That is tough Roy, but I agree that you are doing the right thing by trying to stay out of it. I'm sure it will all work out in the end.

It has been getting better, Angie. I basically told the coworker if she wants to play with fire then that is her business. I told that nurse who got angry with me that she was angry with the wrong person. The problem is that most of the people at work see the coworker and me as a couple. I have been trying to stay clear of both of them because I am not into games. The coworker thinks it is funny to piss the nurse off. It is like she purposely tries to antagonize the nurse. I have found the only way to win the game is to not play the game. I can see getting into trouble for something that I did wrong but I am only responsible for me. I felt used by both of them. If they want to tear into each other then that is their business but I really like my serenity. If I go around being angry then the residents can pick up on it and with Alzheimer residents they don't need much of an excuse to go off on you. I had a good day today because I just did my job and feel like I did a good one.

I used to have a problem with trying to save everyone. Be the "protector" and always ended up pulling backa blody stump. I learned to let people deal with thier own problems. She wants to poke the tiger with a stick, just keep doing what you're doing and steer clear.

They are interviewing him today. I'm scared but nothing really I can do now. He's already messing with the landlords head and still hasnt paid me back the money he owes me. I gave up on that a long time ago. Karma is a bicth though. Sighhhh, I seem to be a drama magnet. I wish I could just have the normal life Ive dreamed of since I was a child, but I never had one to begin with hahaha. If Im lucky he will lie and then they have something to work with. If not then I will have to rely on the emails and other evidence.

I really want this fukcer to serve time for this. One way or another, he is going to pay for what he did.

I was glad to see the professional psychologist come by last week, Karen. Some of the residents we have are not crazy. He is doing psyche evaluations of the residents. I think that is wonderful. Case in point is one of the residents keeps asking me how to disable her alarm. She was trying to open her door to her room. She was turning the knob on her door the wrong way and couldn't get in. She asked me how I got into the door when she couldn't. I told her I turned the knob to the right instead of the left like she did. It was like a light went off in her head and then she didn't have trouble opening up her door. Some of them I know must feel like prisoners with the ankle bracelets on their legs. I feel like sanity should be rewarded. Some of them I know must feel abandoned. I feel like saving yourself makes more sense than trying to save everyone.

Lost my temper at work, today. I vented with one of our 19 year old aides. Scared the **** out of her and she thought I was mad at her. I have this rage voice that terrifies some people. I told her I was sorry but I had to let off steam. My coworker left to go to the doctor and I was left with two aides who haven't had the certifications, yet and they were asking me questions because they are still green. We all three didn't get a first break till half shift. Oh, God it was like pure hell. It was like a roaster coaster of emotions. I was trying to do the job of three people. Then left my cell phone on the charger. The nurses' daughter put this ring tone on my phone when my coworker calls. It is some song that goes, "I like your pants around your head." The nurse was on the regular phone wit a client when my phone dialed. She said it really embarrassed her. I said, "Well, it was your daughter who put the ring tone on my phone." I think that really embarrassed her more.

Nope, he said yes he did but that it was consentual. My word against his. Now it is up to the DA if they even press charges adn i was warned by the detective that there were an overload of murders and assaukts that would probably come 1st. So likely he will walk away.

My landlord called irrate this morning. I told him i didnt know they would call him and that he wouldsnt be involved but he didnt believe me and still didnt know what this was about. He asked if he had this guy pay me back the money, would i drop the charges. I said it wasnt about the money and if i wanted it back i could get it cuz i have a cancelled check. He wouldnt stop so i just bluted out what he did and that stopped him in his trackes. I told him all the lies that were said about him and how he was being used and scammed.

He wanted to confront the guy right then but i begged him nt to. They guy didnt know what he was being charged with yet and this would tip him off. I was scared of him and his temper and the landlord knows his tem[er, so he agreed not to talk to him about it. At least for now. I was crying by then and he assured me that he wasnt going to evict me.

There is so much more to this but this is about as much as i can handle right now. Sighhhhhh

another rapist walks away.....this world sucks

Karen - I hope your landlord wakes up and sees the light. Sounds like he did get some sense while talking to you on the phone. It is such a mess and so ugly to deal with. I hope you have some support to help you through this. Wish I could do something. Hang in there.

