I hope you strength with it, Marie. I know it is a hard thing to endure. When I lost my dad in 97 I thought I had all this time. But sometimes they go fast. I am glad I stayed close to mom even though I have missed some family events. Working at the home has taught me not to take things or people for granted. I have found that even some of the drama is necessary. We have to stay vigilant about thing like neglect and abuse. It is like a sacred trust throughout the hierarchy of people over you as well as people under you. It is like a chain is only as strong as the weakest link. It lets me know that I have to be prepared not to be the weakest link because unlike factory work it is human life I am dealing with. Like the people over me I can't assume with the people under me. I am beginning to see what the nurse meant by trust issues. At a factory job I could say something was not my job but can't really say that in this type of work. Sheds a whole new light on liability and I can't take what I do for granted for there are those who do look up to me. The weather is starting to get colder these days.

I know what you mean Roy. Dad is still coming up to the hospital to have lunch with me daily, unless it is pouring down rain, he uses his electric wheelchair to come up, takes him about 20 minutes or so. But he is only eating a tiny bit now where he used to eat a better meal. He used to sit for the whole 30 minutes or longer, now eats his tiny bit and takes off like he needs to get out of there fast, not sure if his stomach is bothering him and he needs to get back to the home or what. His personality is changing too, so I just have this feeling. I spend about $300 a month feeding him out when you add up his meals, the hospital meals, breakfast out on Saturday and Sunday and fish and chips on Friday night, plus I have to buy him some more clothes tomorrow and other things. It gets expensive. Baby brother doesn't help at all. I guess when it happens, at least I will have a clean conscience. Baby brother got everything of value and I got his bills, somehow doesn't seem right, but not much I can do about it without upsetting him and it isn't worth a family fight at this point in the game. Sorry for going on about this. Just frustrating. Take care.

The in service was about combative and noncompliant residents. The speaker was from the psyche ward of the closest hospital that we have to us. Man did she have a lot to say. One of the papers we got had 12 signs and symptoms of depression.

Signs and Symptoms Of Depression

Noticeable changes in appetite (either eating too much or too little)

Noticeable change of sleeping patterns (sleeping too much or too little)

Loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities

Overwhelming feelings of sadness and grief

Loss of energy, feeling tired all the time

Unexplained physical symptoms, such as headaches or stomach aches

Feelings of worthlessness

Persistent feelings of hopelessness

Inappropriate feelings of guilt

Not able to concentrate or think clearly

Thinking about death or suicide

Disturbed thinking, beliefs that are not based on reality

If you've checked four or more of the above symptoms of depression, its time to get some professional advice.

The next paper we got has the ten warning signs that you need to seek help.

Unexpected change in personality

Not able to cope with problems and daily activities

Strange or grandiose ideas

Excessive anxieties

Depression and apathy that doesn't go away

Changes in eating or sleeping patterns

Thinking or talking about suicide

Extreme highs and lows

Abuse of alcohol or drugs

Excessive anger, hostility or violent behavior

In the first set of signs and symptoms it scared one of the 19 year old aides. She said she had them all.

Darn Roy, lots of inservice for you. Reminds me of all the ones we had in the prison system, but we got Hostage survival, some hostage negotiation, emergency response (tons of that), dealing with difficult people, and tons and tons of other training. I enjoyed most of it though, was interesting. The hostage survival could be used in real life if someone were ever in a bank or store that was being robbed, that kind of thing. The more knowledge the better.

I spent the day running, dad needed more new clothes and other things. He has a bad cold. Who knows what is going on with him. Hope his doctor orders some tests or something. I am sure he will check him out before long, suspect he has talked to the staff by now. He has an excellent doctor, they are just swamped in their clinics too.

Karen - hope you are having a great weekend.

Hope everyone else is having a great weekend - well starting tomorrow anyways. I am a day ahead, these four 10s are hard to get used to, having Fridays off, I think it is Saturday already, geez.

I think I had a better day than you did, yesterday. I went yard sailing then to a Chinese restaurant. It was a long day though because after being up all day having fun I went to work on third shift. I got called in. I bought a 19 inch color tv-vcr for 10 bucks. It didn't have a remote but I am trying to get the universal remote to work on it. I got a large medicine cabinet for 4 bucks. I hope your dad gets better. I then you deserve a break with all the running.

