the barber win the race?
She knew shortcuts.

NICE JulieABush

Why should you stand in a corner if you’re cold?
They’re usually 90 degrees.

Did you hear about the famous pickle?
He was a big dill.

Why did I name my printer Bob Marley?
Because It’s always jammin’.

With Christmas round the corner one of my favorites jokes of the season
Three men die on Christmas Eve and go to heaven, where they're met by Saint Peter. "In order to get in," he tells them, "you must each produce something representative of the holidays."

The first man digs into his pockets and pulls out a match and lights it. "This represents a candle of hope." Impressed, Peter lets him in.

The second man pulls out a tangle of keys and shakes them. "These are bells." He's allowed in too.

"So," Peter says to the third man, "what do you have?"

The third man proudly shows him a pair of red panties.

"What do these have to do with Christmas?" asks Peter.

"They're Carol's."

FUNNY

Funny .

A lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 90th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice luxurious hotel..

When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00. She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250..00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"

The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it.

She insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."

"But I didn't use them." ''Well, they are here, and you could have."

He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous.
"We have the best entertainers from all over the world performing here."

"But I didn't go to any of those shows.." She Pleaded.

"Well, we have them, and you could have." was the reply.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied,

"But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his
standard response.

After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him.

The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check.

"But Madam, this check is for only $50.00" "That's correct" she replied "I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me."

"But I didn't sleep with you madam!" said the manager

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."!!

Funny .

What’s the astronauts favorite part of the computer?
The space bar.

Why did the man name his canines Rolex and Timex?
They were watch dogs.