the old testament is actually the 5 books of Moses which makes up part of the Torah...the new testament is post Jesus..

Feliz Navidad!!!!
I hope I didn't offend anyone for stating it in Spanish. This isn't an English-only topic is it?

If the Old Testament is pre-Jesus, and the New Testament is POST-Jesus, then where does Jesus actually come in?

Well, as long as you aren't offended, then everything should be okay!

It was written Post Jesus. Do you think they were taking notes at every event in the bible? XD. A lot of biographies are written post whoever they are about.

Who would've thunk it...the New Testament is the first (and only?) autobiography written posthumously! After all, it is the word of god, yes? And Jesus is god on earth, right? I can't wrap my head around it all!

here is something else to consider..nothing in the new testament was actually written by Jesus..its all here-say...its all written by other people, some of whom never even met the man....

Jesus comes in through the heart.

CM: (Playing piano) "Ma-ma-ma-ma-cita, donde esta Santa Cleese...the vato wit da bony knees...he comin' down da street wit no choos on his feet...and he's going to..." No, no, that ain't it... "Mamamacita, donde esta Santa Claus...da guy wit da hair on his jaws...he's..." Nah. Hey, man, come over here, man. I need some help, man.

TC: Yeah, man. I can dig that. Like, uh, what are ya doin', man?

CM: Aw, I'm trying to write a song about Santa Claus, man, but it's not comin' out...

TC: About who, man?

CM: About Santa Claus, man. You know, Santa Claus, man?

TC: Oh, yeah, man. I played with those dudes, man.

CM: What?

TC: Yeah, last year at the Fillmore, man. Me and the bass player sat in, man.

CM: Oh, hey, man, you think Santa Claus is a group, huh? No, it's not a group, man.

TC: Wha? They break up, man?

CM: No, man. It's one guy, man. Y'know, he had a..a red suit on, man, with black patent leather choos...you know the guy, man.

TC: Oh, yeah...he's with Motown, ain't he? Yeah, I played with that dude, too, man. He's a good singer, man.

CM: No, no, hold on, man. He's not with Motown, man.

TC: Well, then he's with Buddah, man.

CM: No, aw, man, you don't know who Santa Claus is, man!

TM: Yeah, well, I'm not from here, man. Like, I'm from Pittsburgh, man. I don't know too many local dudes.

CM: Ohhh, I see. Well, hey, man, sit back and relax and I'll tell you da story about Santa Claus, man. Listen...

(background music begins)

Once upon a time, about, hmmm, five years ago, there was this groovy dude and has name was Santa Claus, y'know? And he used to live over in the projects with his old lady and they had a pretty good thing together because his old lady was really fine and she could cook and all that stuff like that, y'know. Like, she made da best brownies in town, man! Oh, I could remember 'em now, man. I could eat one of 'em, man, wow...

TC: Wow, did you know these people, man?

CM: Oh, yeah, man. They used to live next door to me, y'know...until they got kicked out, man.

TC: Wha? They got kicked out of the projects, man?

CM: Yeah, you know what happened, man? They used ta live with all these midgets, y'know, and da midgets used ta make a lotta noise, y'know, like pounding and hammering and pounding all night, man...

TC: Typical freaks, huh?

CM: Oh, yeah, man, they were really freaks, man. As a matter of fact, they all moved up north together, y'know.

TC: Oh, they had to go get their head together, man?

CM: Yeah, get their head together. And they started a commune, y'know. It was called the...uh..."Santa Claus and his Old Lady Commune"; it was a real famous one up there, man. And they used to sit around and groove all the time, y'know.

TC: Oh, yeah?

CM: Yeah, a really good time, man.

TC: That sounds heavy.

CM: Yeah, they eat da brownies, man, and they drink da tea, man...and what they did most of da time, though, was make a lotta goodies, y'know? And they had everything they needed; they only needed to come into town maybe once a year or something like that...

TC: To pick up the welfare check and the food stamps, right.

CM: Yeah... No, no, what they did, man, is that, once a year, when they made all the goodies, y'know, they used ta put 'em in a beeg chopping bag and, then, they used ta take da chopping bag and give 'em to all the boys and girls all da way around da world, man!

TC: Hey, well, that's hip, man. That sounds real nice.

CM: Oh, yeah, they were really nice people, man. And so much class, man...they had so much class, y'know. Like, even take da way they used ta deliver da toys, y'know. It's like, Santa Claus used ta have this really charp chort, man, y'know? It was lowered to da ground, had twice-pipes, candy-apple red and button top. Oooo, clean!