We got a surprise inspection from state. They are going to be with us for four days. All the CNAs are wearing their gait belts. We look like a rogue group of Ninjas. One of the residents asked me why I was wearing mine. I told her to spank the bad female aides. The paranoia is already starting. Nothing like trying to do your job with people with clip boards looking over your shoulders. That is all we need is more fault finders. Like I don't have enough people telling me how to do my job. Jeez, I hope these next four days go fast.

I have several of those symptoms. I went and saw a social worker today to discuss my depression she listened and was very supportive. But she doesn;t live in my world or my reality.
I still feel hopeless and if I were to die today it would be ok to go.

Hi Gentlefaith, My name is Joy. I was on the widow's group but now I can't find it. I know a lot about depression it's been a part of my life for 27 years. Exactly half my life. I know what you mean about the therapist not even being in the same world!! I went to this one she was straight out of school and I was her guinie pig! She wanted to do all sort of weird stuff with light bars and shocking the palms of my hands while she asked me questions....that didn't last long!! Write me back anytime...Joy

Gentlefaith, I am sorry you are feeling that way. You need to find another therapist and fast. Sometimes you need to go through a couple or more to find a good fit. If it takes too long, go to your family doctor and talk to him/her. Maybe you need some antidepressant to help you through this rough time. I have fought depression it feels like my whole life. I seriously think I started with it as a child and nobody paid attention, they thought I was shy and just ignored me. Anyways, I am usually on here at night too if you want to talk. I am sorry you are feeling so lost. Normally somebody checks in here during the day but we have all been busy with our own stuff and the thread got quiet, sorry you were ignored. Please feel free to e-mail me or Joy as she offered. Roy is a good guy too. Hang in there, don't give up on therapy. I am a firm believer in group therapy too if you can find a group to go to. I hope things get better for you soon. Take care.

Welcome to the group, Gentlefaith and Joy.

I am trying the Centrum Cardio. We finally got it at our local Fred's. Today was a good day. Doing a load of clothes. Found some scrub top material at a yard sale.

Thank you so much Joy and Marie for reading my post and replying. I am on anti-depressants. I take effexor and remeron. I have been on lamictal but it makes me too sleepy.
I have good days and down days. Yesterday was a down day. I feel better this morning after not taking the lamictal.
I hate depression especially when it rears its ugly head to try to consume me. I am stronger and I fight everyday to conquer it for the sake of my daughter.
Write me anytime I added you both to my friends list.
Thanks again
Gentle

Just saying hi. I have been suffering from depression since childhood and been in and out of treatment for the past 4 years. It stems from other problems... sexual abuse mainly. I also struggle with an eating disorder.

I'm doing okay now, but struggling a bit since I'm getting ready to move out of my parents' house. It's tough.

Just wanted to vent Ive never joined a support group before I have major depression and generalized anxiety disorder The symptoms have been unbearable for the last two weeks I've been off my meds for about a year now (I know I shouldnt have stopped taking them)Some how I've managed though
I went in to get my case reopened and the lady told me they were only seeing crisis patients at the moment UGH! I really wanted to tell her "Whats crisis to you? Do I have to try and kill myself again to be able to be helped?" but I didnt

Poison - go to an ER or Urgent Care Clinic if you need to talk to someone, they can talk to you and give you meds if you need to restart them. I suspect the clinic you went to is overwhelmed right now and she "thought" you weren't in crisis. I am sorry you were treated that way. Don't let them push you aside though, ask them to put you on a waiting list at least or ask them what you should do, who you can go see in the mean time. I understand how hard it is and how cut off you feel dealing with this stuff. But seriously, you can go to the places I mentioned above and they can restart your meds if you think you need them. You can always talk to your family doctor too. I go to mine when I am feeling stressed to the max. I have a good psychologist that helps me decompress but can only afford her about once a month, our lousy insurance only pays $50 a visit, costs me $85 out of pocket.

I hope you are feeling better soon. By the way, welcome to the thread. Take care and join in whenever you want. There is usually someone around to talk to (eventually) anyways.

Blackxbird - welcome to the thread too. I have the same issues as you and have been fighting them since childhood. You can win the battle believe me. I know you must be stressed with preparing to move out on your own, but you will be okay, will be hard at first but try to look at the positives. They will still be around for support when you need it, I'm sure. I would try to keep the positives in mind, your own space, you can decorate it the way you want, you have freedom, etc. You can also check into counseling or some group therapy to help support you through this time. It sounds like you have a pretty good handle on it, but if it gets bad there is help out there. Congratulations on your big move. Take care.

