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| Topic: A few Tips on First Time Sex | |
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1. Guys. On having sex with a women for the first time,
NEVER take a run up. She won't appreciate the extra dent. 2. Ensure there's a light dimmer switch near the bed. When you reach the moment of ecstasy,you can then turn the lights off so she doesn't see your grimace, as you try to disguise your agony when you realize you've burnt your knees on the nylon sheets. Your moans will make her think you are the sleaziest and best lover ever! 3, Always have a can of the latest 'Spray on' condom by the bed, Just in case. Skunk flavour is a definite No No! 4. Ladies. Never smoke! The feeling of a cold glass ashtray being placed in the middle of your guys back during the act is not the best of way to boost his confidence. 5. If your female partner is a little on the large size, make sure the light bulb is hung low from the ceiling. Your rhythym will increase each time your butt hits the hot bulb sending her into waves of ecstacy. 6. If she tells you that she's on her menstrual cycle, saying that you have the latest Kawasaki parked outside may make her think that you are not very experienced. 7. If your bed is in a small one roomed apartment, make sure you lock your door. Some people have encountered problems when during the proceedings, the bed has 'walked' across the floor due to the gyrations. Especially when the door opens outwards and they have found themselves ending up out on the landing just as the old lady next door is coming back from church    
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wow that was funny! I am still laughing at #4! Thanks for sharing this!
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Absolute hilarious!!!!!!!!
Laurie |
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OMFG My sides are still aching
 
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1. Guys. On having sex with a women for the first time, NEVER take a run up. She won't appreciate the extra dent. 2. Ensure there's a light dimmer switch near the bed. When you reach the moment of ecstasy,you can then turn the lights off so she doesn't see your grimace, as you try to disguise your agony when you realize you've burnt your knees on the nylon sheets. Your moans will make her think you are the sleaziest and best lover ever! 3, Always have a can of the latest 'Spray on' condom by the bed, Just in case. Skunk flavour is a definite No No! 4. Ladies. Never smoke! The feeling of a cold glass ashtray being placed in the middle of your guys back during the act is not the best of way to boost his confidence. 5. If your female partner is a little on the large size, make sure the light bulb is hung low from the ceiling. Your rhythym will increase each time your butt hits the hot bulb sending her into waves of ecstacy. 6. If she tells you that she's on her menstrual cycle, saying that you have the latest Kawasaki parked outside may make her think that you are not very experienced. 7. If your bed is in a small one roomed apartment, make sure you lock your door. Some people have encountered problems when during the proceedings, the bed has 'walked' across the floor due to the gyrations. Especially when the door opens outwards and they have found themselves ending up out on the landing just as the old lady next door is coming back from church
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