TC: Hey, that sounds like a hip snowmobile, man.

CM: No, no, it wasn't a snowmobile; it was a sled, y'know. One of those big sleds, y'know? And he used ta have it pulled by some reindeers, y'know, like, reindeers?

TC: Some what, man?

CM: Some reindeers, y'know. He used ta hook them onto da sled and then he used ta stand up inside da sled and hold on to da reins and then call out their names, like, "On Donner! On, Blitzen! On Chewy! On Tavo! C'mon, Becto!" And then, the reindeers used ta take off into da sky and fly across da sky, man!

TC: Wow, man! That's far out, man!

CM: Yeah! And then, when they flied across da sky, they used ta come down to places like, oh, Chicago, L.A., Nueva York and Pacoima and all those places, y'know, and then land on top of people's roofs and then 'ol Santa Claus would make himself real small, y'know, like, a real small guy, and he'd come down da chimney and then he would give you all da stuff that he made, man. And...dig this, man...he did it all in one night, man!

TC: Hey, just a minute, man. Now, how'd he do that, man?

CM: Oh, well, man, he took da freeway. How else, man?

TC: No, man. No, man, how'd he do all that other stuff, man? Like, how'd he make himself small, man. And, how'd he, like, how'd he get the reindeer off the ground, man?

CM: Oh, well, man, he had some magic dust, man.

TC: Some magic dust?

CM: Yeah, magic dust, y'know? He used ta give a little bit to da reindeer, a little bit to Santa Claus, a little bit more for Santa Claus, a little bit more...

TC: And this would get the reindeer off, man?

CM: Aw, got 'em off, man? Are you kidding, man? They flew all da way around da world, man!

TC: Hey, that's far out, man! Hey, how come I've never met this dude, man?

CM: Oh, man, he doesn't do that bit anymore, man. It got too dangerous, man.

TC: Yeah, I can dig that, man, 'cause that's a dangerous bit, man!

CM: Yeah, lemme tell ya, it sure was, man. Like just two years ago, man, he got stopped at the border, y'know, and they took him into another room and took off his clothes, man, and searched him and searched his bag of goodies, man...and then, when he was leaving, man, he was flying through the air and somebody took a chot at his reindeer, y'know.

TC: Aw, that's a drag, man.

CM: Yeah, it really was, man. And then, man, he went down South, man, and they tried to cut off his hair and his beard, man. And all the time, he was getting stopped and pulled over and asked for his ID, man....just everywhere he went, he ran into too much recession, man.

TC: No, man, you mean he ran into too much repression, man.

CM: Aw, "repression"..."recession"...man, it's all da same thing, man.

TC: Yeah, man. But, it's a drag, man, 'cause we could sure use a dude like that right now.

CM: Oh, he still comes around, man.

TC: Oh, yeah?

CM: Yeah, but he comes in disguises now...

TC: Aw, he went "underground".

CM: Yeah, "underground", man.

TC: I can dig it.

CM: Yeah. But you ought to see his disguise, man; nobody would ever know it was him, man.

TC: Oh, yeah?

CM: Yeah. He's got a job in front of da department store, ringing this bell and playing this tambourine next to this black pot, y'know?

TC: Aw, I seen the dude, man!

CM: Yeah! You know who I'm talking about, man!

TC: Yeah, man! I played with that cat last year, man!

CM: Wha?

TC: Yeah, we played in front of a store, man! We made a lot of bread, man!

CM: Aw, hey, wait a minute, man! Santa Claus is not a musician, man!

TC: I'm hip, man! That cat didn't know any tunes, man!

CM: Oh, hey, wait a minute, man...no, he's not hip to that at all, man.

TC: No, I played with this dude, man.

CM: Are you sure, man?

TC: Positive!

©1971 Marin/Chong (Stavro Arrgolus)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbw9-uq9sMU

Merry Christmas to everyone!!!! I hope I didnt piss anyone off by saying this!!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Happy Kwanzaa,, or whatever else anyone is celebrating,,,,,,,!!!!

Well put. (I'm celebrating reason. lol. I'm not sure how to phrase a two word well-wishing for that, yet. Merry Reason? Happy Objectivity? Could shorten that to 'ho', then repeat it for emphasis. Ho ho ho.)

You mean like a Trichina worm?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trichinella

I think the most prodigious new testament author was Paul, who claims to have seen Jesus in a vision, after Jesus died. (And otherwise never did meet Jesus.)