Gentle - you're welcome and I accepted your friend's request this morning, right before I headed for work, thank you for the request.

I hope things are going better for you today. If the Lamictal makes you tired, maybe you should check into stopping it, it may not be helping and instead working against you, the tiredness may be a side effect. I would check with your doctor on that, especially since you feel better when you are not on it. Just my thoughts.

You are doing the right thing, keep fighting, you have a beautiful daughter and she loves and needs you. That is one of the best reasons I know of to keep fighting. Seriously, talk to your doctor about your meds, maybe they need adjusting, if you are on too high a dose, they can work against you and make you depressed instead of making you better. I have had side effects from many of them, so I decided to not take them anymore and am trying to deal with my depression through counseling and changing my life. I have had a major weight issue all my life and have been working on losing weight, and trying to be more social, etc. I think it is helping, but a slow process.

Keep up the good work. You will make it, I have faith in you.

Roy - I will have to keep you in mind, they were giving away scrubs at the hospital awhile ago. I didn't even think about you. I don't wear them so didn't bother to look. If they have another giveaway, I will check with you and see if you need some, heck, the price was right, would only have to ship them to you. Darn, wish I had thought of it when they did it last time. Hope you are having a good day.

Audits are the worst, good luck. Hang in there, you will make it, I have faith in you.

PTSD My sisters murder put me there. I'm pretty strong but my fathers death from cancer. My moms in pain 24/7 my older sister mentally retarded. my husband death from M.D. And getting out into this dating world. Met someone on here people really like him we have been seeing each other for 6 months and he is not a very nice guy, to some even a great guy we never let people on here know where dating. Actually he really starting to destrub me with the things he will say. He lied to me to get into this realationship. And I just can't imagine why I've been in this relationship this long. I've finally decided to end it. And with all the other problems life brings really am fighting depression right now. I'm so tired of trusting people and getting hurt. And my job right now me and my boss got into it last week and my car broke down. LOL I keep pushing on but man o some times. Just writing about it makes me feel a little better :) My first time on here HI everyone. :)

Thanks, Marie. Our resident seamstress got one of my scrubs done, today. I have tried buying them but I haven't found anyone who can tailor make them like her. This was the one that she told me that was on the house. I am good for business for her since mine are so large. As I was going back up to get it because I got outside before I remembered to get it the nurse told me it would make a full length dress for her. The lady has made me plenty of them. Bless her heart. But the coworker has a sewing machine and I gave her a bag of them that I had washed up. She is going to repair the pockets where I have snagged them on doorknobs, wheelchairs and residents who like to grab onto them while I am lifting them into bed. She says she will reinforce the sides so my belly doesn't hang out. I think that is great because I am keeping the lowest profile I can while state is still here. One more day of state inspectors to go. I can't wait to breathe, again. I was talking to a nurse during break today and she told me there was no where to hide because she tried to hide all day and they found her. I was talking to this nurse today about this resident who was telling me that if she put the seat belt behind her it was easier for her to get out of the chair after I put the seat belt in front of her. She has figured that if she gets the belt unbuckled fast enough and behind her even though the alarm is going off that the alarm will stop, again. I told the nurse what was going on then because that is all that we need with state checking us out. I will be if I am going to get written up for another alarm. After talking to the nurse for a while I finally figured out that I am wrong no matter what I do. He who argues with a fool is a fool has finally came full circle. I just do my job and shut up. It works most of the time.

Wow, there are quite a few new people who have posted here lately. Hopefully you will find this to be a place where you feel welcome and able to get some good advice.

Hang in there everyone, and soak up the advice of the wonderful people you fill find here.

As for my situation:

Being out of work has really given me a chance to get caught up on some things and spend some time with my family (I was regailed today with stories about my nephew's potty training efforts).

That being said, I just accepted a part position with the City of Seattle as a Lifeguard. I'm way over qualified, but it keeps me in the industry and Seattle has a reputation from hiring within.

I filed my complaint against my previous employer and I have a meeting scheduled with the EEOC for November 25. Once they've gathered all of their information, they will let the company know that they are being charged.