Carol - sorry things are so tough for you right now. Sounds like you know what you need to do. You need to take care of yourself first, you have everyone pulling at you and it is wearing you out. I understand PTSD, have been there myself during my marriage. Do you have someone to talk to? Have you ever tried counseling to sort it out, or a close friend to talk to? Having someone to talk to can really help you sort things out and make your decisions and lessen the load on your shoulders. I am sorry you have been through so much grief and stress. I hope your job is okay. Work on getting your car fixed when you can, seems like there is stress everywhere but just pick the items off one at a time.

Welcome to your thread. I hope things get better for you soon. Take care.

Angie - congratulations on your new job. Sounds like a good move to stay in the same industry, you may get lucky and promote from within like you said. Sounds like things are looking up for you. Good luck on your hearing.

Roy - the state will make you crazy. I remember the audits the Health Department did in the prison system when I worked there. They looked down shower drains looking for any little signs of mold, and the grout for any signs of mold, reached on top of lockers looking for dust, etc. We always passed, but it was a scary few days. Normally got dinged on a few things, but nothing major.

You will make it. It is amazing how sharp the residents get about getting around the safety precautions, just like toddlers breaking through a safety gate and heading for the street. I have had an occasional one try to get out the door of the nursing home when I am going in to see dad, have to wrangle them back inside myself, and they are in a wheelchair. Normally is a staff member close by, but they are usually not totally with it and don't understand, they want to go home they say. I feel bad for them, but obviously can't let them out the door. Have a good day.

Saw my favorite lady again last Friday, she has gone so far downhill, I don't think she recognizes me anymore, has that blank look in her eyes, it is so sad. She was so sweet and friendly when I first started going there 2 years ago. Darn.

Hi Marie
Thank you for being my friend. for writing and the advice. I called my doctor about the lamictal havent called me back i was taking 2 i cut back to 1. I admire you for going off the drugs. The sw told me I probably could never go off mine.
I know that I hated the way I felt and how I was before the meds. It freaks me out to think about being off them completely. I had panic/anxiety attacks before the depression set in. I hate that feeling. Never had them before. The effexor is very good for that.
I too would love to loose weight the meds account for some of the weight gain ( )makes you feel damned if you do damned if you dont.Bascially I am a much better person on the meds.My attitude is better and my depression is better. I took 1 lamictal last nite as opposed to 2. Not as tired as with 2. My daughter goes to court this morning for domestic abuse on a boyfriend. I will not attend i love her but she knows that I dont approve of him or the way he treats her. I told her you are 18 and you choose to date him anyway. So you are old enough to go to court by yourself and testify. She doesnt like that but as a good loving mother I hope I did the right thing. Do you think I did.
Thanks Marie
Terri

Terri - I know I gained a huge amount of weight on the pills. I had panic attacks too, but it was when I was really stressed out over work, only I had mine during my sleep and would wake up thinking I was having a heart attack or something, they were awful. You may get off the drugs eventually. I am glad the Effexor is working for you, stay on it as long as you need it. If it works, use it. They did not work for me, I had horrible side effects from many of them and just decided to heck with it, not worth taking them to deal with the side effects.

I think you made a good decision with your daughter. You could have gone either way. She is 18 and an adult, and she knows you don't approve of her boyfriend. My daughter dated a lot of jerks/drunks growing up, married a drunk too, it was awful. She knows you love her and will support her. Just be there for her and she knows she can depend on you. It is amazing how our kids have to do everything we don't want them to in the "growing up" process. I swear my daughter searched out a guy just like her dad to marry, abusive drunk. She finally divorced him earlier this year, but what a nightmare. Just make sure she knows you love her, and hopefully she will come to her senses and get away from him. My daughter decided she could not live without a man in her life, maybe she feels the same way, figures the boyfriend is better than being alone. I couldn't convince my daughter any different. They have to learn on their own as hard as it is.

Well you have a good night, take care. With a loving mom like you, she will be okay.

Yeap that car is first for sure. Thank for responding. The job don't know I am burnt out. Need a change :) Yeah when that first happened with my sister I was in a support group for 4 years. You get help then you help others. I do have some good friends and to talk to. :) But no one knows like us who have been thought it. Thanks Marie :)

Just had to share this with you, Marie. It seems bizarre to me and the nurses, too. The state just gave us a new ruling, yesterday about residents on oxygen support like the oxygen tanks on the wheelchairs and the O2 machines that we have to hook them on while they are in bed. Oxygen in now considered medicine. That is right; Only the LPN and above can hook them up to their oxygen and take them off of their oxygen. I am still scratching my head on that one.

roy in our state you need a dr's order for oxygen .I think it's a good thing because if it's not administered right it can be deadly.LNA's can put it on though only nurses can exchange the canisters.More accountability that way.

Just wanted to let you all know I had emergency gallbladder surgery and it went well.I am now on the road to recovery and should be posting more.:).

Please go to court and support your daughter.I was a victim of domestic abuse.To go against your abuser is a scary thing.This person made her feel worthless and eroded her self esteem.I was 24 and was so depressed and felt none would want me.Your daughter has the courage to testify.Most don't.Please go support her,hold her hand,tell her you love her no matter what.sometimes people have to make mistakes to learn.My parents were there for me thru 3 divorces and it meant the world.Your daughter needs you.