Roy - Sounds like you had a lousy day at work. That is really bad, being left with 2 newbies, that would be awful. Glad you made it through okay. Hope tomorrow is better.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend. Take care.

Thank you Marie. Yes I feel better now that he knows the truth, but I doubt he will keep his mouth shut about this. The guy does work for him and they know each other on a friends basis too.

My landlord didnt know a lot of the things I told him, so I know it was a suprise to find out all this stuff. I just hope he doesnt involve me and has the investigators on the scam that he is going through check out this guy. I told him I think he might be the scammer, playing like he is the victim to throw ppl off.

Roy Im sorry. Ive been pretty self absorbed lately. Stressed to my breaking point again. I hope things mellow out for you.

By the way everyone, today is Ambers birthday!

It has been better. I have been off work, yesterday and today. Friday it was like everyone was stressed. The newbies were looking at me for guidance. They were wanting me to tell them what to do. We were all missing the coworker who went to the doctor because she was sick thirty minutes into the shift. It didn't take me long to understand why she was so stressed because I was doing what she normally did. The problem is that the uncertified are only allowed to do so much because of state rules. I called the coworker up and she could barely talk without coughing. After I cooled down I realized that the nurse was only trying to help me. Being short staffed is affecting everyone where I work. It really isn't like you can point a finger at anyone. There are just times when the stress levels run high. I had worked a month and a half without a day off and it just got to me. Imagine thirty children asking you for help and you trying to fill all their requests. I was just glad I had someone to vent with. I had went two weeks without an A A meeting and that wasn't good for me, either. Friday night I went and I felt good after wards. One thing that made me laugh is when one resident said that I don't ever get upset. Ha, Ha.

Happy birthday, Amber.

I'll give you guys something to chuckle about:

I met a guys a few weeks ago; he's tall and blonde with nice broad shoulders and reminds me of someone I had the biggest crush on back in high school.

We had plans just to hang out last Monday, but he never called and wouldn't return my phone calls either. I spent all week being upset about it, then last night I finally worked up the courage to send him an email asking him to explain himself.

The response: My phone is broken and I'm still waiting for the new one. I still want to see you, what are you doing on Friday?

I could have saved myself so much heartache if I had done that a week ago.

Oh well. . .

have u ever had that time? i mean been giveing that time? to where you have given over and over all your life to others.. been there for them when they are down... been there when they called.. been there when they needed to borrow money without them having to ask? cause u knew they needed it ? or when they did ask? when u make 8k a yr and them 60 k? wtf? or u make 40 k and they make 60k? well i have over and over and im not one to ask.. for they should hear or feel when one needs as i do or did for them? i feel if one is a freind and that close they should not have to ask right? especially when you have been giving over and over to those people? well funny ive never been to their funeral but where the hell did they all go? cant even get support to quit smoking...and that dont cost a cent does it? am i feeling sorry for myself ummm no... im just wondering can i find a friend like me? LIKE IVE BEEN? is that too much to ask for or hope for? im thinking not lol...i guess for the first time in my life i am realizing i do like myself.... and wish i had someone to share that with one who gives back etc...i hope the day i die i am loved and remembered though it would be nice for that to happen before that day comes.. perhaps others dont appreciate that like i would i know i buy xmas gifts for others a lot of times things i would like to have myself lol isnt it a crazy world?..deb

I hear ya Deb, and I just quit smoking "again" and have been smoke free for about 8 weeks. I look forward to the time when I dont count the days or weeks anymore.

I know what it is like to keep handing out and handing up and repeatedly pulling back a bloody stump, but just remember, karma is a bytch.

I hate to say this but Ive recently decided not to be so nice with what little I have anymore. But Im always looking for a good trusting trusted friend. Write anytime.......

No worries for feeling the way you do. It just plain hurts to be taken advantage of. Even more when it is someone you love, trust and or are family. Just take a deep breath and remember that good deeds are always rewarded eventually, so when good things happen, you know why.

Karen

I hear ya Deb, and I just quit smoking "again" and have been smoke free for about 8 weeks. I look forward to the time when I dont count the days or weeks anymore.

I know what it is like to keep handing out and handing up and repeatedly pulling back a bloody stump, but just remember, karma is a bytch.