Hi Cute,
Thank you for reading my post and writing. I didnt go with my daughter. Because she chooses to stay with this woman beater. She did go and he had all the charges dropped by his lawyer. I love her and stand beside her to help her and guide her. She knows I am here for her thru thick and thin good and bad. I had to work and due to my finances I could not take off.
She is spending the weekend with him. He has turned the beating around to make it look as though it was all her fault. She knows I do not approve but I am here.
Thank you for your words of advice.
Look forward to hearing from you again

Hi Marie,
Thank you replying to my post.
Thank you for such sweet words.My world revovles around my daughter.
And the hardest thing like you said is that they have to learn from there own mistakes. We know what men are like and she thinks she is "in love" with him. You cant talk to her she knows everything since she turned 18 last month. So I have given her to the Lord to take care of her to watch over and protect her.
I am here for with love and support to help her when the pieces need to be put back together.
Thank you so much for your advice
Terri

Cute/Gentle - I agree that you have to support your daughters in domestic violence situations, but there is also only so much you can do. I tried so hard with my daughter, I used up all my vacation going to court dates for her, I gave her tons of money, bailed them out of messes, tried to talk to her, explained to her why she needed to make herself more important, take care of herself, how she was in danger, etc., but she just plain refused to listen to me. I even got her into counseling, but it didn't work either. I lost a house and had a car repo'ed over trying to help her out, the bills were horrendous, I put her through alcohol/drug treatment, it was a nightmare. At some point, I had to step back and just let her do her thing. She knew I was there and would always be there for her, but she refused to do anything I asked, she told me "she would have to learn the hard way." I had counselors and doctors tell me to tough love her, throw her out, move and not leave a forwarding address because of the way she was treating me and messing up my life, but I wouldn't. In the end, she finally came around, she always knew in the back of her mind that I was there if she needed me. I got out of bed in the early morning hours many, many times to drive 60 miles one way to pick her up and bring her home because she was at a party and everyone was drunk, and we had an agreement that she would never get into a car with drunks. I always went to get her, never lectured her, never got mad, would usually get home in time to get ready for work and she would sleep it off. But she survived it all. That is why I said, make sure she knows you love her and are there for her. I don't know what more you can do. Some of these kids are really hardheaded and there just isn't much else you can do.

It sounds to me like you are doing the right thing Terri. It is hard, I have been there, but keep praying and hopefully she will see the light and kick him to the curb. I just hope she isn't as hardheaded and stubborn as my daughter was.

Good luck.

Good to see you posting, again, Jax. It has been a while. My daughter had the gall bladder surgery and has the train track scars she calls them. I am glad you are okay.

I am off tomorrow and the next day; Crossing fingers. We got a good report back from state so far. Tomorrow is their last day but I am off; Yay!

Marie,
Have I told you how much I appreciate you and your wisdom you share with me. Thank you honey!
I have done just what you are telling me to do. I have let go and let her be the adult she is. I try to encourage her I let her see him be with him etc.. I dont encourage that part(being with a#*$@#$, but I show her that I love and accept her and her decisions.
I will always be here for her. I just hope and pray that I dont go thru what you have with your daughter. My son was sooo different growing up he had his first girlfriend at 15 and they are married with one child and one on the way he works for BP refinery in TX and is very successful.
My daughter mailed her SAT form off this week and will take the test in Dec pray she will take it and enroll in college classes i know this will take her mind off of him get her involved with more people and hopefully she will find a wonderful man that treats her like the princess she is
Thanks again for your advice and wisdom I appreciate you
Terri

Hey gentle I'm sorry to hear she went back but most do and your daughter is in a sad scenario played out everywhere.I am glad you are keeping the lines open .Hopefully she will not allow this idiot to isolate her from family and the outside world.My prayers go out to you.

We did the state thing 2 weeks ago.No defiencies..woot!!

Jax - glad your surgery went well. I had mine out when I had my other surgery in April. My only side effect is that now I can't eat broccoli and I love broccoli, of all the luck.

I hope you heal quickly. Take care of yourself.

Gentle - your daughter sounds so much like mine in some ways. Really encourage her to follow-through with the college, that will be so good for her, but be prepared for her boyfriend to discourage her as he will get jealous and not want her meeting new friends (especially guys) and he will worry about losing his control over her. It would be great if you could get her involved with a domestic violence group or counselor, even just 1 or 2 visits, for informational purposes and as an eyeopener. My daughter still says she cannot (will not) live without a man and has finally divorced the drunk but is now with her "soul mate" who has hepatitis C and has had it for 10+ years and refuses to treat it, he is even talking to Hospice, so what does that tell you. I have talked to her repeatedly about taking safety precautions for her and the kids, she says she is, but she will do what she wants, I can only do so much.

If your daughter can get into college, that may just be the answer for her, get around other kids, get some freedom, a real social life where he isn't controlling her. I would try to talk her into a visit with a DV counselor though. I went to a battered women's group after my divorce and it was more than eye-opening. It was probably the best thing I ever did for myself.

I guess it is easy to share because I have lived it, both sides, was a victim, and have dealt with my daughter going down the hard road too. I think you are doing a great job, just keep encouraging her. You can't force an 18 y/o to do anything, but maybe she could be talked into visiting a group or counselor for some information, or pick up some pamphlets with some information, she may read them, who knows. Just some thoughts. Take care.

really?so far nothing has bugged me but i can sacrifice the brocolli as long as I can have a burger!!

Jax - yeah, broccoli won't stay down on my stomach now, and I love the stuff darn it. I did sneak cabbage by it but I had really cooked it for a long time in a pot roast so it was soft. Raw cabbage hurts my stomach too though. Grrrrrrr.

I am glad you are not having problems though.