I hate to say this but Ive recently decided not to be so nice with what little I have anymore. But Im always looking for a good trusting trusted friend. Write anytime.......

No worries for feeling the way you do. It just plain hurts to be taken advantage of. Even more when it is someone you love, trust and or are family. Just take a deep breath and remember that good deeds are always rewarded eventually, so when good things happen, you know why.

Karen

Angie - sorry for the mix-up and problem with your date. Hope things work out for the best.

Deb - I do know what you mean. I have been trapped in that cycle for years, just like taking care of my dad and his bills, and him giving my baby brother everything of value and I get the bills. I just try to not worry about it anymore, it only hurts me. You are a good person and you will find good people for friends eventually. You have to learn to put up boundaries so people don't walk on you, I have the same problem, so I understand, believe me. I am working more on trying to put up some boundaries but I am not very good at it. Guess I am too much of a marshmallow or doormat, not sure which. Hope things get better soon. Good luck with the stopping smoking. Hope it gets easier with time. I am working on losing weight so I know what you are going through, it is hard too. Take care.

Karen - good to see you back, hope things are going a little better for you. Think you are like the rest of us, need to put up some boundaries. I had my wall up then let it down to let someone in and got stomped on, again, guess I never learn. People are supposed to get smarter with age, guess I never got that "memo." Damn, of all the days to sleep in or go fishing,

Roy - hope things are going better for you at work. Have a great week. Take care.

Marie, things are going pretty good. Tonight I was the nurses' boss. You would think I would take advantage of that. She said I was her boss and to tell her what to do. Actually the charge nurse was busy training a new nurse so another nurse came in to be an aide. After the night was over I told another nurse coming in that I thought the aide/nurse would make a good aide. The nurse that was coming off duty said the aide/nurse was an aide twenty years ago. I think they just ought to put a revolving door on the facility because employees come and go so fast. My coworker is off for the whole week. She is using Albuterol. One of the nurses at the facility told her to cut her breathing treatments to half a breathing treatment every three hours instead of a whole breathing treatment every six hours. The full treatment was causing her to shake too much and be nervous. I asked her if she wanted me to spend some time with her after work and she said please. She can sit for a while and then she goes through these coughing fits. I bought her some orange juice and Ritz crackers before going to see her. It seems all she can eat without throwing up is peanut butter sandwiches. Another aide at work is coming down with the same stuff. He was very weak at work and about passed out on me. I think it is flu season at work. I hope I don't come down with the stuff. She isn't going to the hospital because she doesn't have insurance. We are around sick people all day at work and the place doesn't offer insurance. I will be if I can understand it. They just send us home if we get sick so we don't give the sickness to the residents. It is like what are we chopped liver? Sure is easy to get overtime now because we are losing even good aides now just as soon as they figure out that they can go to places that offer insurance especially those that have families. All the smart ones leave.

The nurse that the coworker had trouble with the new male aide decided to take on last night. He said he was going to straighten her out. He said he might get fired before he went to talk with her. Just before that she was venting with me, again. I think that with her daughter and him flirting at work it might be getting to her. The male aide was trying to get someone to do his job for him she thought and I asked him about it and he just didn't know how to do the job. He is a fast learner though and it was his first time. Since the coworker has been off all week the new male aide is just as big a pain in the butt as she was to the nurse. It is a beautiful day today out.

Well, after all of the fighting that we did at work to get a new boss and I'll of the hard work that I have put in to improving my pool; its not enough - I'm turning in my resignation tomorrow.

I can't wave a magic wand and instantly fix everything. Everyone is only interested in what I have left to fix, not the accomplishments I have already made.

It hurts, aquatics isn't something that you get involved in for the money and I hate to give up, but it feels like if I don't quit they will just fire me. Maybe not right away, but they are building their case with every mistake I make and I have had to learn my job through trial and error so there will be more.

I can't believe that it ended up this way.

Angie - sorry to hear that they are still giving you a hard time. Maybe you should hold out while you find another job, considering the mess the economy is in. It is my understanding if someone fires you, you qualify for unemployment but if you quit, you don't, something else to think about. I personally would hang on until I could get my foot in the door somewhere else to keep a paycheck coming in for now. Just my thoughts anyways.


I hope everyone is having a good week, take care.